The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I'll be the first to say that Amazon is one of the fastest, best, most convenient, and most lucrative companies in the world. Having said that, though, they aren't without faults, and one of them happens to be customer service. After trying to sign into Amazon last week, I was greeted with a confirmation pop-up, which asked that I type the final four digits of a credit card number. Unfortunately, the card they provided was an old one to which I no longer had access. So I called customer service for assistance. The first gentleman I spoke with was very friendly. I told him about my situation, and while he couldn't personally aid me, he transferred me to a specialist in the area. This specialist certainly was "special," I tell you... I should probably preface this conversation by saying I sparingly use Amazon for shopping. I typically use it to sell books I've written. So the "specialist," after I explained to him the situation I was in, asked me...

Just like it's difficult to predict their sound on succeeding records, whenever I plan on seeing my favorite band, Muse, perform, it's also difficult to know what crazy events will take place between the time I first see the tickets and the night of the concert. The first time I saw them was likely the smoothest process of all four occasions, as my father and uncle took me to a show of theirs in Detroit for my birthday without any major hiccups - none that I can remember anyway. I ordered tickets to see them in Columbus on that same tour, where my brother and two friends of mine were going to fly in from Nebraska to join me for the festivities. I believe the concert was on a Saturday initially. After the bass player's wife gave birth to their child earlier than anticipated, however, the band had to postpone some tour dates, including the one in Columbus. When they rescheduled, the show went from the weekend to midweek, my brother and friends could no longer make it due ...

Another year and another ridiculous quarterback contract extension. This is getting to be as predictable as offensive Donald Trump tweets. This time it's the San Francisco 49ers overpaying a man behind center, as they just signed Jimmy Garoppolo to a 5-year, $137.5 million extension, making him the new highest paid player in the NFL. Of all the ridiculous quarterback contract extensions in recent years, this may be the most head-scratching and facepalm-inducing. Should the San Francisco 49ers be excited about Garoppolo, the guy who led them to a perfect 5-0 record at the tail-end of last season? Of course. Should they be prepared to pay him more money if he proves to be a consistent and successful starter? Of course. The guy has only started 7 games in his 4-year career to this point, though. Even when he led the Niners to a 5-0 record last year, Garoppolo only had a touchdown-to-interception ratio of 7:5. The 49ers haven't played a postseason game since 2013 and are now in...

As is typical for me around this time of year, I've been spending a lot of time with family around the holidays. My brother, sister-in-law, and niece will be flying this way around Christmas, and as always, I'm incredibly excited to see them. While I love my niece dearly, however, I was quite thankful she wasn't with my family and I on Thanksgiving. When it comes to family, I consider myself very lucky. Sure, there always appears to be some unnecessary drama, not to mention a couple of individuals whom have all been alienated themselves from the rest of the family. What family isn't a little dysfunctional, though? When we're together, chances are we're talking, laughing, eating, drinking, and having a good time. While we find a way to make the diverse mix of constants work together, however, the wild cards are always the cousins' boyfriends/girlfriends, and last month, one such individual prompted me to say thanks for my niece to not be potentially placed ...

During the summer, I received a summons to partake in a jury selection process on four separate dates from September through December. Prior to me venturing to the courthouse on the first three dates, I was informed that the cases had been settled. That wasn't the case on the fourth and final date, however, and I wound up sitting in a room of approximately 35 people Tuesday morning, of which 12 of us would soon be hearing and ruling on a legal case (14 including the alternates). While I was not one of the first twelve selected, after a couple of potential jurors were removed from their duties due to a variety of reasons, I was called up, asked a couple of questions by both the state and defense attorneys, and when everything was finalized, found myself sitting amongst the 12 jurors whom would be deciding the fate of the defendant. Each of the jurors were then handed pens and notebooks, were presented with both the state's and defense's opening comments, before we observe...

A couple of weeks ago, I observed an interesting debate between two friends of mine concerning the power of words and whether or not we could universally erase a select few. One seemed to believe that words possess only as much power as people provide them, that they can mean nothing if we treat them as such, and if we stop using them in the future, they'll all but vanish. The other seemed to disagree with this notion, as they mentioned how a few words got under their skin more than any other, and that whether or not we uttered such words in the future, that wouldn't remove their affect on us. First of all, as a writer, I'm inherently biased toward the power of words. I'm also a believer that less is often more when it comes to certain words. If an individual rarely uses what's considered to be profane language, when he or she does utter such a word, it often times lands a bigger punch than if the stereotypical drunken sailor utters such a remark. It should also b...

What's one of the first things everyone tells you when you talk about getting into better shape? "It's really all about moderation." While that might be technically true, it's also next to impossible. After I got over a 2-year illness about 5 years ago, I went on an exercise tear, and lost a ton of weight in the process. Not only did I exercise a great deal every day, I became Mr. No with regard to desserts, fried food, fast food, junk food, soda pop, etc. I was stricter on my diet than Donald Trump was with his illegal immigrant workers. Time after time, I would get told, "It's okay to snack here and there. Just do it in moderation." When I became more lax with my diet, I wound up gaining most of the weight back, and I've ended up going through such a cycle on multiple occasions since. Moderation may sound nice, but it's much easier said than done. It's fairly easy to say no to cigarettes, alcohol, or junk food after a certain peri...

