The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Let's be honest; critics have consistently, historically been all over the place with Muse. Some have long branded them as Spinal Tap come to life; others have claimed they're one of the best bands of this generation, if not the very best; and of course, there are many who have placed themselves between these extremes. Why has there been so much disagreement? Because while every critic has the right to voice his or her opinion, that's all they are - opinions. Musical taste is subjective. One person may love Metallica; the next individual may have a thing for Kenny G; and yet another may have a fantasy of Metallica collaborating with Kenny G. That doesn't make any of the three right or wrong (although I am now kind of curious to hear this hypothetical collaboration). Once again, they're just expressing their own personal viewpoints. Given that, why is it that some have the seeming need for a critic to see eye-to-eye with their opinion on a song or album...

As of this writing, there have been five released reviews of Will of the People , and while the scores have been solid (an average of 8/10), the reviews themselves have come across as lazier than a hungover teenager attempting to replicate a comatose sloth in slow-motion. Vague, even contradictory song descriptions; typos galore (Linkin Pak, anyone – not from Boston?); band stereotypes – Matt, in particular; incorrect release dates; etc. – one has to wonder how much they’re getting paid to write this crap. If you’ve refused to subject yourself to the critics’ useless, yet somehow abbreviated blather, first off, congratulations – you’re likely better informed on the coming album than those of us who’ve read the aforementioned drivel; and secondly, I thought I’d provide you my attempt at a satirized rendition of the awful reviews. Muse’s “Well of the People” Review As the album’s title should suggest, the people of the band known as Muse are well and good. “Well of the Peop...

The third and (thankfully) final installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey  series, Fifty Shades Freed , is out. To this point, critics have felt about the same about the three films as they have about the books on which they're based. Fifty Shades Freed  currently has an 11% approval rating on RottenTomatoes.com . Here are some of my favorite review headlines: - "There are unintentional laughs in the plodding, clunky story, but the biggest laugh is the one this series has had on the audience for three movies." - Adam Graham ( Detroit News ) - "If Christian Grey was ugly and worked at McDonald's he'd be either arrested or on an FBI watchlist." - Robert Kojder ( Flickering Myth ) - "I'm not certain if Fifty Shades Freed is marginally better than its predecessors, or if I've just grown accustomed to the awfulness of the franchise." - Christopher Lawrence ( Las Vegas Review-Journal ) - "Lazy, vapid, unsexy, mind-numbing and poor...

Due to the numerous tweets I posted yesterday on the trending hashtag #TrumpSuperpowers, my Twitter account was quite abuzz (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki). This was especially the case with regard to the following tweet: "Bashing gay marriage & immigrants after being married three times, twice to immigrants, all while keeping a straight face #TrumpSuperpowers" While I received hundreds of "likes" and "retweets" in response to this tweet, I also received a handful of negative comments, such as these: - "yur a special level of stupid, arent u? (expletive expletive expletive)" - "There's a huge difference between legal and illegal immigrants, or are you to stupid to know that?" - "Did you forget to use the word 'illegal'?" - "Hey, sh*t fer brains, it's illegal immigrants!" - "At least this man has convictions and is trying to do something!" I didn't bicker with the...

I think it'd be nice if music reviewers were designated with material they either enjoyed or were at least curious about and didn't despise. With increasing frequency it seems, I'm reading album and concert reviews from critics whom obviously despise the band and/or genre they're working with, and the final result comes across like a Fox News segment on President Obama. Once in a while, the authors despise the music or concert experience so much, it makes for a somewhat humorous review. However, even a blind person can see the critic's biases, that he or she likely had a migraine from the first to final track of the album or concert, and it'd probably be in everyone's best interests (including the bands themselves) if they didn't have to write the review in the first place. That's all. This is probably the shortest blog I've ever written, yet I still felt the need to write it for whatever reason. Go me!

