The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Remember when Donald Trump and his followers contended that then President Barack Obama was a tyrant because of all the executive orders he passed? Well, allow me to show everyone, including them, some interesting numbers pertaining to that. I was born in 1981, so let's just compare and contrast the number of executive orders starting with Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan: 381 (average of 47.63 per year) George H.W. Bush: 166 (41.50 p/year) Bill Clinton: 364 (45.50 p/year) George W. Bush: 291 (36.38 p/year) Barack Obama: 275 (34.38 p/year) So let's now rank these five presidents in descending order: 1) Ronald Reagan: 47.63 p/year 2) Bill Clinton: 45.50 p/year 3) George H.W. Bush: 41.50 p/year 4) George W. Bush: 36.38 p/year 5) Barack Obama: 34.38 p/year So, among these five presidents, Barack Obama averaged to issue the fewest executive orders per year. Who averaged to issue the most? Republican God Ronald Reagan. Through six days of Donald Trump's t...

I've found the Donald Trump-Jeb Bush Twitter debate oddly amusing. Perhaps I find it sadly humorous that two 60+-year-old men running for president would engage in such a juvenile discussion, or I'm just easily entertained. For anyone who hasn't heard about this back-and-forth among the two Republican candidates, it started with Donald Trump's criticism of Jeb's older brother, former president George W. Bush, at the GOP CNN debate last month. Jeb responded by adamantly defending his brother, contending that he kept America safe. About a month later, the Donald decided to resort back to the topic, stating outright that 9/11 occurred on George W. Bush's watch, which, as history would tell us, is accurate. Jeb Bush then responded with this tweet: "How pathetic for @realdonaldtrump to criticize the president for 9/11. We were attacked & my brother kept us safe." Read that tweet again. Yes, you read it correctly - "We were attacked & my...

With his younger brother struggling in the polls, former President George W. Bush has decided to mentor Jeb while on the campaign trail. At this point it's unknown whether or not the former president has made an impact, positive or negative, on his younger brother's standing in the polls. However, when we caught up with the former president, here's what he had to tell us about the situation and the words of advice he had for Jeb: "Little Jeb called me one day and said, 'Bro, I need your help. You got elected a couple times. Could you help me get elected once or twice?' I said, 'Yes, of course. You're my big brother.' He quickly corrected me that I was the older one, but anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah... So I gave him a few pointers to follow to improve his chances on winning the Republican primary and becoming the next President of the United States of America. Here were some of my pointers: - 'Before you win the primary or the...

Over six years after he left the Oval Office, former President George W. Bush's private emails have finally been released. Unfortunately, upon reading them, no one in the media outside of most at Fox News were able to understand them, so many other members of the media called on first graders to help them translate the messages. Here are just a few of the former president's emails: - "I wunder what Billy meant when he asked what 'is' was... What is 'is'? Is 'is' even a word? Heck if I know!" - "Read good? Reading gooder is my middle name!" - "The U.S. is the best continent in the world! Isn't that an airline? Continent Airlines?"  "What's red, white, and blue? Give up? Yeah, me too." - "Ful me once, ful me twice, ful me three times, ful me seven times, ful me, wait, where was I?" - "Is 21 less then, greater then, or equal two 974? I don't know! I hate these kinds of stupid q...

A big story is being made about a new Gallup poll which shows that more people now have a favorable view (49%) than an unfavorable view (46%) of former President George W. Bush. It's the first time since 2005 that this has occurred. In my opinion, this is about as big of a story as the fact I wrote with a pen at one point today. First thing's first, Gallup has about as solid a reputation over the past year as Mitt Romney does of smooth-talking women. Secondly, toward the end of his presidency, Gallup had then President Bush at 32% approval. Other polls had him even lower than that. Lastly, Bush has been out of office now for 4.5 years. Given the fact less than one-third of the people in this country approved of the job he was doing as president toward the very end of his tenure, I'm sure there are a great number of people, myself included, whom have a much more favorable view of him out of the Oval Office than in it. How much easier is it to compliment a person who ...

