The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Setting: John Boehner's favorite pub, A-Holes Anonymous John Boehner: "Alright... Does everyone have their six wise-men shots?" Eric Cantor: "I thought that was three wise men." Boehner: "We're just taking those three wise men and squaring that number to six." Paul Ryan: "Isn't three squared seven, not six?" Boehner: "Who cares? Since when were we about numbers anyway?" Ryan: "I care about my P90X numbers!" Boehner: "Shut up, Ryan! Now let's do those six shots!" :: they all do the six shots :: Louie Gohmert: "Holy Issa! Are you sure that was only six? Geez! That's more than I did at my 16th birthday party!" Darrell Issa: "What did you say? Holy what?" Gohmert: "Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Instead of saying, 'Holy crap!" I may have mentioned your name instead. My bad..." Issa: "Alright, well, don't let it happen again! ...or els...

From the outset, I felt that all of this Obama impeachment talk was just a way to fire up the bases, especially given the coming mid-term elections. I honestly felt it was being used by both sides to prompt donations and persuade people to vote in a little over three months. Republican House Speaker John Boehner, however, has a different take on things, as he just recently stated the following: "This whole talk about impeachment is coming from the president's own staff, and coming from Democrats on Capitol Hill. Why? Because they're trying to rally their people to give money and show up in this year's elections. We have no plans to impeach the president. We have no future plans. Listen. It's all a scam started by Democrats at the White House." While Boehner may be partially accurate with his commentary, let's be honest for a moment here - both sides have been using "impeachment" for political means. In fact, when it comes to the game of pol...

As many have heard by now, there was a very unfortunate chemical spill in West Virginia last week, which has left more than 300,000 people without safe water. They've been unable to drink water, shower with it, brush their teeth with it, use it for anything except flush the toilet. Due to a lack of such regulations in the Mountaineer state, the Elk River storage facility hadn't been inspected since 1991 - a full 23 years ago! Speaking for common sense, West Virginia Senator Jay Rockefeller (Democrat) called for tougher regulations, saying this: "Our legislature is in session, so the legislature should take action. But if they don't, then we have to get Congress all over it." So, what did Republican House Speaker John Boehner have to say about new regulations in the wake of the spill? Just the following: "The issue is this: We have enough regulations on the books. And what the administration ought to be doing is actually doing their jobs. Why wasn...

House Speaker and rumored father of Snooki - John Boehner (yes, they're both orange) - has been trying to lay the blame of the government shutdown on President Obama due to his negotiation reluctance. Other Congressional Republicans have followed the orange man's lead, saying things such as, "The president will negotiate with Iran, but not House Republicans?" What Boehner and the other reality deniers fail to see is that the negotiations took place three years ago in order for the law to pass through Congress and be signed by the president. Remember the Democratic primaries leading up to the 2008 presidential election? Then candidate Obama was in favor of other ways to improve our healthcare system over a mandate. Hillary Clinton was more supportive of such a measure at the time. Once Obama was elected and got to work on healthcare reform, he seemed to be more in favor of a public option than a mandate, but soon realized a public option had no chance of passing thro...

At a recent town hall meeting, Republican Florida Representative Ted Yoho (I may call him Yahoo from this point forward) said the following with regard to Obamacare: "I had a little fun with [John] Boehner and told him about the sun tanning tax. He goes, 'I didn't know it was in there,' and I said, 'Yes, it's a ten percent tax.' He goes, 'Well, that's not that big of a deal.' I said, 'It's a racist tax.' He goes, 'You know what, it is.' I had an Indian doctor in our office the other day, very dark skin, with two non-dark skin people, and I asked this to him, 'Have you ever been to a tanning booth?' and he goes, 'No, no need.' So therefore it's a racist tax and I thought I might need to get to a sun tanning booth so I can come out and say I've been disenfranchised because I got taxed because of the color of my skin. As crazy as that sounds, that's what the left does right..." First off, Rep...

