The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Donald Trump is the absolute worst when it comes to holiday greetings. Here's how I foresee said greetings over the next year. Memorial Day: "Happy Memorial Day to all the fine men who died for our country and the losers who are supposed to be at home giving birth to babies, while cooking us the best meatloaf this side of Michael Lee Aday, may he rest in peace. Good guy. He always proved the saying right, you really are what you eat. I'm the same way. The reason why I'm the most macho man in recorded history is because I eat nothing but Village People records." Juneteenth: "Happy whatever stupid day this is. What even is it? Like Black people invented June or something? Look, I like Black people. I once paid one to deliver me a few whoppers and diet Cokes. But, if anyone invented June, it was me, okay? I was born in June; I married my dear wife, Melanie, in a month that starts with 'j;' my middle name starts with 'j,' has 4 letters, and incl...

I received the following comment on episode 39 of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "The Coronavirus Jesus": "Love that 'president' is in quotes and 'prey' is used in the introduction. That’s my friend right there- strong work, Craig Rozniecki!" You can check out the episode at this link:  https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-coronavirus-jesus/

I just received the following comment on episode 39 of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "The Coronavirus Jesus": - "'He kept picking soy sauce packages with chopsticks.' HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU GOT ME DEAD! HAHAHAHA!" The episode can be heard at this link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-coronavirus-jesus/

Podcast: "I Feel Snitty" Episode 39: The Coronavirus Jesus Premiere Date: 3/25/20 Length: 6:37 (1,018 words) Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-coronavirus-jesus/ Transcript: Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 39, entitled, “The Coronavirus Jesus.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki. At a recent Fox News town hall, Donald Trump was asked about when he foresaw the economy getting back on track. Now I didn’t watch this event live. For one reason, I was looking after my kid. For another, I refuse to watch Fox News, but I digress. When I first read a headline that Trump wanted to reopen the country on April 12th, or Easter, I told my mother, “Oh, just watch, he’s going to compare himself to Jesus and talk about resurrecting the economy on Easter Sunday.” Not long after, I read his exact response. It was: “I’d love to have it open by Easter. I would love to have that. It’s such an important day for other reasons, but I’ll make it an important day for this too. ...

The latest episode of my podcast ("I Feel Snitty"), entitled, "The Coronavirus Jesus," is now available! Here's a brief description of it: A month ago, we were at 15 cases of Coronavirus, when "President" Trump told the nation we'd be down to zero cases in a couple of days. We've now exceeded 50,000 cases, so like Flonase is (in)famous for, "15 is greater than 50,000." With the flattening of the curve nowhere yet in sight, The Donald wants to reopen the country on Easter Sunday. In this episode, I predict what ol' Donnie boy will tell the nation on resurrection Sunday. Let him prey, I mean us pray... You can listen to the full episode here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-coronavirus-jesus/

One of the hashtag trends on Twitter over the weekend was #ThingsJesusNeverSaid, and let's just say, with regard to that very hashtag, I was kind of in the zone - so much so, that I got mentioned on Fusion.net , where one such post made their cut for "tweets of the week." If curious, you can check out that very article at this link: http://fusion.net/story/114012/chers-in-the-market-for-a-tupac-sweatshirt-and-all-the-stuff-you-missed-on-twitter-this-week/

So, Happy Easter, everyone! On that note, let me also say that this country - the United States of America - has never been, isn't now, and never will be a Christian nation. Sure, the majority of people in this country classify themselves as Christian. However, in my mind, that still doesn't make this country Christian any more than a disloyal husband saying he's faithful does. Let's look at The Ten Commandments and see how they apply to today's world in this country. 1) "I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt not have strange gods before me." I'd like to believe that most "Christians" in this country follow this commandment. However, it does seem that many of these self-described "Christians" worship money and/or material things more than God. 2) "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." I think most everyone has been guilty of this at least once in their lives. I can't say I hear many ...

10) Sheeeee*t! Muthaf***a! 9) You know, Jesus was a socialist. Just sayin'... 8) Was Jesus gay? I'm just asking. 7) I'll drink to that! Where's the booze and ho's? Cheers! 6) Nobody f***s with the Jesus! (courtesy of John Turturro's character in "The Big Lebowski") 5) I saw Jesus once. I was tripping on acid, listening to Pink Floyd while inside a Planetarium. 4) I wonder what Jesus' take is on the controversial question, "Do handjobs constitute as sex?" 3) I wonder if Jesus and Mary Magdalene will be gettin' jiggy wit it on Sunday. It's something to ponder. 2) I pray for lots of pu**y on Easter Sunday. Amen. 1) (drumroll) Lots of men rise from the dead. It's called Viagra. ...and yes, I know I will be going to hell.