The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Remember when the Supreme Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)? Yes, that was a special moment for many. However, Oklahoma Governor and politician voted most likely to be a wicked witch - Mary Fallin - wasn't as "gay" about DOMA being overturned. You see, the Supreme Court's decision resulted in, amongst other things, service-members with same-sex spouses becoming eligible for federal benefits. Ms. Fallin hated this so much, she announced earlier in the month that state-owned National Guard facilities would no longer allow ANY married couples to apply for spousal benefits. It doesn't matter if the couple is homosexual, heterosexual, or if it involves two women, a guy, a turtle, and a cut-out of Hulk Hogan, the couple wouldn't be eligible for benefits. Ms. Fallin is against gay marriage to such a point that she's come out against the troops. The Oklahoma Governor has one thing going for her, I suppose - she can now say she supports equality, ...

Over the weekend, former Arkansas Governor, current Fox News host, and future star in the film Pillsbury Doughboy - Mike Huckabee - went on a rant about the Supreme Court DOMA ruling, where he uttered the following gems: "If we're determined to change the definition of marriage to accommodate how people feel and what they wish to do because of their mutual consent, then we should immediately release those incarcerated for practicing polygamy or bigamy. And, frankly, let's make all consensual adult behaviors legal, whether prostitution, assisted suicide, or even drinking 16 ounce sodas in New York City." Yes, because they're all the same. A gay couple loving one another and being legally allowed to marry = a person being legally able to pay another for sex = a person being legally able to end a suffering person's life with his or her consent = a person being legally able to drink a 16 ounce soda in New York City. Oh, and by the way, polygamy is a type of m...

I'm amazed by the number of "quality" letters-to-the-editor that are published in The Columbus Dispatch . Another dandy of a letter was printed in today's paper, entitled, "Supreme Court is doing work of the devil." Let me guess, this has something to do with the DOMA ruling. Here's how the letter started: "We were appalled to watch the devil win again on Wednesday as the U.S. Supreme Court rules in favor of homosexuality ("Marriage issue will shift to states, Dispatch article, Thursday). The justices who voted for this abhorrent lifestyle showed exactly why they were put on the court." Okay, first off, who is "we?" Is a person with multiple personalities writing this letter? Is the writer speaking of he and an invisible buddy named Yahweh? Alright, please continue... "They were placed on the bench to continue the devil's destruction of America. The United States was founded by God-fearing people to do God's wo...

Radio talk show host and model for the characters of the game Hungry Hungry Hippos - Rush Limbaugh - appeared to be quite confused about history on yesterday's show, which largely dealt with the Supreme Court's DOMA ruling. At one point, Limbaugh said this: "...Nobody has ever been denied the right to marry. Not a single person. Stop and think about that. Marriage is something. Nobody is saying it's not. If you want to get married, there are certain qualifications. There have been certain qualifications. If you don't meet them, you can't do it. I can't get into a bunch of clubs I'd like to get into either, 'cause I don't fit." I honestly didn't have to think about this much to know Rush is wrong. I know it's easy for him to say that "nobody has ever been denied the right to marry," for he's been married four times now. Sadly enough, Limbaugh got into the following back-and-forth earlier in the program: Caller: ...

Sometimes, Republicans just don't know which fights to pick, do they? Like with trying to repeal Obamacare 37 times and failing all thirty-seven of those times, Kansas Representative and man voted most likely to be the hybrid of a tramp and a KKK member - Tim Huelskamp - said this in response to the Supreme Court's DOMA ruling yesterday: "My response to this will be later this week to file a federal marriage amendment." Recent CNN and Gallup polls have shown that a majority of Americans believe that gay marriages should be recognized by federal law (55% in the CNN poll and 53% in the Gallup poll), yet what did Mr. Huelskamp have to say about this? "A majority of Americans don't like President Obama as president, but he's still the president. What did not happen is what the court and then the folks pushing for [DOMA repeal] hoped would happen: that it would end the debate. The debate is not over." At this current time, 46.4% of Americans appro...

Whenever a pro-gay rights decision is made, I love to hear the far-right's reactions. They're typically crazier than Looney Tunes characters eating Cocoa Puffs while tripping acid. That very trend continued today in light of the Supreme Court's decision to strike down DOMA. Here are some of my favorite such reactions, and my smart aleck commentary to each: Michigan Representative Tim Walberg: "For the best interest of society itself ... we have defined a marriage between a man and woman in the interest of those children... Society itself is at risk." Yes, because in light of this ruling, every state in the country is going to legalize same-sex marriage tomorrow - even Alabama, Oklahoma, Wyoming, and Utah - and every person in this county, whether straight, gay, or bi, will marry someone of the same sex in the next 48 hours. Every person in every couple will remain 100% faithful to the other and there will not any kind of reproduction for the remainder of Ameri...