On the front of my '80s-rocker costume (I simply called it - Craig on a Saturday night, because let's be honest - that's how I always dress on Saturdays) was a sign I created which said, "Hey baby, wanna be my groupie?" and on the back, I created a top ten list of groupie disqualifiers. Here they are:
My Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers
10) You've slept with one of the following people: Gene Simmons, Wilt Chamberlain, Mister Rogers or The Pope.
9) After sleeping with you, 94% of guys immediately look at you, begin to cry and then say, "I think I might be gay."
8) You think Kama (comma) Sutra is a kind of punctuation used in India.
7) You've been cordially greeted by multiple sumo wrestlers, as they feel you're one of them.
6) Debbie Downer is forced to take Prozac before, during and after speaking to you.
5) You have what is known as golf-enthusiast's Tourette's syndrome in the bedroom, as just before fornicating, you repeatedly yell out, "Get in the hole!"
4) Just from looking at you, guys feel an itchy, burning sensation in their nether-region.
3) In response to touching your legs, an ex gave you the nickname, "Porcupine".
2) Your favorite sex toy you refer to as "The Destroyer".
1) When asked about you, Charlie Sheen responded with, "That b***h is nuts!"
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