The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Family Research Council founder James Dobson has decided to take his fight against abortion to the next level, as he has recently lobbied Congressional Republicans to sign a bill protecting the life of each and every puppy-monkey-baby. On his radio show, Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson , the evangelical leader said this: "Have you seen the Mountain Dew puppy-monkey-baby commercial? Some people have found this ad disturbing, even going so far as to say the creators must have been snorting some kind of drugs, like Pepto Bismol. I, however, find it disturbing for another reason - there has been no legislation proposed in Congress to protect puppy-monkey-babies from abortion. I realize there have been no other reported cases of puppy-monkey-babies and it's still highly perplexing how this first one came to be born - perhaps via a crazy threesome between a bulldog, a woman named Barbara Shitzcrazy, and a pygmy marmoset - but in any case, we must protect these fetus animal thing...

With the conservative Supreme Court ruling to do away with section IV of the Voting Rights Act today, I think I've come to a realization. That is that modern day conservatives believe more in the rights of corporations, guns, and fetuses than actual living, breathing humans. If there were a corporation called Fetuses With Guns, the Republican Party of today would be in heaven, singing happy hymnals to an invisible person whom they believe created this world and is in control of everything in it. Guns aren't counted as part the human population. Neither are corporations. Fetuses aren't either. Yet, they're to be treated as people, as equals in this great land. Guns don't kill people. Corporations and fetuses are people. Well, if we go by that logic, I'm not aware of guns killing corporations or fetuses, so in that context, they may not kill people. Now it's all making sense. Going by that logic, a piece of paper constitutes as a person. Dust = people. A rug i...

Want to know why all abortions need to be banned after 20 weeks? Just ask Texas Representative Michael Burgess and he could tell you. During yesterday's debate regarding the pending House bill, Burgess said the following: "Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they're a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?" Yes, while Representative Burgess doesn't outright say he feels fetuses masturbate, that is definitely what he implied. Sadly enough, this man is a former OB/GYN. When reading Mr. Burgess' quote, I'm reminded of a remark made by former President George W. Bush, when he said, "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." For Mr. Burgess, that quote would read, "T...