The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

They're all old, rich, white, and disapprove of black NFL players protesting oppression pre-game during the National Anthem. Also, their attempt to appear patriotic is nothing more than a charade. All they really care about is power and money. According to the U.S. flag code, these five men consistently disrespect the flag by using it in advertising, apparel, and presenting it in a flat and horizontal manner. They have absolutely no room to talk when it comes to patriotism. The flag may symbolize freedom, represent a free and great country to them, but their ancestors were never brought here from Africa as slaves. They never had to place their lives at risk in order to be provided the right to vote. They've never had to fear authority figures following and suspecting them of wrong doing due to the color of their skin. They've never felt the oppression blacks and other minorities have experienced throughout their lives. If they truly want everyone to find a reason to stand f...

In the run-up to the 2012 presidential election, the Republican super PAC - American Crossroads - spent around $300 million on advertising. How did American Crossroads fare? According to the Sunlight Foundation, which tracks money in politics - only 6% of Crossroads' spending went to winners. For math majors out there, that means 94% of the organization's spending went to losing candidates. To put it another way - if Crossroads had taken a 1,000-question exam, they would have answered only 60 questions correctly, while answering 940 of them incorrectly. Judging by those numbers, I think we can all agree that American Crossroads failed miserably, right? Not so fast... As Mitt Romney's campaign manager - Matt Rhoades - recently stated with regard to Crossroads and other like-super PACs: "[They] had a very positive impact on leveling the playing field in target states." He continued by saying: "Obama for America had a strategy to put Governor Romney and hi...

Due to my love of language, ambiguity and sarcasm, whenever I hear certain advertising slogans while watching television or listening to the radio, my mind begins to race and I immediately laugh, as I intentionally misinterpret the slogans to mean something completely different than what they were intended to express. Following will be some of those very slogans and my responses to them (…as if the television were actually speaking to me. Yes, I have a few problems. I need to make some friends.). [1] Double your pleasure. Double your fun. (Doublemint gum) Yes, because when I think about doubling my pleasure and fun, gum is the first thing that crosses my mind. Horatio: “Dude, I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun! This weed is incredible!” Carl: “One sec.” Horatio: “What are you doing?” Carl: “Here you go.” Horatio: “What’s this?” Carl: “Doublemint gum, of course.” How do you spell relief? (Rolaids) Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! Relief. R-E-L-I-E-F. Relief. Just d...

Due to my love of language, ambiguity and sarcasm, whenever I hear certain advertising slogans while watching television or listening to the radio, my mind begins to race and I immediately laugh, as I intentionally misinterpret the slogans to mean something completely different than what they were intended to express. Following will be some of those very slogans and my responses to them (…as if the television were actually speaking to me. Yes, I have a few problems. I need to make some friends.). Double your pleasure. Double your fun. (Doublemint gum) Yes, because when I think about doubling my pleasure and fun, gum is the first thing that crosses my mind. Horatio: “Dude, I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun! This weed is incredible!” Carl: “One sec.” Horatio: “What are you doing?” Carl: “Here you go.” Horatio: “What’s this?” Carl: “Doublemint gum, of course.” How do you spell relief? (Rolaids) Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! Relief. R-E-L-I-E-F. Relief. Just...