The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I know I'll likely be viewed as a holiday grump or Grinch or some may even claim that since I'm single on Valentine's Day, I'm just jealous of couples celebrating the day with one another. I can state with great clarity that the latter portion of that sentence is false. Even when I was dating, I held the same feelings about this very holiday. I find this day to be: Dull, unromantic, ridiculous and sad. Let me explain. I find it to be dull because I honestly don't see much excitement regarding the regular routine most couples go through year after year on February 14th. The man may deliver flowers (roses) to his girlfriend's/wife's workplace. On his way home from work, he may pick up a Hallmark card, some chocolates and a teddy bear, before possibly taking her out to eat. Some couples don't fall into this routine, but I know many who do and it makes me yawn just thinking about it. I'll skip to my claim that the holiday is ridiculous. It's a ca...

"Man, my wife is ticked at me. She claims I'm not around enough and she's always wanting me to buy her flowers. She loves chocolate and says I don't compliment her. I'm sick of it. Why does she always have to complain? I mean, I do my job. I bring money home to pay the bills and put food on the table. Isn't that a compliment in and of itself?," said Bubba. "My wife is the same exact way. It's never enough. I'll even take her to Dairy Queen once in a while and that still isn't good enough for her. What can we do, you know? We work until six, come home, want dinner and just want to relax," Jordan replied. "Hey guys," Lance chimed in, "I know of a way to get your wives to stop complaining and believe me, along with that, all of your wildest dreams and fantasies will come true." Bubba and Jordan simultaneously said, "What? How?" "Okay," Lance started in on his advice, "This is how you d...