The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Tis the season to give, carol, drink eggnog, donate, be merry, all that crap. Oh, I forgot one, it's also the season to lie. As children, we're often told a story of a jolly, bearded, obese man named Santa Claus and, if we're good, he'll provide us with presents under a tree within our homesteads in the wee morning hours on Christmas Day, but if we're bad, may just place coal in our stockings. Then a few years down the road, if we haven't figured it out already, we're informed that the story isn't actually true. Okay, so my son is now 3, and I've decided I will not be sharing the big lie with him, for several reasons. 1) Trust. I don't want to lie to him. I want him to trust me. Some say, "Oh, it's just Santa. It's a harmless little lie." No it isn't. Studies have fairly consistently shown that kids who are taught the big lie by their parents are more inclined to be liars themselves when they grow to be adults. They're a...

I understand this is probably more common than I realize, but one major pet peeve of mine is when my parents still treat me like a 6-year old child. This goes for my mother, in particular. Granted, I don't have any kids of my own, so it's difficult for me to fully relate to them and since I will never be a mother, I find it especially difficult to relate to my mother on this front. However, it still blows my mind that at 32 years of age, I am still sometimes seen as a little boy by them (her). Just the other night, we were having dinner together, and out of nowhere, my mother says, "Just for future reference, it's seen as uncouth to eat before everyone else has sat down and are ready to eat as well. ...just in case you ever have dinner with her family or whatnot (her meaning my girlfriend, I'm guessing)." I was speechless at first, especially since she had started eating before me. The other reason I was speechless was because I'm 32 years old. I pause...

Marilyn Milfus: "Billy, why did you take that?" Billy Milfus: "Because it's mine! All mine!" Marilyn: "No it's not. It's your father's. Now give it back." Billy: "Make me!" Marilyn: "Am I going to have to count to 10? 1...2...3...4...5...6..." Billy: ::hands over the gun:: Marilyn: "There...that's better. Now apologize to Jerome for threatening to shoot him." Billy: "No! Never!" Marilyn: "That's it! Go to your room! When your father gets here..." Billy: "No! It wasn't my fault! It was my friend, Jess!" Marilyn: "Where's Jess at now?" Billy: "He's right here. Can't you see him?" Marilyn: "No... Is this that invisible friend of yours again, Billy?" Billy: "He's not invisible. I can see him. He's the most powerful person in the world and forced me to point the gun at Jerome and say some thing...

So, I just read an article that Justin Bieber's mother told him from the start about the myth of Santa Claus and her reasoning was so the dishonesty of lying about Santa Claus didn't come back to potentially bite her when she tried telling him that while she lied about Santa, she wasn't lying about the existence of God. I'm not going to debate the existence of God. That's another matter entirely. However, I have always wondered what the pros and cons are of allowing children to believe the fairy tale known as Santa Claus. I'm not a parent yet, but I'm honestly uncertain of how I will approach the subject when I do have kids. I suppose I will have to speak with my wife about it and hopefully through discussion, we'll be able to come to a complete agreement, if not a decent compromise on the matter. I remember my brother was devastated when he found out the truth about Santa Claus and I know many other people whom were similarly affected after they bec...

Why is it that most people are fine with the idea of putting a pet to sleep, but they find it immoral and unacceptable to do something similar with people? I have a theory as to why this is. Many of us see our pets like little kids. They're sweet, innocent and uncorrupted by the world in which they live. You can have the best or worst day of your life and they'll run up to you and sit on your lap or give you a kiss, with their tail wagging perhaps. It doesn't even matter what you say to them. It all depends on the tone of your voice. You could speak to them in four different languages in a two-minute span and they wouldn't know the difference. They'd continue to love you. There's no obligation to go out and buy them a bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day or to get them something expensive for their birthday. All they want is some food, water and attention and they'll be happy. Due to all this, I think it pains most people to see pets suffer, because w...