The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Right-wing Hill columnist Joe Concha decided to chime in with his take on TIME magazine's Person of the Year award. The winners of the award were "The Guardians and the War on Truth," with Robert Mueller finishing in 2nd. Before delving into Concha's column, the official criteria for the award is "the person or persons who most affected the news and our lives, for good or ill, and embodied what was important about the year." Having said that, here were the finalists for the award: - Donald Trump - Separated Families - Vladimir Putin - Robert Mueller - Ryan Coogler - Christine Blasey Ford - Jamal Khashoggi - March For Our Lives Activists - Moon Jae-in - Meghan Markle So who did Concha think should have been added to that list? Brett Kavanaugh. The right-wing shill attempted to rationalize this by writing the following: "If Ford is being considered, why not the person she accused of attempting to sexually assault her 36 years a...

On December 10th, 2018 at 9 am EST, we were presented with the worst article of the year. Via The Hill , right-wing shill Sharyl Attkisson released an op-ed entitled, "Mueller's findings don't matter." It only got worse from there. Let's dissect it now, shall we? Attkisson started her piece (of garbage) with this: "In part, it's the length of time that it's taken that has rendered special counsel Robert Mueller's probe functionally irrelevant." Tell that to the 33 individuals who have been charged thus far... "I submit that the die was largely cast prior to Mueller's appointment on May 17, 2017. Perhaps if there had been a quick investigation with prompt findings inside of a couple of months, things might be different. But nearly 19 months of speculation, breathless leaks and innuendo - true and false - have taken on lives of their own, providing time for each side to dig in." Apparently Ms. Attkisson believes federal ...

There are only four certainties in life: 1) Death, 2) Taxes, 3) Laundry, and 4) Millennials hating Donald Trump. A recently released Pew Research poll followed this trend, as just 27% of Millennials surveyed approved of Trump's job performance, while 65% disapproved. That wasn't the case in another recently released poll, however. According to Zogby , Donald Trump's approval rating amongst Millennials is 50%, while his disapproval is at 48%. Not only that, but the pollster claims that among those aged 65 or older, the president's approval rating is at a net -12%, as 44% approve and 56% disapprove of his job performance. This Zogby poll is fifty shades of backwards. The most Democratic-leaning generation are Millennials, as 59% lean that direction, while only 32% lean Republican. On the flip-side, the Silent and Boomer generations are the most Republican-leaning, as approximately 49% lean that direction and 46% lean Democratic. Let's look at the analytics of th...

As long time readers know, I've handed out awards for Douche of the Day, Douche of the Week, Douche of the Month, even Douche of the Year, but today, for the very first time, I'm dishing out an award for Douche of the Century. When speaking with Jim Gray on Westwood One Monday night, former Chicago Bears head coach Mike Ditka let his voice be known about the NFL players National Anthem protest. I'll save the best quote for last, but here are just a few appetizers before I provide the main course: - "Is this the stage for this? If you want to protest, you've got a right to do that. But I think you're a professional athlete. you have an obligation to the game." - "I don't see a lot of respect for the game. I just see respect for their own individual opinions. ... Respect the game, play the game, when you want to protest, protest when the game's over, protest whatever other way you want to." - "I don't care who you are, or ...

To everyone's surprise except for his own, Donald Trump presented himself with the first (and possibly last) National Modesty Award today. When accepting his own award for modesty, Trump had this to say: "I am both proud, honored, and humbled to present myself with this award for modesty today. I would first like to thank the committee, comprised of just myself. I would next like to thank me, because without me, none of this would have been possible. Lastly, I'd like to thank my father, for pushing me to be so rich, so successful, and so awesome, for inspiring me to do it all on my own, thanks in part to the $1 million he gave me, but mainly thanks to what I did with that very very small sum of $1 million. I mean, the $1 million is pretty irrelevant when you think about it. Suppose for a second my father didn't give me the $1 million. Suppose I had to start from scratch, was all on my own, I'd... Where was I going with this? I... Uh... I'd still be here today...

Just this morning I read the following headline, which prompted me to read a bit further: "Political science professor forecasts Trump as general election winner." No, given the fact Donald Trump is the current favorite to represent the Republican Party in the coming election, it's not completely asinine to predict he'll be our next president. However, Stony Brook University political science professor, Helmut Norpoth, decided to take the prediction a step further in order to make it asinine. According to Mr. Norpoth and his can't-miss formula, if Donald Trump winds up becoming the Republican nominee, he has at least a 97% chance of winning the general election, regardless of who the Democratic candidate is (likely Hillary Clinton). Norpoth elaborated by saying, "The bottom line is that the primary model, using also the cyclical movement, makes it almost certain that Donald Trump will be the next president if he's a nominee of the [Republican] party...

These are sad times when it comes to the Republican Party and science. It's reached the point where former South Carolina Congressman Bob Inglis just received an award for being the "2015 recipient of the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award for political courage." What was the award for exactly? Allow John F. Kennedy's grandson, Jack Schlossberg, to tell you: "Former U.S. Congressman Bob Inglis was named the 2015 recipient of the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award for the political courage he demonstrated when he reversed his previous position on climate change, knowing that by acknowledging the scientific reality of atmospheric warming and calling on the United States to meaningfully address the issue, he was jeopardizing his political career..." Yes, a Republican just won a political courage award for finally accepting the reality of climate change. Granted, I give the guy credit for finally accepting reality, but do I think a person should ...

Starting next year, next to the words "insensitive," "jerk," "prick," and "douche" in the dictionary will be a picture of Samuel Wurzelbacher, or as he's better known, Joe the Plumber. Following the recent Santa Barbara shooting rampage, Wurzelbacher wrote an open letter to the victims' families, where he actually said this: "I am sorry you lost your child. I myself have a son and daughter and the one thing I never want to go through, is what you are going through right now. But: As harsh as this sounds -- your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights." He then claimed that pro-gun control activists "don't care about your family or your dead children at all," before following that up with this: "They sound like they do, whereas I sound uncaring and like I say, harsh. Don't be fooled - I care about your family and mine. The future of our very liberty lies in the balance of this fight....

It's a sad day for this planet and a great day for narcissists worldwide, as Oxford Dictionaries announced that their Word of the Year is "selfie." For those unfamiliar with the term, it means "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website." Runners-up for the award included: bedroom tax, binge-watch, bitcoin, olinguito, shmeat, showrooming, and twerk. Yeah, once "twelfie" starts being used with regularity (a selfie of one twerking), I may provide the world with a midfelfie of my own (a selfie of me holding up a middle finger). http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/word-of-the-year-2013_n_4296009.html