The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Beyond Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs (on pages 96-101 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" ) Led by the Tea Party, the further to the right the GOP travels, the more it appears they're devoid of reality. When it comes to the problems of this world, it'll help more to pray than to actually do something about them. When it comes to gun violence, films, music, and video games are more to blame than the actual device which injured or killed people. Interpretation of scripture trumps scientific evidence to the contrary. Conspiracies take precedence over fact-checking. Yes, in the modern-day Republican Party, it's felt like the story of the Easter Bunny is more widely believed than that of Gandhi, and here's a story which attempts to depict just how cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs they've become. Setting: A group of Republicans sitting around a table in a conference meeting room Ted Cruz: "O...

Bad-ass Jesus (on pages 93-96 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" ) I often times wonder what Bible far-right Republicans, especially Tea Partiers, are reading. Many claim to be devout Christians - worshipers of Christ. However, when hearing them speak and seeing what actions they've taken while in office, these words and actions don't really jive with the central character in the Bible and the man they supposedly worship - Jesus. From speaking out against homosexuals, to trying to provide the rich benefits while taking away from the poor, to treating guns like gods, to going to war with smiles on their faces, it puzzles me to no end how these very people can adamantly declare that they are followers of Christ. Whatever Bible they've read, this appears to be how it came across to them: Setting: On a bench in downtown San Francisco, since the Jewish Jesus was apparently born in the Un...

What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do? (on pages 11-12 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" ) It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shut down the government. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their jobs through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows: Position: Teacher "I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We s...

To Bill O'Reilly, marijuana = Russian roulette (on pages 93-96 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 4 - Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses ... #'s in parentheses indicates footnotes) With marijuana officially becoming legal for recreational purposes in Colorado, Fox News host and man known to scream his own name during sex - Bill O'Reilly - has made some rather bizarre statements on the new law. On January 6th of this year, O'Reilly said the following on his own show, The O'Reilly Factor: "...Let's take it step by step. If you use any intoxicating agent, your goal is to leave reality. You're not satisfied with your current state of mind, you want to get high, buzzed, blasted, whatever. Some adults can handle that on occasion, others cannot, so it's literally Russian roulette, but putting intoxicating agents in the hands of children can be devastating."(88) Either O'Reilly doesn't know what the word "literally" means or he'...

The GOP’s new Ten Commandments (on pages 72-74 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 4 - Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) With the Republican Party, led by Tea Partiers, getting more and more extreme and seeming to be increasingly clueless on the messages of the Bible, yet pulling scriptures out of their backsides anyway, I think it's about time the party comes up with a new list of Commandments which better suits their beliefs and agenda. The actual Ten Commandments are as follows: 1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." 2. "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image." 3. "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." 4. "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy." 5. "Honour thy father and thy mother." 6. "Thou shalt not kill." 7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery." 8. "Thou shalt not steal." 9. "Thou shalt not bea...

The Obamascare (on pages 9-12 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 4 - Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses ) Larry the Fable Guy: "Everyone run! Let's get out of here! It's coming!" Jeff Cockworthy: "It is? Well, shoot. Looks like I'll have to leave my adult toys in the washer." Bill Dingbat: "Can I put mine in your washer too? Mine isn't working." Jeff: "We're getting out of here, numbnuts. I'm sure there will be plenty of adult toys wherever we wind up going." Ron High: "Dudes, chill out. Can I at least finish my whiskey?" Larry: "That's your eighth one, slick!" Ron: "Yeah, I know. You guys go on without me. I'm just going to pass out over here by this lovely neighbor's mailbox. Hopefully the person that lives here is hot and takes care of me nice and good, if you know what I mean." Larry: "Okay, fine! Jeff? Bill? Do you guys wanna stay here with Ron and die or are yo...

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Comes Out Against Coming Out (from pages 96-99 of the book The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) While I've never personally watched the show, I think I hear more people talk about the "reality" show Duck Dynasty than I hear them talk about anything else, including their own kids. Well, based on some remarks made by star of the show Phil Robertson to GQ magazine, it appears as if a few regular viewers may opt to start watching something else instead. In the interview, Robertson made the following statements: - [When] "everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong ... sin becomes fine." (90) - "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there - bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." (91) - "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the ma...

I just recently got followed (on my Twitter account that is) by Ray Ceo, Jr., who has a blog (ireadray.blogspot.com) which just surpassed 100,000 readers. He asked if I wouldn't mind sending him a guest blog to post on his site, so I did just that. The piece is called, "Getting schooled on gay marriage - brought to you by a child," and can be read at the following link: http://ireadray.blogspot.com/2013/12/getting-school-on-gay-marriage-brought.html