If it were up to the American people, we'd never have to worry about seeing a Bush on a bill (ambiguous indeed...). According to a new Variety Fair poll, only 6% of the American public would prefer George W. Bush or George H.W. Bush to be on a bill, while Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, and Ronald Reagan would all be more popular choices. Yeah, the only bills I can see George W. Bush on are of the counterfeit or $0.01 variety. Want a bill worth a penny? Dubya's your guy! ...or perhaps if he pulls a Heath Ledger from Brokeback Mountain , Dubya will be on a different kind of Bill... Not that there's anything wrong with that. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/03/george-bush-money-currency-dollar-coin_n_3379798.html

Former George W. Bush campaign strategist Karl Rove - known to many as "Bush's brain" - had a few very flattering words to say about the former president when he spoke with ABC News yesterday, when he said this: "The greats, you can't touch: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, FDR. But yeah, I'd put him (Dubya) up there." Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline... Still waiting... Oh, he's serious? Wow... I really don't know how to respond to that. Well, on that note, I'm guessing Mr. Rove holds the following opinions as well: One of the best movies of all-time: Waterboy One of the best rock bands of all-time: Nickelback One of the best baseball teams of all-time: The Chicago Cubs One of the best books of all-time: My Pet Goat One of the best first date ideas of all-time: A strip club named "Hos Who Blow" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/26/karl-rove-bush-presidency_n_3162322.html

Former President George W. Bush is back in the news and for something that may surprise many. Due to his typically horrendous speeches which left English professors all across the country reaching for Advil, whiskey, a shotgun, and a country song, many wondered if he had difficulty reading off note-cards and teleprompters, or if he could read at all. Well, ladies and gentlemen, not only can the 43rd president of the United States read, he now has a library built in his name! That's right! The George W. Bush Presidential Library will soon be on full display for us to all see and perhaps convince us that Dubya wasn't such a bad president after all. Based on what I've read, I think my favorite feature of this library is what's being called the "Decision Points Theater." This is an interactive theater which allows visitors to become hindsight deciders, much like Bush was under then President Dick Cheney. The visitors are presented some information relating to ...

As most of the country (and world) should know by now, if there's one person a Republican politician shouldn't mirror as far as speech-giving goes, it's former President George W. Bush. The guy has had more jokes told about his speech-gaffes than Snoop Dogg has smoked joints. Well, Mitt Romney recently attempted to go against that common wisdom and become one with his innermost Bush while speaking at the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) this past Friday. On February 4th of 2005, when speaking to a divorced mother of three in Omaha, Nebraska, former President Bush said this - "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." Yes, I cringed while reading that also... As noted, Romney gave his best Bush impersonation by saying the following at CPAC on Friday: "Single moms who are working two jobs so their kids can have the same kind of [things] other kids at school have. Dads ...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm an over-analyzer. I earned three degrees in psychology, took elective courses in philosophy and critical thinking. My very first words as a child were, "I think therefore I am." Alright, so that last bit isn't true. I have always been a thinker, though, which is what prompts me to drink on weekends. I have to slow that mind down somehow. Why not go about it legally through the consumption of alcohol? Thanks, Jack (Daniels)! Having said all this, though, even I find the over-analyzing by art critics regarding former President George W. Bush's paintings absurd to the point of being comical. The Bush family got hacked by someone who calls himself Gucifer, who stumbled upon Dubya's latest hobby - painting. The two paintings which seemed to most catch people's attention were of the former president, naked and cleaning himself. In one of the two paintings, Dubya was standing in a shower, in the nude (even Dubya knows not...

Texas Governor Rick Perry reminds me too much of former President George W. Bush sometimes. While they're both quite conservative, they're not as conservative as most members of the Republican House. Both hail from Texas and either were or currently are governors there. Both aren't bad looking men, have very similar southern accents, and provide more gaffes for the media than Angelina Jolie provides sexual fantasies for teenage guys that aren't named Lance. Both politicians have, at times, appeared to be auditioning for a role in a G.I. Joe movie or to be Chuck Norris' sidekick (in a film or real life). Neither are great speakers either. They have often times come across as half-drunk frat boys whom failed their 3rd grade English classes. In saying all that, let me present to you what Rick Perry's response was to President Obama's speech on preventing gun violence: "Guns require a finger to pull the trigger. The sad young man who did that in Newtown ...

