The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Just yesterday, Donald Trump told the world, "I really think if I'd had been there, I would have run into the school and disarmed the Parkland shooter with my bare hands." Here's a man that basically ran away from an eagle, a person shouting at a rally, and someone who was dying. He has more Vietnam deferments than Jesus has disciples. Okay, that last one may be slightly exaggerated, but you get my point. The man possesses less courage than my spayed dog has testicles. However, if he wants to play the game, Things That Would Never Happen , why should we stop there? In the future, expect Mr. Trump to state the following: - "I really think if I had been there, I would have jumped on to the iceberg and pushed the Titanic away from it with my bare hands. I really do." - "If I were God, I woulda created the world in 5 days." - "I woulda only needed a rubberband & a Blockbuster card to kill Hitler." - "I've always said th...

While I've lauded Caitlyn Jenner for coming out as transgender and even had no qualms about her winning ESPN's Arthur Ashe Courage Award, I can't help but laugh at her ridiculous comments with regard to politics. She's made it known that, despite a large majority of Republican politicians fighting against the LGBT community's aspiration to attain equal rights, she's a conservative Republican. In an article The Advocate recently released, Jenner even said she'd be incredibly interested in potentially being Ted Cruz's "trans ambassador." Not only that, but in her reality show, I Am Cait , Jenner made the following comments when discussing politics with trans activist and writer Jennifer Finney Boylan: - "...None of the Republicans [say], 'Oh, I hate trans people,' or, 'I hate gays.' Nothing like that. They do more, 'I want a thriving economy so every trans person has a job.'" - "...Republicans and conser...

I continue to be amazed by how an intelligent former neurosurgeon like Ben Carson can regularly come across as both delusional and moronic. It seems that whenever the GOP candidate gets asked about something he dislikes, he feels the need to compare it to either the Holocaust or slavery. When he was asked about the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), what'd he compare it to? Slavery. When he was asked about gun control, what'd he compare it to? The Holocaust. Just this past Sunday, when Meet the Press host Chuck Todd asked Carson about abortion, here's what one of the GOP front-runners had to say: "Think about this. During slavery - and I know that one of those words you're not supposed to say - but I'm saying it. During slavery, a lot of the slave owners thought they had the right to do whatever they wanted to that slave, anything that they chose to do. And what if the abolitionists had said, 'You know, I don't believe in slavery, I think it's...

I'm really getting tired of all this negative talk surrounding the Coca-Cola Super Bowl commercial, but read another article today which has me scratching my head and wondering what planet some people are from. The article, titled, "Culture: The problem with the Coke ad: You don't get to invent your own definition of America," comes courtesy of Sarah Barnes of CainTV  (yes, Herman Cain). One part of the article which stood out to me was this: "That's ironic, because failure to communicate is exactly the problem with this ad. We no longer communicate if communicating means defining anything. Nothing has a definition because everyone now invents their own definition for everything. And that's what Coke did in this ad: It invented a new definition for America. That's a problem, because America actually has a real definition connected to its founding and history. And we need the America of that definition. The real one." That is ironic, bec...

Following a showdown like the one we just experienced through the government shutdown, talking heads on the cable news and talk radio like to the play the who-won-and-who-lost game, because I guess everything is a competition in this country and it allows them to fill air-time. Humorously enough, though, while without question, it was the American people who lost more than anyone during this shutdown, amazingly, many in the Tea Party feel they won. So, let me get this straight. The Tea Party shutdown the federal government, cost this country $24 billion, cost many people their jobs, and brought this nation to the brink of an economic-apocalypse, as multiple economists and investors labeled it, yet they somehow came out of this thing smelling like roses? Okay... Not only that, but according to polls, the American people were not at all happy with the shutdown, blamed the House Republicans (led by the Tea Party) more than anyone else, were not in favor of defunding Obamacare which th...

Want to know why the Republican Party has had so many problems during the past couple presidential elections? Their candidates are moving further and further to the right (either by their own volition or being forced in that direction), while this country is seemingly moving further and further to the left. Both John McCain and Mitt Romney were viewed as moderate Republicans heading into primary season, but were forced to appear further to the right on the political spectrum than they actually were to become the party's presidential nominee. This resulted in flip-flopping, and with that, trust issues when election season was officially underway. This played a factor in their eventually losing the elections. If they had run as the moderates they had always been viewed as before the primaries, they would have likely had much greater chances of appealing to a wider array of voters - independents, in particular. But moderate Republicans appear to be going the way of the Dodo bird - eit...

