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What I learned in Week 1 of the NFL season

What I learned in Week 1 of the NFL season

In Week 1 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...there are three guarantees in life: 1) Death, 2) Taxes, and 3) The Cleveland Browns smelling, looking, and playing like sh*t.

- ..., when it comes to losing fumbles, a Baker's (Mayfield) dozen means something entirely different. 

- ...nobody will remember these Titans.

- ..., if the Rams ever play a game on the moon, they'll fly out of Los Angeles a half-hour before game-time. 

- ...Aaron Rodgers may be fully immunized from losing to 3rd-string quarterbacks that rhyme with 'Blooper Crush.'

- ...the Cowboys defense is softer than a roll of toilet paper Trump tosses from the America Ocean.

- ..., if they were presented in a line-up of 2nd-half performances, witnesses wouldn't be able to differentiate between the Detroit Lions and the Ohio State Buckeyes.

- ...the LA Chargers' spirit animal is the three-toed sloth.

- ...Ben Johnson can officially be nicknamed the End Zone-Penetration Whisperer.

- ..., before every play, Tony Romo's replacement will accurately predict the former Cowboys quarterback will do a Three Wisemen shot.
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