The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Between the music, the dialogue and the acting, these Kay commercials come across to me as a hybrid of a soap opera and an awful made-for-tv movie. The basic outline for a Kay commercial is as follows: 1) Cue the cheesy Hallmark music - Go! 2) Present Hollywood-esque romantic scene that has a 2.2 - 3.09% chance of presenting itself in reality. Check. 3) Have the male chime in with a dramatic one-liner with cliché written all over it, such as, "You deserve everything, which is why I got you this..." 4) At this very time, he presents his gift from Kay. 5) Overdramatic reaction by the female. Teardrops. Mouth agape. Phony smiles. Check. 6) The female then responds with a lovely one-liner of her own, such as, "I'll never cheat on you again. Now, kiss me." 7) Cue the kiss. 8) Now for the closer - "Every kiss begins with Kay." After having to sit through these darn things, I think I can say for many people that no longer does kiss begin w...

In my opinion, if there’s a best worst show on television, it’s CSI: Miami. This is for one main reason - David Caruso’s character, Horatio Caine. In fact, I typically only watch the show’s opening sequence. A body is discovered, Horatio looks the body over and has a brief discussion with Frank (detective). Frank makes an observation before Caine places on his magical sunglasses, utters a corny line and The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” starts to play. His one-liners are a reflection of Caine’s sunglasses (which I’m sure he wears at night, even in his sleep) - magical. I will now run off a few Horatio Caine-esque one-liners of my own. Be sure to have the before-mentioned song, “Won’t Get Fooled Again” playing while reading these. Also, if you have sunglasses, I suggest you wear them as well. Here we go… Frank: “It looks like she’s dead.” Horatio: “She is, Frank, and she always will be.” Frank: “It looks like this guy was a professional.” Horatio: “Yes, Frank. He looks to be a...