In a surprise move, 50 million registered Republicans have opted to get treated by self-certified surgeon Ronald Dump of Dump University over Dr. Mallory Smitten, who has been operating on patients for over two decades. According to Mr. Dump's website, he's never operated on a person and never been in med school, but did dress up like a doctor on Halloween in college. When I caught up with Mr. Dump and asked him about the matter, here's what he told me: "Look, I just know how to do things, how to get things done. Put me in one of those special rooms, put a robe on me or whatever, hand me a thermometer thing, a mask deal, and an axe or something, and I'm going to do an unbelievable job, believe me. Just tremendous, fantastic, unbelievable." Following this statement, here's what a few of Mr. Dump's new patients had to say on Twitter: - "The guy just tells it like it is." - Username Tweetledum - "Orange is the new lifesaver!"...

Courtesy of a Facebook friend, I stumbled upon this meme the other day: "Share If You Think Trump Would Be A Better President Than Hillary!" While I can understand why some people have a certain dislike for Hillary Clinton and why some may even feel she's too untrustworthy to lead our country as president, it's beyond ridiculous to claim Donald Trump would make for a better president than the former First Lady and Secretary of State. Let's step back for a moment and look at this from a general job-hiring perspective. - Donald Trump has no experience in the field of politics, while Hillary Clinton has been in the political game for over 33 years - One of Trump's alleged biggest strengths is his business record, yet these following business ventures of his have failed: Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Casinos, Trump: The Game, Trump Magazine , Trump Steaks, GoTrump.com, Trump University, and Trump Mortgage, just to name a few - Hillary Clinton has ...

As mentioned in recent posts, I've unfortunately had to battle some health issues in recent weeks, which landed me in a pair of hospitals on four separate occasions. For those who reside in the area, I thought I'd provide brief reviews of the two hospitals. Grady Memorial Hospital 561 W. Central Ave. Delaware, OH 43015 (740) 615-1000 https://www.ohiohealth.com/grady/ Experience Summary: This is the hospital closest to me, so from a convenience standpoint, this is my best option in case of a medical emergency. I was rushed there via an ambulance on December 26th and had to be driven there on January 10th and 12th. When I went here in 2011 for a gallbladder surgery, my experience was mostly positive. However, the three times I've needed help at this facility in the past few weeks has left a bad taste in my mouth. As I was rushed here on the 26th, I was enduring a serious panic attack - the first of my life. My pulse was between 150 and 155, my blood pressure was eleva...

I'm not going to beat around the bush (literally or figuratively); it's been a rough end to the year. I'm still not exactly sure what happened Saturday night. Everything's still kind of a blur (and yes, I was completely sober). All I can remember is alternately feeling warm and cold, being unusually shaky, and before I knew it, experiencing heart palpitations like never before, having extreme difficulty breathing, and reaching a point where I thought I wasn't going to live much longer. An emergency vehicle arrived shortly thereafter, rushed me to a local hospital, where I got fully hydrated and settled down, to the point where I was released early the next morning. It was a struggle the next three days, though, as I found myself having trouble sleeping, feeling anxious as deja vu struck me while laying in bed, and thinking about my breathing, almost paranoid about it, much more than usual. Four days after the frightening experience, while I still feel alternately wa...

I'm anything but a Smartphone expert, however, after 3-4 years with my Samsung Android, I think it may be time to make the switch from Android to iPhone. It took me quite a while to make the switch from flip-phone to Smartphone since I wasn't much of a texter and used the Internet on the PC so much during the workday, the last thing I wanted to do was get online via a Smartphone while I was out and about in the world. While I'm still not much of a texter, I will say it's nice to be able to look up things on the Internet while out with friends and/or family, not to mention there are a few games which are quite addictive when waiting for a meal or getting ready for bed. Over the past 3-4 years, my Android phone has been getting progressively more frustrating to use, and in addition to finally making the switch to texting more than I had previously (I held off as long as I could), I think I'm ready to switch over to an iPhone. Here are the main reasons why: 1) Stil...

As long-time readers will know, I've unfortunately had my share of health issues through my 34 years. It reached a point three years ago where, due to being unable to pay for my insurance for a month, I was dropped by the insurance company. I was then rejected by insurance companies due to preexisting conditions, and it wasn't until January 1st of 2014 when I was finally able to obtain health insurance again, thanks to the Affordable Care Act (ACA) prohibiting insurance companies from rejecting those with preexisting conditions. Fortunately, I hadn't suffered any health setbacks for the past year and a half until just recently, when I sprained my right foot (the insanity beachbody workout is definitely insane). Due to this, I was forced to go to urgent care, tell a doctor about my predicament, get a prescription, and hope it wasn't very costly. While the copay did cost a few bucks, I was prescribed two medications, and it was 100% covered by my insurance. When informing...

