The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

For as odd as it may sound, being the political geek I am, Michael Cohen's public testimony before the House Oversight Committee was received as an early birthday present for me, coming 24 hours before I turned 30 yet again. I unashamedly watched it from beginning to end, only taking bathroom breaks when Majority Chair Elijah Cummings granted recess. Yes, I was glued to the tube last Wednesday like a perverted chicken gets stuck to a blow-up duck while crossing the road. Ever since Donald Trump got "elected" president, the meme has been going around, saying, "Elect a clown, expect a circus," and from the hearing's outset, that's what we had - a circus. North Carolina Rep. Mark Meadows started the circus off by protesting the hearing, saying they should postpone it due to Michael Cohen speaking after midnight or something along those lines. Since Democrats control the House, this motion was obviously struck down. This cycle would continue throughout t...

Former respected attorney and current Trump ass-kisser, Alan Dershowitz, recently made his thoughts known on Covington Catholic High School student Nick Sandmann and his family's $250 million lawsuit against  The Washington Post  for libel. Speaking on Hill.TV's  Rising , Dershowitz said the following: "I think they have a reasonable case, I mean the world was guilty of libel. These poor kids seemed to be doing exactly the right thing, and then suddenly because they are thought to be white, privileged kids, suddenly everyone's ganging up on them. I'd be interested to see how the case unfolds. I mean they're asking for a lot of money, I don't think that's going to be taken too seriously. But I do think that they have a significant case and it will be interesting to see how the Post defends against their reporting in the case. It's important to air this issue out in the public, and one of the functions that a suit like this has is to lay it all out ...

Please allow me to introduce everyone to Jonathan Saenz. Not only is Mr. Saenz an uber-conservative Catholic attorney, but he is also the president of a group by the name of Texas Values - an anti-abortion and anti-LGBT group which is dedicated to "preserving and advancing a culture of family values in the state of Texas." In August of 2011, Mr. Saenz's now ex-wife - Corrine Morris Rodriguez Saenz - decided to divorce Jonathan after being married to him for almost 10 years. Why did she decide this was the best move? Oh, it just so happens that Ms. Rodriguez-Saenz left her anti-LGBT husband for a woman by the name of Ercimin Paredes. Yes, Jonathan Saenz, a man who has supported the concept of gay conversion therapy, has said that legalizing gay marriage could lead the way to legalizing incest and polygamy, and is president of the anti-LGBT group Texas Values, was left by his ex-wife for a woman. Approximately 94.32% of the time, I feel the need to insert wisecracks w...

Yet another man has come forward in partially blaming a rape victim for that very crime. On Fox News' Shepard Smith Reports , attorney Joseph DiBenedetto made the following statement in light of news that a Missouri teenager had been raped by a classmate: "What did she expect to happen at one in the morning after sneaking out? I'm not saying - assuming that these facts are accurate and this did happen - I'm not saying she deserved to be raped, but knowing the facts as we do here including what the prosecutor has set forth, this case is going nowhere and it's going nowhere quick." To his credit, host Shepard Smith followed DiBenedetto's despicable remarks by saying this: "What you've done, Joseph, is taken tan alleged victim of rape and turned her into a liar and a crime committer. That's a far jump from a thousand miles away." I love how people like DiBenedetto believe that if X goes out past a certain time in a certain area and is ...

So, I haven't truly written about how I feel regarding the ruling of the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case. I also don't feel the need to rehash the same points we've heard the two sides of the argument make time and time again, so I will attempt to make a point in another manner - through satire. Setting: Prosecutor Peter Gotcha questioning the defendant Jorge Limperdick Gotcha: "So, when and where did all of this happen?" Limperdick: "Just outside of the university right after Avion's public speaking class." Gotcha: "Do you go to school at that university?" Limperdick: "I used to, but not anymore." Gotcha: "So, why were you there?" Limperdick: "To make sure everything was in order and there wasn't anything fishy going on." Gotcha: "Are you employed as a cop at the school?" Limperdick: "Not exactly, but..." Gotcha: "You answered the question. Let me get to ...

Former NFL Pro-Bowl receiver Chad Johnson had reached a deal with prosecutors on Monday, where he'd be called upon to both get counseling and do community service for failing to meet with his probation officer after allegedly head-butting his ex-wife. That is until Broward County Circuit Judge Kathleen McHugh asked Johnson if he was satisfied with his attorney, Adam Swickle. In response, the former NFL star lightly slapped his lawyer on the backside to showcase that he was satisfied in a professional football-esque way. While the rest of the court was laughing at the response, Judge McHugh was none too pleased, and decided to send Johnson to jail for 30 days instead of accept the plea deal. In response to Johnson's action, the judge said: "I don't know that you're taking this whole thing seriously. I just saw you slap your attorney on the backside. Is there something funny about this? The whole courtroom was laughing. I'm not going to accept these plea ne...