The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Cosmo knows how to give sex advice like yes-men know how to say no (on pages 172-174 in The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) I have a hunch many whom failed out of college trying to become shrinks wound up writing for Cosmopolitan magazine. Whenever a woman tells me about some advice she read in Cosmo, roughly 88.9% of the time I shake my head, cringe, and say, "Somebody's going to wind up in a hospital." Here are a few such examples provided by the lovely world of Cosmo: Advice: "Give his wiener an Indian burn." (182) Yes, next to rug burns and fire burns, Indian burns are men's favorite kind of burns on their wieners. On the made-up adult version of Family Feud, when guys were asked the question, "What can a woman do with your penis that turns you on the most?" these were the top answers: 5. Look at it with a pair of horny eyes 4. Stroke it the way Clarence Carte...

Know how, in light of their numerous defeats last November, the Republican Party has been trying to expand their voting base? Well, according to the "conservative, nonpartisan think tank" Center for Immigration Studies, there's really no need for the GOP to do that. Based on reviewing newly released Census data, this "conservative, nonpartisan think tank" had this to say: "As Republicans think about how they can expand their voting base, the new data suggest that one of their biggest problems in the last presidential election was that so many less-educated whites sat home. These voters, who have been hit hard by the recession, have traditionally supported Republicans. It seems likely that by supporting the Schumer-Rubio amnesty, GOP legislators would further alienate these voters." The report went on to suggest that if Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney had won 3% more of the white vote, he would have won the popular vote, but that num...