The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

In Week 8 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ..., as New York Jets quarterback Sam Darnold has demonstrated, one of the side effects of getting over mononucleosis is seeing ghosts for at least 2 weeks. - ...Indianapolis Colts place kicker Adam Vinatieri is the first 96-year-old to ever go from goat to GOAT in an NFL game. - ..., at just the halfway point of the season, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston is already being named the Walter Payton Man of the Year, due to his volunteer and charity work. For the first time in the history of the award, it's being given to an individual for their giving nature on the field and not off it. - ...Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield won an old college bet that you CAN in fact get intercepted on a shovel pass. Quick, someone get that guy a Busch! - ...the three slowest moving things in history are, in no particular order: a sloth on Prozac; a dead person; and a Philip Rivers pass. - ...Chicago shall now be k...

In Week 8 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...Chris Spielman has mastered math like mimes have mastered motivational speaking. - ...the Miami Dolphins are about as predictable as F5 tornadoes nicknamed "Shifty." - ...the Pittsburgh Steelers suffer from  Princess Bride  moments when it comes to "free kicks": "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - ...the Baltimore Ravens have been awarded with a "The Little Lebowski Urban Underachievers" certificate. - ...Adrian Peterson is set to star in the new film,  33 Going On 23 . - ..., when stand-up legend George Carlin said, "Golf is like watching flies f*ck," he was actually talking about Arizona Cardinals/San Francisco 49ers games. - ...Jameis Winston has apparently never consumed Fitz-Magic. Instead, he's opted for Shitz-Tragic. - ..., after sending Khalil Mack to Chicago and Amari Cooper to Dallas, the Oakland ...

In Week 8 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...Matt Moore is who we thought he was. - ..., at 0-1, the Cleveland Browns are a much better team in England than in the States. - ...it's DeShaun Watson's goal to complete as many passes in a series as Mitch Trubisky completes in a month. It's possible... - ..., when asked the question, "Who threw for over 400 yards, reached the red zone six times, and managed to score only 15 points?," make sure you respond with "the Detroit Lions." - ...Houston Texans owner Bob McNair may one day start a Prison Guards Lives Matter movement. - ...the Give-The-Game-Away Super Bowl was won by the Atlanta Falcons over the New York Jets, 25-20. Congratulations. - ..., after the Buccaneers' 17-3 loss to the Panthers, Jameis Winston is likely thinking about stealing more crab legs in order to get suspended. - ...Seattle and Houston just scored again. - ..., based on past statements he's made, Jerry J...