I just read an article entitled, "If You Don't Like Criticism, Don't Put Your Stuff Online" by Jody Thompson, and felt the need to respond. No, I'm not really going to go the ironic route and criticize her column about being prepared to take criticism when posting stuff online, but felt the need to elaborate a bit on what she wrote. First off, nobody likes criticism. When asking a group of people what they enjoy (more than anything), you're never going to hear these people say this: Chuck Denardo: "I enjoy rafting in baby-pools." Lucy Pickens: "I like disco dancing on the interstate by myself." Frank Buckets: "Every now and again, I can't help but like to skinny-dip in puddles after a big storm." Sophia Ruiz: "There's nothing I like more than being criticized." Sorry, not going to happen... Granted, criticism kind of comes with the territory of, well, being alive. If one is working, one leaves thems...

The musical life of a shock rocker can be typically summed up as an act that garners great short-term attention and success due to the controversy and with that, the intrigue that surrounds them, however, after this shock value loses its luster, the band quickly becomes a thing of the past. Fair or not, shock rockers then typically have a difficult time transitioning from shock rock musician to musician and being seen and critiqued on their musical talent rather than their on-stage persona. This may have never been more the case than with Marilyn Manson. With MTV still playing music videos and the Internet not being too far along yet, when Marilyn Manson came out with the 1996 album Antichrist Svperstar , he ultimately crowned himself as the new king of shock rock. This continued through the band's 1998 album Mechanical Animals , when the band shifted from industrial metal to space rock. After the tragic Columbine shootings in April of '99, though, Manson was largely (and wro...

I've seen a movie trailer over the past couple days which has perplexed me and made me a little queasy. Surprisingly, it's a film about Apple CEO Steve Jobs, entitled jOBS . Why have I been so puzzled and nauseated when seeing the preview for this very film? The man playing the part of Steve Jobs is none other than Two and a Half Men 's own Ashton Kutcher. This is the 21st film Kutcher has been a part of, and based on the reviews thus far for his most recent picture, Kutcher's best showing among critics were the films No Strings Attached and Open Season (animated), which were approved by 48% of them. That's right - through 21 films (thus far, as not all of the reviews have come in for jOBS ), an Ashton Kutcher movie has yet to finish at or above 50% approval from film critics. Over half his films (12 of 21) were approved by 25% or less of critics. Why in the world was Ashton Kutcher selected for the role of Steve Jobs? It befuddles me beyond all belief. Sure, th...

Another film and another stinker for Adam Sandler. While I'm not a religious person, I will pray tonight that this film flops at the box office and it's the beginning of the end of Sandler's film career. Sandler's starred in five non-animated movies since 2010 in which he was the lead star. They are: Grown Ups Just Go With It Jack and Jill That's My Boy Grown Ups 2 Via RottenTomatoes.com , these five films have a combined approval from critics of 55% (11.0% average). Grown Ups garnered 10% approval (an average score of 3.3/10), with this general review: "Grown Ups' cast of comedy vets is amiable, but they're let down by flat direction, and the scattershot, lowbrow humor of a stunted script." Unfortunately, the film generated $162.0 million Just Go With It had an approval of 19% (average score of 3.7/10), with the following review: "Just Go With It may be slightly better than some entries in the recently dire rom-com ...

Olympic swimmer and gold medalist Ryan Lochte apparently has a new reality show called What Would Ryan Lochte Do? My first thought upon reading the title of the show is, "I don't know and don't really care." Granted, I've never been one to like reality television. I'm a writer and I find "reality" television to be the laziest writing one could possibly come up with. Here's what I envision such writers say upon deciding how to go about their show: Chuck Tweedledee: "So, what should we do?" Boris Tweedledum: "Let's just put a camera somewhere and see what happens, you know?" Tweedledee: "Like, in real life, kind of?" Tweedledum: "Yeah, man..." Tweedledee: "So, no writing is necessary?" Tweedledum: "Not really" Tweedledee: "Far out! Let's smoke some more weed!" While reality television by itself is an often times grueling and painful experience for me to...