I read an article today and couldn't help but share an excerpt of it. It pertains to the House fiscal cliff vote earlier this year. The article says: "Barely 36 hours after the caustic New Year's Day vote, Boehner faced a coup attempt from a clutch of renegade conservatives. The cabal quickly fell apart when several Republicans, after a night of prayer, said God told them to spare the speaker. Still, Boehner came within a few votes of failing to secure his speakership on the initial vote, an outcome that would have forced a second ballot for the first time in nearly a century." All of these House members whom prayed to God the night before the vote were told the exact same thing - to spare Mr. Boehner as speaker? Fascinating... Well, after reading that, I have a few questions for all of these Republican House members: - What did God's voice sound like? Was it more reminiscent of James Earl Jones in a cave or Michael Jackson when grabbing his crotch? - Did ...

So, like last summer, President Obama is trying to work with Congress on a way to prevent student loan interest rates from doubling on July 1st of this year (from 3.4 to 6.8%). The president is trying to be, you know, presidential. What did Indiana Republican Representative Luke Messer have to say about this? Just the following: "It's not only a distraction from issues like Benghazi and the IRS and Department of Justice, but it's a distraction from the fact that the real threat to college-age students in America today is not a few more dollars on their student loan, it's the fact that the explosive growth of debt, the fact that the jobs in this economy for young people entering the marketplace have been the people probably most hurt by the Obama policies." Minnesota Republican Representative John Kline added: "It's time for the president to stop politicizing the student loan issue. The president and House Republicans agree on the need for a long-t...

In a heated exchange between Republican House Speaker John Boehner and Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid regarding the fiscal cliff last Friday, supposedly the following exchange took place: Boehner: "Go f**k yourself." Reid: "What are you talking about?" Boehner: "Go f**k yourself." Yes, a man representing the supposed party of family values told a man representing the supposed party of Satan to go f**k himself twice. When hearing this for the second time, I have to imagine Harry Reid looked down at his junk and in his typical monotone voice, replied, "It's not big enough to do that" or "I'm not that flexible," before saying, "If your face were male genitalia, I'd say it looks like you've been f**king tanning beds the past few years!" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/02/fiscal-cliff-negotiations-john-boehner-harry-reid_n_2394725.html

I'm not sure if this was just a coincidence or what exactly, but it appeared as if Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was a bit darker in complexion during his September 19th interview on Univision (U.S. Spanish-language television network). I'm not sure if the guy was attempting to look more Latino, compete with Speaker of the House - John Boehner - for the most orange complexion in the country or if in preparation for a loss in November's election, he's auditioning become the Syracuse Orange's new mascot. Picture of Romney on Univision http://www.truth-out.org/buzzflash/commentary/item/17520-romney-darkens-skin-color-to-appear-more-hispanic-for-univision-interview Picture of Boehner   http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/WeepyBoehnerFlat.jpg   Picture of the Syracuse mascot http://touchdownsandtogas.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/syracuse-orange-mascot.jpg  

After he's done with politics, I have an idea for the new speaker of the house, John Boehner (R - OH). He should move to New York and become the mascot for Syracuse. He wouldn't even need a mascot's outfit. He could dress in a suit and tie, while cheering on the Orange and I don't think many people would be able to tell the difference. John Boehner http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&q=john+boehner+orange&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=0pE_Td2WBc3pgQeNqLGiAw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=2&ved=0CDQQsAQwAQ&biw=1600&bih=684 Syracuse Orange Mascot http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&q=syracuse+orange+mascot&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=7ZE_TZKQM4GugQfj7bHzAg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4&ved=0CEMQsAQwAw&biw=1600&bih=684

New Speaker of the House, Republican John Boehner of Ohio, has laid before this nation quite an image of himself. Just a few months ago, before Republicans gained control of the House, Boehner could regularly be seen as a tough guy (sort of) and heard using very strong rhetoric. He was the epitome of what has become the Republican Party, outside the fact his skin tone confuses some with the Syracuse mascot (The Orange). But after Republicans gained control of the house in November of last year, something happened to Mr. Boehner. He went from John Wayne to a woman on her period watching romance films. Yes, John Boehner's image went from that of a Republican to a mother whose daughter was just wed to a drug dealer. [1] Due to these frequent outbursts of tears, Boehner has received his fair share of criticism from both the left and even from inside his own party. Faux News' editorialist, Bill O'Reilly, even claimed that Boehner is emotionally unstable. O'Reilly knows...