The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Cosmo knows how to give sex advice like yes-men know how to say no (on pages 172-174 in The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue ... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes) I have a hunch many whom failed out of college trying to become shrinks wound up writing for Cosmopolitan magazine. Whenever a woman tells me about some advice she read in Cosmo, roughly 88.9% of the time I shake my head, cringe, and say, "Somebody's going to wind up in a hospital." Here are a few such examples provided by the lovely world of Cosmo: Advice: "Give his wiener an Indian burn." (182) Yes, next to rug burns and fire burns, Indian burns are men's favorite kind of burns on their wieners. On the made-up adult version of Family Feud, when guys were asked the question, "What can a woman do with your penis that turns you on the most?" these were the top answers: 5. Look at it with a pair of horny eyes 4. Stroke it the way Clarence Carte...

So, I got into an interesting discussion earlier today about an article in Cosmopolitan magazine, which advised women not to refer to a man's nether-region as "cute" or "adorable." Due the film How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days  as well as common sense (from a man's vantage point), I thought this was common knowledge, but I guess that's not exactly the case. So, I was told I should write a blog where I advise women on what not to say when around their male love interest(s). Here we go... 1. Don't call "it" "cute" or "adorable" - For quite possibly the first time in my life, I actually agree with some advice given in Cosmopolitan magazine. I'm sorry to say this, but a man's "junk" makes up approximately 39.7% of his entire ego (that may be an underestimate). Men also tend to link the words "cute" and "adorable" with "small" and "baby-like." When we see a friend or fam...

I have a hunch many whom failed out of college trying to become shrinks wound up writing for Cosmopolitan  magazine. Whenever a woman tells me about some advice she read in Cosmo , roughly 88.9% of the time I shake my head, cringe, and say, "Somebody's going to wind up in a hospital." Here are a few such examples provided by the lovely world of Cosmo : Advice: "Give his wiener an Indian burn." Yes, next to rug burns and fire burns, Indian burns are men's favorite kind of burns on their wieners. On the made-up adult version of  Family Feud , when guys were asked the question, "What can a woman do with your penis that turns you on the most?," these were the top answers: 5. Look at it with a pair of horny eyes 4. Stroke it the way Clarence Carter was singing about 3. Suck it like women from the porno  Blown Away 2. Ride it like Heath Ledger on a horse in  Brokeback Mountain 1. An Indian burn Advice: "Yank his crotch hair....