The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I stumbled upon a writing competition about a month ago (or so). It required a 5,000+ word composition which had yet to be published. For whatever reason, an idea immediately sprung to mind - a satire inspired by the most recent general election - and I went to work. For as skeptical as I was at times, I was able to complete the book by the contest's deadline and it's now available on Kindle for just $0.99. The book's title is The Art of the Steal: How a Chump Became School President , will likely be the shortest and cheapest book I'll ever write (just over 6,000 words), and if you're at all curious, you can look at and/or purchase it here: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Steal-Became-School-President-ebook/dp/B071F9TVRW/ref=sr_1_12?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1495159334&sr=1-12&keywords=art+of+the+steal Here's a quick summary of the book:  " Whether it was money, gifts, house work, or his grades at school, Ronald Chump had everything handed to him...

I've just recently come into contact with the host of the Tracy Fort Show , yes, Tracy Fort, and think my readers should check out her show She covers a wide range of topics, is interesting, progressive, and needs help spreading the word about her new show. For more information, you can check out her 4 pm (EST) show today or previous recordings here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thetracyfortshow If you have a Twitter account, you can follow the show at this link: https://twitter.com/TracyFortShow To try and get word out about the show, they're holding a contest. Ms. Fort explains it via these two tweets: - "We are having a contest! Get me to 1000 followers. Tell people to follow the show @TracyFortShow & also have them post who told them.1/2" - "Once we get to 1000,the person closest 2 1000 in referring friends,will get $25 iTunes card along with person who referred them will as well" If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

On the front of my '80s-rocker costume (I simply called it - Craig on a Saturday night, because let's be honest - that's how I always dress on Saturdays) was a sign I created which said, "Hey baby, wanna be my groupie?" and on the back, I created a top ten list of groupie disqualifiers. Here they are: My Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers 10) You've slept with one of the following people: Gene Simmons, Wilt Chamberlain, Mister Rogers or The Pope. 9) After sleeping with you, 94% of guys immediately look at you, begin to cry and then say, "I think I might be gay." 8) You think Kama (comma) Sutra is a kind of punctuation used in India.  7) You've been cordially greeted by multiple sumo wrestlers, as they feel you're one of them. 6) Debbie Downer is forced to take Prozac before, during and after speaking to you.  5) You have what is known as golf-enthusiast's Tourette's syndrome in the bedroom, as just before forn...

So, I just won a poetry contest. Yay! Well, okay, so perhaps it's more of a "prestige" thing, because I didn't win any money. We all know how famous many contemporary poets are too, so I've got that going for me. Aw yeah! Perhaps I should enter some where I can actually win money, even just $5. I can then brag to the ladies at bars, "Hey baby, did you know I just won $5 at a poetry contest? So... wanna go out sometime?" That will win her over! The poem that won it is one of my recent efforts: Beat Sheltered from this world, Protected from potential harm, Fearful of being released, Wanting to maintain its innocence, As it begins to mature, Innocence slowly fades, Longing for a sense of freedom, To make its own decisions, Finally out in the world, Released to the masses, Curiosity at its peak, Expanding with every experience, Handed to another, Trusting of their care, Full of life and joy, Fears, worries and doubts spared, No long...

I really hate filing complaints against waiters. They hardly get paid anything and rely on tips to make any kind of money. I filed a complaint one time against a bartender, because I was told by a buddy of mine that well drinks were half off, so when the bartender charged me $5, I simply said, "I thought wells were half off tonight." He replied and I quote, "Do you have a vagina?" Not believing what I had just heard, I said, "What?" He repeated himself, "Do you have a vagina?" Keep in mind, I didn't know this guy and it was my first time at this particular bar. So, I filed a complaint and was rewarded very nicely in an attempt to persuade me to give the bar another chance. I did one time to make use of the certificates, but felt no need to go back after that. I thought it was a very nice gesture, but still didn't convince me to go there much. I believe that's the only time I've filed a complaint and I'd have to say i...