The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

So, I rejected another woman this past Friday night, who had been making advances on me and wanted me to go home with her. She was single and attractive, but I just don't do that. Upon hearing about this, a person at the bar where I was sitting, said in a rather flabbergasted tone, "I'm about to give up on you. What, do you not believe in pre-marital sex?" I responded with, "No, it's not that. It's..." ...before someone interjected and said, "He's just particular!" The original speaker then said, "Well, do you go to church?" I responded with a, "No, I'm not religious." He then said, "Well, you're not going to find a woman like that in a bar." I replied with, "I don't look for women when I go to bars." Just before walking away, he said, "You're doomed." So, that's me - an agnostic, whom most people who know me would say has Christian-like values. The gu...