It seems that some (many) whom identify themselves as Tea Partiers are happy with the government shutdown and think it's a good thing. I can't say this completely surprises me, yet it astonishes me nonetheless. A growing number of self-described Tea Partiers believe in minimal government, if any government at all, so a government shutdown to them is like a wet-dream. They can then temporarily skip and gallop naked about the earth, yelling out, "You see? I don't need government! I'm free! Free as a bird! I was right all along! The government is useless and only there to limit my freedom! Make this shutdown permanent so I can always be so free!" Perhaps if I become addicted to drugs - a hallucinogen especially - and wander away to neverneverland, I too will feel that way. However, as much as I'd love to believe that we're all 100% independent and free, I'd be more delusional than a legally blind person who claims to see voices to think this way. ...

The House GOP appears to be more delusional than someone suffering flashbacks to a Terry Gilliam film in which they never starred. While polls have consistently showed that if the government shuts down, Congressional Republicans will receive the majority of the blame, the House GOP doesn't feel this way for some odd reason. They feel that the American people will blame President Obama - you know, for being elected, re-elected, and not signing a bill to repeal, defund or delay his healthcare bill for a year. Let's break this down for a moment: 1) President Obama got elected in 2008 2) He signed his signature healthcare bill in his first term 3) Even though the GOP told the American people Obamacare would be repealed if they were elected to office, Obama won re-election in 2012, and Democrats picked up seats in the House and Senate for good measure. 4) The House GOP is saying if this elected and re-elected president doesn't do something about the healthcare bill t...

There are several good reasons why I continually satirize the Republican Party more so than the Democratic Party (with exceptions like Anthony Weiner). As regular readers will know, I don't praise the Democratic Party a great deal, but do bash the Republican Party quite regularly. While the Democratic Party does bother me a great deal at times, it is also the more balanced of the two parties at this current juncture. I'd definitely consider myself to be more liberal than most Democrats in Congress, particularly the Senate, however, I'm cognizant of the fact most people in this country are moderate and in representing them, I'd like to see Congress reflect that more readily. That's the thing. While Democrats, especially in the Senate, are fairly moderate, to the point where it's rare to find them all agree on a bill, and are often times willing to compromise with the other side of the aisle, Republicans have been moving steadfastly to the extreme right end of the...

Why is it that so many athletes feel that they're God's chosen ones? While I would probably label myself as an agnostic and don't necessarily believe in a higher power, this kind of thinking still puzzles me. Following the Baltimore Ravens' 28-13 win over the New England Patriots in yesterday's AFC Championship Game, vaulting them to the Super Bowl to face the San Francisco 49ers in a couple weeks, Pro-Bowl and future Hall-of-Fame linebacker Ray Lewis thanked God first and foremost, talked about God believing in him, God's plan for he and his team, and I don't remember what else. While I respect Mr. Lewis' religious beliefs generally speaking, I have trouble understanding or agreeing with him that the Ravens are going to the Super Bowl because it was part of God's plan. Lewis isn't the first such athlete to say such things before, of course. It seems like approximately 2 out of 5 times I hear an athlete speak after attaining success in a g...

The Republican Party continues to be in denial about last month's election. I've heard the following reasons as to why Republicans lost seats in the House, the Senate, as well as a chance to win  back the White House: The electoral college, Gary Johnson, voter suppression, Chris Christie, Hurricane Sandy, the media, voters dependent on government, voter fraud, racists, and the most recent (possibly my favorite) is ACORN. Yeah, in a new poll released by Public Policy Polling, it was found that 49% of Republican voters nationally think that the group known as ACORN stole the election for Obama. There's only one problem with that theory. It's only a minor one, but is a problem nonetheless. ACORN no longer exists. Following this trend, I believe Republicans will blame the following for their defeat in the 2012 election at some point before the 2016 election: The dodo bird Tyrannosaurus Rex Elvis Presley Realistic reality shows Good defenses in college football ...

Another right-wing conspiracy theory is circulating the web and airwaves. For some strange reason, the jobless claims increasing this week is part of some grand conspiracy. You see, if those claims were reported from the government prior to the election, Mitt Romney would have won - erasing a 3.5 million vote deficit in the popular vote and 126 vote difference in the electoral college. It was all about the Obama Administration "cooking the books," as the saying goes. Okay, I'm going to try and use as small of words as possible, speak incredibly slowly, and perhaps even draw some pictures so that these conspiracy theorists can better understand the situation. Okay, here I go. Wish me luck... Remember what happened just before the election? There was some really yucky weather in the top right part of the country (look at a map....no, your other right...there you go...). This storm was called a hurricane. It did very bad things to states like New Jersey, New York, an...