Skip to main content

An excerpt from my book, "LOL at the GOP: Vol. 4" (The GOP's new Ten Commandments)

The GOP’s new Ten Commandments (on pages 72-74 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 4 - Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes)
With the Republican Party, led by Tea Partiers, getting more and more extreme and seeming to be increasingly clueless on the messages of the Bible, yet pulling scriptures out of their backsides anyway, I think it's about time the party comes up with a new list of Commandments which better suits their beliefs and agenda.

The actual Ten Commandments are as follows:

1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

2. "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image."

3. "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain."

4. "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."

5. "Honour thy father and thy mother."

6. "Thou shalt not kill."

7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

8. "Thou shalt not steal."

9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."

10. "Thou shalt not covet."(58)

Now here is the updated GOP-version of the Ten Commandments:

1. "Thou shalt not kill the innocent, unless they're on death row."

2. "Thou shalt not be gay, except for in college every now and again."

3. "Honour thy gun, fetus, and corporation."

4. "Thou shalt not believe research unless the study was conducted by Jesus."

5. "Remember to wear a condom only if it's a one-night stand and her name is Cinnamon."

6. "Thou shalt not commit adultery unless she's in Argentina."

7. "Thou shalt not steal, except for land from the Natives."

8. "Thou shalt not let the rich starve."

9. "Thou shalt not judge straight white men."

10. "Thou shalt not go a day without trying to defeat the ultimate evil of this world - Obamacare."

(58) Thou shalt stop using the words “thou shalt” in everyday conversation.

(LOL at the GOP: Volume 4 - Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-4-guns-jesus-corporations-and-fetuses/paperback/product-21580004.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/Lol-Gop-Volume-Corporations-Fetuses/dp/1312083344/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1402336939&sr=8-6&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Face guarding is legal in college football and the NFL

I just wanted to remind fans and announcers especially, that face guarding is legal in both college football and the NFL. It all comes down to contact. So long as a defender doesn't make contact with an intended receiver, he doesn't have to turn around to play the ball. I can't tell you how many times every week I hear announcers talk about face guarding being a penalty. It's not. I even heard one announcer yesterday state, "If the defender doesn't turn around and play the ball, the ref will call pass interference every time." That's simply not true. Courtesy of referee Bill LeMonnier, he says this with regard to the rule at the college level (answered on 8/12/13): "NCAA rules on pass interference require the face guarding to have contact to be a foul. No contact, no foul by NCAA rules." In the NFL rule book, this is written:  "Actions that constitute defensive pass interference include but are not limited to: (a) Contact by a ...
2 comments
Read more

A closer look at the Scramble With Friends power-ups

I am unashamed to admit that I'm a nerd. My idea of a good time is playing a word game like Boggle or Scrabble. Thankfully, I (and many others) can play such games via Facebook and/or my (our) cell phone(s). While it seems that cheating has become more commonplace in these games (Words With Friends in particular) than San Diego has had nice weather, I've yet to give in to that craze. One element present with the game Scramble With Friends (Boggle) not present in Words With Friends (Scrabble) are legal boosts called "power-ups," which cost a number of tokens from the 15 available. I've now tried all five power-ups, including the latest one which costs money. So, in case anyone's curious about playing the game or giving these power-ups a gander, here's a rundown of them all: Freeze - I think this is probably my favorite of all the power-ups. With the freeze, time stands still for a matter of seconds, which allows you more time to find words and improve...
Post a Comment
Read more