The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I've never been one to club. I enjoy going to bars with friends or family, joking around, listening to good music, people-watching, and pretending we're on the show Mystery Science Theater 3000  as we make up stories about these very people. However, while I have no problem talking to random people at bars and introducing myself by sticking out my right hand out, saying, "I'm Craig," and shaking the person's hand, I've never been too fond of being introduced to someone by them rubbing themselves up against me without even telling me their name. Maybe I'm strange like that, but as my mama always said, "When speaking to a lady for the first time, make sure you're respectful to her. Don't go rubbing your junk all over her in hopes that your territory is marked and she'll only talk to you the rest of the night. This is especially the case if you got that herpes thing that's been going around." Alright, so my mother never said that...