The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

A recent New York Times report let it be known that Ben Carson's foreign policy adviser, Duane Clarridge, thinks the GOP candidate knows less about foreign policy than an elephant knows about frequent-flier miles. In hilarious fashion, Mr. Carson attempted to refute Clarridge's claims by saying the following in an interview with PBS NewsHour on Tuesday night: "[Calling Mr. Clarridge an adviser] would be a great stretch. He is a person who has come in on a couple of our sessions to offer his opinions about what was going on..." So Duane Clarridge was offering Ben Carson some words of advice. In other words, he was an an adviser to the GOP hopeful. Alex Trebek: "...and the answer is, 'One who gives advice.' Yes, Mr. Carson..." Ben Carson: "What is a person who has come in on a couple of our sessions to offer his opinions about what was going on?" Trebek: "Yes, and what is the word we're looking for here?" Carson: ...

After defeating Manny Pacquiao on Saturday night, boxing great Floyd Mayweather said that after his boxing career comes to a close, he's going to become a dance instructor. "If there's one thing I like more than punching people in the face, it's dancing," said the 38-year-old Mayweather, adding, "Whether it's in the ring, with the press, or elsewhere, there's one thing I've always excelled at, and that's dancing." When asked what type of dancing Mayweather would teach, he said this: "There isn't really a specific name for my kind of dancing. It's different from any other kind of dancing. With the dancing I'm gonna teach, guys all over the world will start taking their ladies out on the dance-floor, with their fists raised up, moving their heads side to side, and trying to keep as far away from these women as possible. Every now and again, perhaps toward the mid portions of songs, guys will reach out for their dance ...

Ohio Governor John Kasich recently got himself into a bit of a pickle. When speaking with the Associated Press , Kasich said that the repeal of "Obamacare" is "never going to happen." He also said that the "political or ideological" opposition to the Affordable Care Act ("Obamacare") - the Medicaid expansion in particular - doesn't "hold water against real flesh and blood, and real improvements in people's lives." After likely receiving some backlash for his statements, Kasich went to the Washington Post to "clarify" his position, when he said: "I don't back Obamacare. I never have. I want it to be repealed. If the House and the Senate [are Republican-controlled] and we have a Republican president, Obamacare will be repealed flat out. Flat out. And it will be replaced." Okay, so Kasich went from saying the Affordable Care Act wasn't going to get repealed and that improving people's lives w...

I've never been one to club. I enjoy going to bars with friends or family, joking around, listening to good music, people-watching, and pretending we're on the show Mystery Science Theater 3000  as we make up stories about these very people. However, while I have no problem talking to random people at bars and introducing myself by sticking out my right hand out, saying, "I'm Craig," and shaking the person's hand, I've never been too fond of being introduced to someone by them rubbing themselves up against me without even telling me their name. Maybe I'm strange like that, but as my mama always said, "When speaking to a lady for the first time, make sure you're respectful to her. Don't go rubbing your junk all over her in hopes that your territory is marked and she'll only talk to you the rest of the night. This is especially the case if you got that herpes thing that's been going around." Alright, so my mother never said that...

I know my parents are like this. I'm curious if most people are. As soon as it gets dark, the shades must be closed. Why? Because according to them, there could be people just outside the house looking in wanting to see an exciting show, you know, of them watching television shows. That or neighbors from hundreds of yards away have their binoculars in hand and are peeking through, because well, they've got nothing going on, right? Really? Do we really have to worry about that? Do married couples, children or even single adults really do that? "So, what should I/we do tonight? Watch 'CSI'? Watch the game? Read a book? Listen to some music? Play video games? Check e-mail? Sleep? Oh, I know, I'm going to watch the neighbors if their shades are open. That will be a blast! I'm going to make some popcorn!" I think I may keep the shades open all night and dance in the nude. I'll have to wait and see if I wind up on YouTube, that or the cops knock on...