Upon going to a bar last night, I overheard some people talking about the "Obamaphone" - a program they claimed had started under President Obama - which provides free cell phones to low-income Americans via taxpayer money. I had merely heard about this through the grapevine and while my BS radar was going off upon haring about it, I still hadn't researched the matter greatly. I decided to stay quiet last night until I researched the matter further and decided to finally do that this afternoon. So, what's the real story? As my gut instinct told me, it's nonsense. Courtesy of the fact-checking site, Factcheck.org , the following was reported: "Q: Has the Obama administration started a program to use 'taxpayer money' to give free cell phones to welfare recipients? A: No. Low-income households have been eligible for discounted telephone service for more than a decade. But the program is funded by telecom companies, not by taxes, and the president...

Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson had a simultaneous orgasm on Fox News last night when reporting on a video which showcased then Senator Obama criticizing the federal government's response to Hurricane Katrina. As Obama is currently the president, it's safe to say this video is over four years old - in fact, it's over five years old, as it took place in June of 2007. The full transcript has been available for multiple years. The far-right is claiming that Obama's speech was divisive and racially-charged, as he said the following: “Down in New Orleans, where they still have not rebuilt twenty months later. There’s a law, federal law — when you get reconstruction money from the federal government — called the Stafford Act. And basically it says, when you get federal money, you gotta give a ten percent match. The local government’s gotta come up with ten percent. Every ten dollars the federal government comes up with, local government’s gotta give a dollar. Now here’s ...

I've heard and read numerous comments from Republicans that President Obama has done nothing but whine and blame his predecessor - George W. Bush - for everything. In conjunction with that, Dubya didn't appear at the Republican National Convention. It's as if Republicans want to pretend that those 8 years he was in office never happened. Believe me - I want to pretend that George W. Bush was never president either; however - he was. We can't just overlook the 8 years he was in the Oval Office and suggest that his decisions between 2001-2009 hasn't had any effect on us between the years of 2009-2012. When Bush left office in January of 2009, we were losing between 700,000 and 800,000 jobs a month. As we added close to 100,000 jobs in August of 2012 - marking the 23rd consecutive month in which we've seen such growth, are we to blame Obama for the lost jobs before he was president and praise Bush for the added jobs after Obama stepped into office? Republicans ...

Former President George W. Bush was in office for eight full years (very long ones at that) and as I’m sure is the case for many others, I haven’t heard much about Dubya since Barack Obama was elected president. I think the ex-president could use some advice on what he should do with himself now that he’s out of the Oval Office (thank God!). 10. Professional pretzel taste-tester. 9. Philosopher with the newfound theory, "You're either with me or against me!" 8. A cast member on Survivor , finding a way to rig the vote so that he's not voted off the island. 7. Follow in O.J.'s footsteps in his lifelong quest of finding the killer and make it his lifelong quest to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. 6. Horse trainer (with possible promotion to head of FEMA) 5. Owner of the Houston Astros, trading away pitchers: Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt, Andy Pettitte and Brad Lidge for some top-of-the-line (pun intended) coke. 4. Author the book, A Dummy's Gui...

Here are, in my opinion, the top 100 George W. Bush quotes (Bushisms) and underneath them in italics will be a smart aleck remark responding to each quote. Keep in mind, these are responses to the quote, so if the president says "you" in his quote, like he's talking to me and others, I may respond with "you" in my comment as well. This "you" is not directed toward the reader, just to the former president. So, don't take anything I say personally, unless you're Mr. Bush, then I can completely understand. 100. "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses." - At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times , Jan. 14, 2000 - With saying that, it sounds like the president has had his share of "mential" losses. 99. "Bill wrote a book at Yale. I read one." - George W. Bush, on William F. Buckley, Al Smith Dinner, New York City, Oct. 19...