For the second time in the past week, I read a Muse concert review which lauded the band's musical performance and light show, yet showed disappointment in the band's stage set-up. In both these reviews, the critics claimed that this tour's stage set-up lacked in comparison to the band's 2009-2011 Resistance Tour, in honor of their 2009 album The Resistance . While I'd agree that the stage set-up for that tour was visually impressive at times, it was limiting, and the overall spectacle of the shows on that tour, while still great, were inferior to those on this - the 2nd Law Tour. During the Resistance Tour, the three band members were situated in the middle of giant skyscrapers for the first couple songs or so, before being lowered to the stage. This was visually striking, especially at first, however, it limited the mobility of the band members, and while drummer Dominic Howard and bassist Chris Wolstenholme don't move around a great deal, singer and guita...

I often times don't understand concert reviews. I prefer to read film reviews, because most of the time, a general layout will be provided, so I can decide whether or not I should pay money to see the film. I'll then look at the critics' overall grade to perhaps place the final push on whether I should see the film in the theater, wait until it arrives on video, or bypass it all together. Most of the time, though, film reviews are productive to an extent, because they give the reader at least a decent outline of the film, so they can decide on their own whether or not to see it. With concert reviews, it's often times a different story. Music seems to be more polarizing than film. I've heard of fights erupting when people argue who's better - the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. If a certain artist's name gets mentioned, one person may moan before fainting, while another will see steam emanate from their scalp and they'll scream with more fury than I imagin...

I'm as much a lover of the arts as just about anybody. I enjoy anything from music to cinema to theatre to literature to painting to comedy (yes, I'd consider this an art, unless you're Dane Cook and then I'd consider it a migraine-in-the-making) and beyond. Like anybody, I have my likes and dislikes in the arts. I'm a big fan of Salvador Dali's painting, of Alfred Hitchcock's film-directing, of Kurt Vonnegut's writing, of George Carlin's comedy, while I'm not so fond of Adam Sandler's acting (and humor), Limp Bizkit and Nickelback's music, Larry the Cable Guy's comedy and Nicholas Sparks' writing. These aren't so much facts as they are my opinions. I may be able to make valid arguments in certain cases to better prove my opinions and more so than the opposing side of the debate. However, grading the arts isn't as black and white as is mathematics. While most critics believe Casablanca to be one of the best films in the ...

So I just watched the Will Ferrell film "Casa de mi Padre" last night. The reviews for the film were very mixed, as 44% of critics scored it positively, meanwhile 56% did not (courtesy of RottenTomatoes.com). When I looked for layperson reactions on IMDb.com, most seemed to feel the film was atrocious. I don't know if it was because I was especially tired and in an extra silly mood or what exactly, but I thought the film was pretty funny - especially the last half hour. I'm wondering if a lot of laypeople aren't getting the joke. The film appears to be a parody of telenovelas or as Americans call them - Spanish soap operas. From the over-dramatic music to the over-dramatic facial expressions to the over-dramatic zoom-ins to the over-dramatic acting, I can't see the film as anything else but a parody of telenovelas and keeping that in mind while viewing the film, I thought it was quite entertaining. I can understand if a person views the film not understandin...

Everyone’s Worst Critic I don’t appreciate that language, Don’t appreciate that tone, As I utter numerous profanities, As I scream and yell, You must be more loyal, Must be more honest, As I exit the hotel with my mistress, Having told my wife I was out of town, You shouldn’t smoke or drink, Addiction is for the weak, Smoking my second pack of the day, Two weeks removed from AA, Gossip shows a lack of maturity, It shows a lack of respect, Did you hear about what’s his name? How can he live with himself? Constantly critical of others, With no hesitation present, Holding back no remorse, Being just as guilty as the rest of them.

I'm a regular watcher of Comedy Central's late-night fake news shows, "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report". Last night, "The Colbert Report" aired a one-hour special that was filled by Radiohead for most of its duration, where the band played several songs, mainly from their latest album, "The King of Limbs". I've enjoyed some of Radiohead's songs, but have never felt the need nor desire to run out and buy their albums. I find them to be unique, influential and I have the utmost respect for what they've brought to the world of music. I am big into Muse and while I'll be the first to admit that Radiohead was one of many influences on the band, I'm hard-pressed to understand how some can lay claim that they are copycats of the Thom Yorke-lead band. Some like to claim that due to their great ranges, Muse lead singer Matt Bellamy has been attempting to mimic Yorke's. After listening to the songs last night, whil...