The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Gracefully dropping from the sky, held up by a funky looking parachute, Jesus made his long-awaited return to earth this past weekend. He was decked out in a robe, sandals, and shades that would even make CSI : Miami 's Horatio Caine jealous. An incredible light surrounded him which can only be summed up in one word - sunlight. As his feet gently hit the ground, he remained quiet, as everyone started pointing small screens at him, from which they were just speaking into. Some even came up next to him and held up this very screen in front of the two of them while clicking a button of some kind and then walking away. Then the moment finally arrived - the one everyone had been waiting for since JC's demise and rise. Someone even started playing the Dave Matthews Band song, "What Would You Say?," before Jesus silenced them. He then looked from side to side, cleared his throat, grabbed a microphone that hadn't existed previously, and said, "WTF?!?" before sna...

Sometimes I wonder if I was born in the wrong year or perhaps born on the wrong planet. Selfies, duck-faces, planking, fake mustaches, and other such trends, I just can't get into. Now, if an actual duck took a selfie of himself with a fake mustache on while planking, then I might be interested in seeing that picture. Reality television doesn't tickle my fancy. Neither does cable news or a good portion of talk radio. Yes, perhaps I'm a bit old school. Speaking of which, I didn't own a smart phone (I believe it has average intelligence most days, but that's just me) until two or three years ago. Even now, I only use the thing to call friends, answer calls, perhaps check email if I'm out and about, or play a word game or two. That's right - I don't text. I know what you're thinking... "What in the hell is wrong with that guy? Get with the times, slick!" Eh, no thanks... I honestly haven't been a fan of texting since its inception. For m...