The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I love my family and I love old people (okay, VERY mature people - I'll be nice), but there are times I have to sit back and wonder, "Is 95% of what you talk about related to health problems?" A couple months ago, I met up with some older friends of mine at a pub. One of them had been going through a lot on the health-front, so I asked him how that was all going. I'll never forget his response. He said, "The one thing you should never ask an old person is, 'How are you feeling?," because you'll never hear the end of it!" Sadly, in some cases at least, that seems to be fairly accurate. Unfortunately, if I were to follow this man's advice, how on earth would I start the conversation? It's just habit anymore to ask any person, regardless of age, "How's it going?" or "What's up?" After hearing this man's before-mentioned response to such a question, while continually hearing about some family members...

In my opinion, if there’s a best worst show on television, it’s CSI: Miami . This is for one main reason - David Caruso’s character, Horatio Caine. In fact, I typically only watch the show’s opening sequence. A body is discovered; Horatio looks the body over and has a brief discussion with Frank (detective). Frank makes an observation before Caine places on his magical sunglasses, utters a corny line and The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” starts to play. His one-liners are a reflection of Caine’s sunglasses (which I’m sure he wears at night, even in his sleep) - magical. I will now run off a few Horatio Caine-esque one-liners of my own. Be sure to have the before-mentioned song, “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” playing while reading these. Also, if you have sunglasses, I suggest you wear them as well. Here we go… Frank: “It looks like she’s dead.” Horatio: “She is, Frank, and she always will be.” Frank: “It looks like this guy was a professional.” Horatio: “Yes, Frank. He looks to b...