The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Have you ever gotten invited to a costume party, shown up wearing a costume, and quickly discovered no one else was? This happened to me on Friday night, and I have to say, while in hindsight I'm sure I'll find the experience funny, at the time it was happening, it was more surreal than anything. So, there I was, after being told about a big costume party a week before Halloween, looking around at everyone else dressed "normally" and thinking, "Am I dreaming this or is it somehow April Fool's Day?" Apparently, the big group throwing the party decided at the last second to tone things down some this year with regard to the costumes, and didn't notify anyone else about it (include the bar owners, whom would have notified me). So, yeah, that was special. I ended up going back home, changing, and heading elsewhere for the night. I guess the only good news from the night was, based on the comments I received from some people, I should be able to turn a ...

On the front of my '80s-rocker costume (I simply called it - Craig on a Saturday night, because let's be honest - that's how I always dress on Saturdays) was a sign I created which said, "Hey baby, wanna be my groupie?" and on the back, I created a top ten list of groupie disqualifiers. Here they are: My Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers 10) You've slept with one of the following people: Gene Simmons, Wilt Chamberlain, Mister Rogers or The Pope. 9) After sleeping with you, 94% of guys immediately look at you, begin to cry and then say, "I think I might be gay." 8) You think Kama (comma) Sutra is a kind of punctuation used in India.  7) You've been cordially greeted by multiple sumo wrestlers, as they feel you're one of them. 6) Debbie Downer is forced to take Prozac before, during and after speaking to you.  5) You have what is known as golf-enthusiast's Tourette's syndrome in the bedroom, as just before forn...

Yeah, that's right. As of tomorrow night, when I venture to a Halloween Party at a pub I frequent, I think it will be safe to say that upon my passing, I will be going to hell. Why is this you didn't ask? Well, because I will be going as Jesus and not just any Jesus. No, while yes, with my costume came all the regulars: Robe/tunic, hair, beard and crown of thorns, I've decided to take things a little further. I will be entering wearing sunglasses, a lei around my neck, a sign on either my front or back (haven't decided yet...depending on if the beard and lei interfere with people reading the sign from the front) reading "I Saved Your A$$," while carrying a bag of leis with a note on it that reads "Who wants to lei Jesus? That will be $5." I've also concocted a top ten list I will bring along - The Top Ten Jesus Pick-up Lines and I plan on using a few of those throughout the course of the evening. Finally, I will be bringing with me a recipe for a...