The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I'm not going to overreact to the election results. Let's face it: Republicans were favored to win the Senate (they did); Trump was favored to win the election (he did); and the House was viewed as a coin flip (we're still not sure what the exact numbers are, but the margin, either way, will be quite narrow). Having said that, the Republican Party will likely control the House, the Senate, and the Oval Office, at least for 2 years. It's times like these pundits will overreact and suggest the party on the short-end will need to undergo a drastic transformation, if they ever want to aspire to garner control, in any capacity, again. Okay, hold up there, Sparky. Let's settle this thing down. There are only two major political parties in the United States. Until a 3rd one comes into existence, voters will continue to go back and forth between Republicans and Democrats. Remember when Biden beat Trump in 2020 and Democrats exceeded even their wildest of expectations in the...

Not long ago, former Pro Bowl quarterback and human-highlight reel Michael Vick came under scrutiny for advising former Super Bowl and current free agent quarterback Colin Kaepernick to get a haircut, saying image is important. While I disagreed with the former #1 pick's assertion that Kaepernick's protests last season played no factor in him not being signed today, I could understand his unfortunately real assertion that most NFL owners are white and there's often a double-standard in the league as far as black and white players are concerned, particularly when it comes to image. Well, now it's former Super Bowl and future Hall-of-Fame linebacker Ray Lewis's turn, and in my opinion, his advice to Kaepernick is far more troubling than Vick's. Just the other day, Lewis said this: "The football field is our sanctuary. If you do nothing else, young man, get back on the football field and let your play speak for itself. And what you do off the field, don...

Largely due to health complications, I've been out of the dating game for a while. I just recently decided to put myself out there once again courtesy of a pair of dating sites. When deciding which dating sites to peruse, I thought to myself, "Why waste my money on the Match.coms and eHarmonys of the world when I can get the same service for free on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish?" Now that I've been on the latter-mentioned sites for 4-5 weeks, I'm starting to think there may be a stark difference between these free sites and the pricier ones. Of the two, I prefer OKCupid by leaps and bounds over Plenty of Fish. However, there are three major problems with OKCupid: 1) The site is virus-prone, 2) It seems as though half the members are affiliated with porn sites, and 3) There's a decent chance you'll get temporarily suspended for nothing at all. I'm lucky I have security on this computer, for if I hadn't, I would have contracted a virus via OKCupid....

In light of the Roger Ailes (of Fox News) - sexual harassment controversy that's been swirling the airwaves over the past couple of weeks, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has weighed in on the matter, saying this: "Some of the women that are complaining, I know how much he's helped them... And when they write books...and say wonderful things about him... Now, all of a sudden, they're saying these horrible things about him." and "There was quite a bit of fabulous things said [about Ailes by Gretchen Carlson]. It would be easier for me and more politically correct for me to say you are right. But you would think she wouldn't say those things... "I didn't know it was more than just her." Then, when he was asked about his daughter Ivanka hypothetically being sexually harassed at work, Trump said, "I would like to think she would find another career or find another company if that was the case." There are numerous...

I was a day late with the trending hashtag #MyAdviceToTrump, but posted a few such tweets anyway. Here they are, ordered from the most to least popular (you can view all my tweets here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki): 1) When speaking out against immigrants, be certain not to fully discuss your family history, your workers, or your wives. #MyAdviceToTrump 24 Likes, 15 Retweets 2) Keep America great by not becoming president. #MyAdviceToTrump 23 Likes, 7 Retweets 3) Since it takes two to tango, you should probably be consistent & punish men for helping provide women the abortion option. #MyAdviceToTrump 17 Likes, 0 Retweets 4) Start providing large doses of medical marijuana to all your rally attendees so their anger decreases to normal levels. #MyAdviceToTrump 9 Likes, 7 Retweets 5) Regardless of what you've been told, being specific while on the debate stage will not result in the zombie apocalypse. #MyAdviceToTrump 9 Likes, 6 Retweets 5) When peopl...

Like anyone, there are comments I receive on posts which can make me laugh and/or smile, others which leave me puzzled, and yet others which result in me reaching for some Aleve. For the first set of comments, I will typically leave a positive response in return. With regard to the second set of comments, I'll typically attempt to respond to the question(s) the best I can, to hopefully alleviate any confusion. Lastly, when it comes to the third set of comments, it all depends on the tone of the comment whether or not I respond. The third and final set of comments I've received can be broken down into two subsets: 1) Angry/insulting and 2) Condescending/know-it-all (but without factual support). Now, I'll admit, when I receive a quick, "You're a (bleeping) idiot! You don't know what the hell you're talking about" kind of comment, I will typically, rightly or wrongly, respond with a short, wiseass remark of my own. It's always been my philosoph...

