The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

The Top Ten Donald Trump/JD Vance Campaign Slogans 10. Support Our Suckers and Losers 9. Keep Trans-parency Out of Government 8. The Hillbilly Covfefe 7. With Good Treason 6. Don’t Judge a Book By Its Author 5. Fighting Fascism One Freedom at a Time 4. The Grift That Keeps on Grifting 3. Putin America First 2. The Wizards of Odd 1. (drumroll, please) Golden Showers Bring Couch F*ckers

The Top Ten Most Profound Statements A Donald Trump Supporter Frightened Of Bernie Sanders Rallies Has Said In His Lifetime 10) "Some people may lay outside or go to the tanning booths, but when I want to get a nice summer tan, I play video games in the basement for a few hours." 9) "Why, when standing on top of this ladder, do I feel shorter?" 8) "While most everyone learns to read, you can't read to learn, because words are stupid." 7) "The best way to get and feel nice and clean is slip 'n' sliding in the mud." 6) "There's nothing quite like putting your head in the freezer when you're cold and want to warm up!" 5) "Since they were real little, I've always told my kids, 'The best way to dry off is by taking a nice long shower.'" 4) "When I'm in a big hurry and am running late for something, instead of taking my car, I pretend to do the hurdles while wearing ice skates....

Having been a long-time viewer of both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report , it was incredibly tough seeing Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert leave their respective shows this past year. Larry Wilmore's The Nightly Show  has improved in recent weeks, but it still lacks the biting satire and goofy charm of The Colbert Report , and it's unknown at this time just how well Trevor Noah will be able to fill in for Jon Stewart on The Daily Show . Fortunately, Stephen Colbert returned last night as host of CBS' The Late Show , taking over the reins from David Letterman. Supposedly the show lasted two hours and had to be condensed to slightly over an hour, so there were some bumps and bruises along the way, but that's to be expected in a show's debut. It featured guests George Clooney, Jeb Bush, and around fifty musicians performing their rendition of Sly & the Family Stone's classic tune, "Everyday People." Colbert's introduction and monologue were d...

Just the other day, I came across the following post on Facebook, where the poster ironically added the words "Too true!" in his status. I say it's ironic because the post isn't true at all. It's entitled, "David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons to vote Democrat" and goes as follows: "David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons to vote Democrat #10.  I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd. #9.  I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't. #8.  I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. #7.  I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. #6.  I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are ...

A while ago, Britney Spears appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman and confessed that she was pregnant again. Dave then offered to let her do the Top Ten List and she accepted. The one word Britney couldn't pronounce? "Tamiflu." She referred to it as "the something." Close, but not quite. If she had said, “tampon,” where the first three letters were correct (3 out of 7! 42.9%! Not bad!), I may have cut her some slack, but “the something” just doesn’t cut it for me.

Last night. It was pretty kinky. Okay, that's just gross. A while back, Tom Cruise was a guest on the David Letterman show and I was hoping for entertainment, because Tom is a bit on the goofy (wacky kind) side now. He was there to promote not the 1st, not the 2nd, but the 3rd Mission: Impossible film. Sequels, that can mean only one thing, summer is almost here! But anyway, back to Tom. He didn't jump on any couches. He didn't talk about Scientology. Dave didn't ask him about it or the "silent birth”. All they talked about were their kids pretty much and Tom gave very short answers, had a serious tone to his voice, a serious expression on his face and yet provided answers like he was a cast member of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure”. Actually, if you add all those elements together, it makes his appearance slightly amusing. Dave asked if the whole process (birth) was easy and Tom's answer? "Yeah, it was easy." That was it. And yea...