I got a new car over the weekend. Before that point, I had owned just one car in all my years. In '97, I purchased a '95 Saturn, which lasted me through the start of 2013. However, it recently breathed its last breath, so it was time to say goodbye and welcome a new automobile in my life. I went to two places before purchasing my new car. At Toyota, while the seller himself came across as very approachable and kind, others whom spoke to me appeared to be rather irritable, arrogant, and not at all interested in working with me to buy a car. After filling out some applications, I was told I'd receive a phone call that night or the following morning regarding the cars I was interested in and if we'd be able to work out a deal, but never received the call. Perhaps it was just a bad day for them, but in any case, it definitely wasn't a good first impression I had of the place and unless I found a potentially great deal there, I'd be hard-pressed to ever return. I...

Most people I know, so long as they're not driving under the influence, are rather harmless when they drink. Yes, many will get to be a bit louder and perhaps more social with complete strangers. Some will garner something known as "liquid courage" and either sing karaoke or ask a person for their phone number. There are even others that will get quiet and have a goofy smile on their faces. Even though it's a depressant, alcohol does affect people's personalities differently. However, for as harmless as the before-mentioned alterations are to someone's personality, there are other people whom suffer far more detrimental and potentially dangerous effects. Unfortunately, it seems that more times than not, these individuals don't see how alcohol negatively affects them and continue drinking. When it comes to me drinking, I've been told I can get slightly more social and animated. However, there have been times when people have walked up to me and said, ...

Have you ever gotten invited to a costume party, shown up wearing a costume, and quickly discovered no one else was? This happened to me on Friday night, and I have to say, while in hindsight I'm sure I'll find the experience funny, at the time it was happening, it was more surreal than anything. So, there I was, after being told about a big costume party a week before Halloween, looking around at everyone else dressed "normally" and thinking, "Am I dreaming this or is it somehow April Fool's Day?" Apparently, the big group throwing the party decided at the last second to tone things down some this year with regard to the costumes, and didn't notify anyone else about it (include the bar owners, whom would have notified me). So, yeah, that was special. I ended up going back home, changing, and heading elsewhere for the night. I guess the only good news from the night was, based on the comments I received from some people, I should be able to turn a ...

While I've learned to just shake my head and sigh when reading or hearing certain things, that doesn't detract from the fact I do have a number of pet peeves when it comes to both written and spoken language. An overuse of the word "like" in either form of communication has always sounded like nails against a chalkboard to me. "And like that like test was like really like hard and like stuff, you like know?" Not exactly... The new trend of people writing or uttering, "Just sayin'," makes me shake my head, and mumble, "Why on earth is there a need to say that? Yes, you just said what you said. Congratulations." "Look man - if I were you, I'd be checking into where she's been going at 7 o'clock every night, and coming back after midnight smelling like some other guy's cologne, because something ain't right. I'm just sayin'..." Indeed he was... That brings me to a recent article I read, whi...

On Saturday night, I went out with my dad to a local pub to see a band perform. While there, we bumped into a buddy of ours, who, at one point, said a certain lady was giving him the eye. So, when the two of them went outside to smoke and talk, she flirted with him, before out of the middle of nowhere, a massive man walked towards them, gave the woman a big hug and kiss, and in response, she said, "I've missed you." Our buddy then walked in, told us the story, and said, "Why lead me on like that? Why not just say her boyfriend, or whatever he is, was on the way? I would've then left her alone and started looking elsewhere." So, why do she and others lead people on? Since everyone is different, and due to that, there can be no universal reason as to why people lead others on, I do think there are a few common reasons why some people do this. 1. Attention - When some people notice that another has taken a liking to them, they may flirt and almost egg them on...

It was anything but easy, but after four months of sporadically trying, I'm finally enrolled in "Obamacare," and will be saving approximately $1,200 a year due to it (in comparison to my old plan). I created my profile in late December of last year, and while the site was running slightly better than it had been in early October, it still wasn't cooperating with me very well, so I decided to give it up until the new year. Slowly, but surely, I started filling out the application, which was taking a bit longer than I had anticipated. Then, as of March, I had finally gone through all of my 27 healthcare options and made my decision. Unfortunately, after I clicked on my selections for both a healthcare and dental plan, once I clicked "review and confirm," a screen popped up, which said, "$0 premium - click confirm." While I had wished that was accurate, $0 is a far cry from $246, and I knew something had gone awry. When I clicked "confirm,...

Ever go to a bar for a bit, observe a bartender, interact with him or her, and walk out wondering why they're a bartender? I've run into this scenario on three occasions. One bartender was just extremely rude and after receiving several complaints, she got fired for that very reason. Another bartender just wasn't very social - he lacked the bartender personality, and even though he tried, the job just didn't seem to suit him well. Unsurprisingly, last I heard, he was doing something completely different with his life. That brings me to the third bartender - the one I know the best of all three, largely due to the fact I attend this pub about once every 2-3 weeks. While I'll admit that for the most part, the guy does work hard, he simply comes across as the anti-bartender bartender.  Almost any "expert" in the field of bartending will say the five most important qualities for a great bartender to possess are: Multitasking, communication, organization...