I haven't followed comedian Steve Harvey's career too closely, but ever since he became host of the game show Family Feud , I've been much more prone to tuning in than I had been previously. In addition to the more adult humor displayed on the show and the greater frequency of laughs as a result, Harvey appears to be having a genuinely good time, which makes the show twice as enjoyable to watch. Even though I've enjoyed watching Harvey as the show's host and tend to enjoy his humor, I had to shake my head at some recent comments he made while speaking to CNN's Joy Behar. A portion of the back-and-forth went like this: Behar: "You say in the book ( Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man ) that you wouldn't go out with a woman, I guess, a woman should not go out with a man that doesn't believe in God." Harvey: "No, I mean, why would you?" Behar: "Do you believe that only people who are religious are ethical and moral?" Ha...

So, did you hear? Dick Cheney co-authored a column in The Wall Street Journal , where he both criticized and advised President Obama about the situation in Iraq. In light of this, word on the street has it that Tiger Woods will write a column where he gives helpful tips on how to have a very happy and long-lasting marriage. In the column, the Cheneys (Liz, along with Dick) wrote the following bits: - "Rarely has a U.S. president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many..." - "When Mr. Obama and his team came into office in 2009, al Qaeda in Iraq had been largely defeated, thanks primarily to the heroic efforts of U.S. armed forces during the surge..." - "The president is willfully blind to the impact of his policies..." - "...Weakness and retreat are provocative. U.S. withdrawal from the world is disastrous and puts our own security at risk." - "American freedom will not be secured by empty threats, meaningless red l...

Cosmo knows how to give sex advice like yes-men know how to say no (on pages 172-174 in The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) I have a hunch many whom failed out of college trying to become shrinks wound up writing for Cosmopolitan magazine. Whenever a woman tells me about some advice she read in Cosmo, roughly 88.9% of the time I shake my head, cringe, and say, "Somebody's going to wind up in a hospital." Here are a few such examples provided by the lovely world of Cosmo: Advice: "Give his wiener an Indian burn." (182) Yes, next to rug burns and fire burns, Indian burns are men's favorite kind of burns on their wieners. On the made-up adult version of Family Feud, when guys were asked the question, "What can a woman do with your penis that turns you on the most?" these were the top answers: 5. Look at it with a pair of horny eyes 4. Stroke it the way Clarence Carte...

Well, I'm heading out of town to be with friends and family for a few days, so if I seem quieter than usual, that is the reason why. I will try to keep tweeting while I'm there, so if you get bored at all, feel free to check me out at this URL - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki I hope you all have a very fun and safe extended weekend. A few words of advice before you get started: Try not to get road rage (especially in states with the Stand Your Ground law), try not to get into a political fist-fight when at a family gathering (especially if Mike Tyson is on the opposing side), don't drink Everclear straight (or with anything), and try not to post too (m)any drunken selfies on Facebook.

I received a kind comment on my blog yesterday, but this individual also made note that when logged into Internet Explorer, he/she noticed some overlap in my blogs perhaps due to a compatibility issue. This isn't the first time I've heard such a thing - both with regard to this site and many others. It's one of the main reasons I no longer use Internet Explorer and have opted to go with the likes of Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome. I started having major compatibility issues with a host of different sites. Also, Explorer is fairly notorious for not protecting people very well from viruses. That's another reason I made the switch. So, if anyone is having compatibility issues when using Internet Explorer, I'd highly recommend making a similar switch. Heck, even if you're not having compatibility problems, I'd probably recommend making the switch anyway. No browser is perfect, but I've had far fewer problems on Firefox and Chrome than I did on Explore...

I've noticed on a number of occasions where Amazon.com reviewers will give an album, a film, or a game 0.5 to 1.0 out of 5.0 stars and then proceed to write a review saying they loved the quality of the product, but were disappointed by the delivery. What they need to realize is they're not dissatisfied with the product, but with Amazon, and what they're doing is punishing the artist as opposed to the deliverer. It makes absolutely no sense to rave about an album and give it 1.0 star out of 5.0, all because the delivery was less than stellar. If anyone runs into this situation, I recommend either emailing Amazon or calling them at this number - (888) 280-3321. Take the matter up with them and hopefully the two of you can work something out. In my experience with Amazon, the customer service has been very helpful, and I'm sure they'll work with you to make sure your needs are met and you're not tentative about shopping there again.

So, I got into an interesting discussion earlier today about an article in Cosmopolitan magazine, which advised women not to refer to a man's nether-region as "cute" or "adorable." Due the film How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days  as well as common sense (from a man's vantage point), I thought this was common knowledge, but I guess that's not exactly the case. So, I was told I should write a blog where I advise women on what not to say when around their male love interest(s). Here we go... 1. Don't call "it" "cute" or "adorable" - For quite possibly the first time in my life, I actually agree with some advice given in Cosmopolitan magazine. I'm sorry to say this, but a man's "junk" makes up approximately 39.7% of his entire ego (that may be an underestimate). Men also tend to link the words "cute" and "adorable" with "small" and "baby-like." When we see a friend or fam...

Just recently, I got into a conversation regarding pornography. I've personally never been into the genre, so I've never held a strong opinion on it one way or the other. Based on the discussion I had, however, I began doing some research on the matter, because there appears to be wildly differing opinions on whether or not viewing pornography constitutes as cheating when a person is involved in a serious relationship. Also, there often times appears to be an assumption by some women that "all" men regularly watch pornography, so it simply has to be accepted by whomever they're with. Through this research, I found that the consensus amongst professionals (shrinks and the like) was that while viewing pornography in isolation doesn't necessarily constitute as cheating, it can definitely be construed as cheating when other factors are taken into account. Amongst commentators of these articles, it appears as if a solid majority of them don't feel pornography...

I have a hunch many whom failed out of college trying to become shrinks wound up writing for Cosmopolitan  magazine. Whenever a woman tells me about some advice she read in Cosmo , roughly 88.9% of the time I shake my head, cringe, and say, "Somebody's going to wind up in a hospital." Here are a few such examples provided by the lovely world of Cosmo : Advice: "Give his wiener an Indian burn." Yes, next to rug burns and fire burns, Indian burns are men's favorite kind of burns on their wieners. On the made-up adult version of  Family Feud , when guys were asked the question, "What can a woman do with your penis that turns you on the most?," these were the top answers: 5. Look at it with a pair of horny eyes 4. Stroke it the way Clarence Carter was singing about 3. Suck it like women from the porno  Blown Away 2. Ride it like Heath Ledger on a horse in  Brokeback Mountain 1. An Indian burn Advice: "Yank his crotch hair....

So, I was kind of torn on what to do Friday night. My girlfriend was getting her hair done and wasn't going to be able to do anything until 11-11:30. My father had just returned to the States from Canada and was pretty tired, so if he and I were to go out, it wouldn't be for long. It had been roughly two months since I had gone to a local pub I frequented. I decided to try and please everybody, so I went with my father to a restaurant/pub to listen to a band for one set and have a drink or two. I then decided to go solo to that before-mentioned local pub, and told my girlfriend, if she wasn't too tired when she finished everything, she could meet me up there. I received an e-mail from her around 11:30 telling me she was done with everything, but was too tired to meet up that evening. Things had been going fine that night until about 1:45 am, and for the first time in my life, from that point until I woke up the next morning, I can't remember a single thing. Fortunatel...

Well, I don't know if anyone else has had similar problems as I have had with regard to the Zynga word game Scramble With Friends (Boggle), but I had been unable to access my account through Facebook as I had been able to do up until a few days ago. I don't know if it was just my phone or a host of others had run into similar problems. If anyone else has been experiencing similar problems, I'd recommend setting up another account through a different e-mail address and starting over again. I set up a new account through my gmail address and everything seems to be working fine again for some odd reason. Hopefully I'll be able to access my other account at some point, but for the time being, this will do I suppose. Anyway, I thought I'd spread the word, just in case other Scramble With Friends players were unable to access their accounts in recent days. If any regular players would like to square off against me, you may find me at the username TheRoz81.

In light of the Republican Party losing seats in both the House and the Senate, not to mention the presidential election this past November, some more libertarian conservatives have expressed that the Republican Party may want to think about becoming more moderate on social issues, especially when it comes to gay marriage. Ohio and Illinois' Senators Rob Portman and Mark Kirk have since come forward with their support for gay marriage rights. Due to this, former Pennsylvania Senator and man voted most likely to have an affair with Pat Robertson - Rick Santorum - decided to make his voice heard about these matters, when he recently told the Des Moines Register the following: "I'm sure you could go back and read stories, oh, you know, 'The Republican party's going to change. This is the future.' Obviously that didn't happen. I think you're going to see the same stories written now and it's not going to happen. The Republican Party's not going t...

I understand this is probably more common than I realize, but one major pet peeve of mine is when my parents still treat me like a 6-year old child. This goes for my mother, in particular. Granted, I don't have any kids of my own, so it's difficult for me to fully relate to them and since I will never be a mother, I find it especially difficult to relate to my mother on this front. However, it still blows my mind that at 32 years of age, I am still sometimes seen as a little boy by them (her). Just the other night, we were having dinner together, and out of nowhere, my mother says, "Just for future reference, it's seen as uncouth to eat before everyone else has sat down and are ready to eat as well. ...just in case you ever have dinner with her family or whatnot (her meaning my girlfriend, I'm guessing)." I was speechless at first, especially since she had started eating before me. The other reason I was speechless was because I'm 32 years old. I pause...

Not long after I moved to Columbus, Ohio from Omaha, Nebraska in the late-winter of 2008, I decided to finally make some changes in my life to improve both my health and appearance, and with that, my confidence. I didn't go to any gyms or hire any trainers. I simply made some common sense changes, like going from soda pop and Gatorade to water, and from fried food (meat) to grilled, and working out more. Just with the water change alone, I lost approximately 5 lbs. my first week. Without even working out a great deal, I lost a good 25 lbs. just with the alterations in eating and drinking habits. Following my health struggles for two years, I put things in overdrive as far as exercise was concerned and lost another 25 lbs. (I had gained about 5 lbs. in those two years where I was ill). I eventually learned that so long as I didn't regress to my awful habits of old, eating and drinking certain things was alright, so long as it was done in moderation. Well, my girlfriend has dec...