Gotcha and Limperdick Square Off (an allegory of the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case)

So, I haven't truly written about how I feel regarding the ruling of the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case. I also don't feel the need to rehash the same points we've heard the two sides of the argument make time and time again, so I will attempt to make a point in another manner - through satire.

Setting: Prosecutor Peter Gotcha questioning the defendant Jorge Limperdick

Gotcha: "So, when and where did all of this happen?"

Limperdick: "Just outside of the university right after Avion's public speaking class."

Gotcha: "Do you go to school at that university?"

Limperdick: "I used to, but not anymore."

Gotcha: "So, why were you there?"

Limperdick: "To make sure everything was in order and there wasn't anything fishy going on."

Gotcha: "Are you employed as a cop at the school?"

Limperdick: "Not exactly, but..."

Gotcha: "You answered the question. Let me get to the next one. So why on earth did you feel it was your responsibility to watch out for everyone there?"

Limperdick: "That's just who I am. That's how the people there know me. I'm the watcher, the protector - I keep people safe."

Gotcha: "But you're not a cop?"

Limperdick: "No"

Gotcha: "Interesting... Alright, so let's go back to Avion for a second here. How well did you know her? I have to imagine pretty well, since you knew she was just leaving her public speaking class that afternoon..."

Limperdick: "Uh... Well, we were in love, but she stopped calling, because she just wasn't ready for that kind of thing."

Gotcha: "When was the last time she had spoken to you?"

Limperdick: "Just a few months"

Gotcha: "Was there talk of a restraining-order?"

Limperdick: "She may have mentioned it a few times, but never actually went through with it, because she was so in love with me."

Gotcha: "I'm sure. So, you hadn't spoken to her for a few months, yet knew of her class schedule - is that correct?"

Limperdick: "Well, uh, yeah..."

Gotcha: "Did you stalk her?"

Limperdick: "Stalk is kind of a strong word."

Gotcha: "Did you follow her?"

Limperdick: "Only on weekdays"

Gotcha: "Okay, so then what happened?"

Limperdick: "Well, I saw her walking with some friends at first. Then a couple guys were getting really close to her. After they all went their separate ways, I could see what was going on. She was wearing this really short skirt and it just struck me that she was a prostitute."

Gotcha: "A prostitute?"

Limperdick: "Yeah... So, after she started walking by herself back to her place, I felt it was my duty as a member of the campus police..."

Gotcha: "But you're not a member..."

Limperdick: "Right, anyway - I felt it was my duty as an American to make sure she wasn't taking her services to anybody else. So, I started to follow her."

Gotcha: "Did you call anyone before deciding to do this?"

Limperdick: "Yeah, the cops"

Gotcha: "The real cops?"

Limperdick: "Yeah"

Gotcha: "Okay, so what did they tell you?"

Limperdick: "They told me not to follow her - that she never loved me, to get over it, and other nonsense like that."

Gotcha: "But you followed her anyway..."

Limperdick: "Yeah"

Gotcha: "Alright, so what happened after you caught up to her?"

Limperdick: "I grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her around and said, 'Look - you can't be out there whoring yourself around like this! This is a good, clean, safe area and we don't need sluts like you messing up what we have here!"

Gotcha: "How did she react?"

Limperdick: "She kicked me in the balls."

Gotcha: "...and then what?"

Limperdick: "Having my whole life flash before my eyes at that moment and being scared I may never live to see another day, I said, 'You bit*h' and shot her."

Gotcha: "What had she been doing after she kicked you in the nether-region?"

Limperdick: "She was running away."

Gotcha: "So, you felt threatened that she may kill you by running away from you?"

Limperdick: "Yeah"

Gotcha: "Alright, so let's look at this story in its entirety for a moment here. You stalked a woman you claim was looking like a prostitute, after being told not to by the police - the real ones. She defended herself, after you grabbed her by the shoulder and yelled at her, by kicking you in the man berries, started running away from you, and you shot and killed Ms. Avion Parton out of self-defense as she was running from you? Did I get all of that right?"

Limperdick:  "Yeah, I guess so"

Gotcha: "Oh, one other thing... When you followed Ms. Parton, grabbed her by the shoulder, and yelled at her, was she not using self-defense by kicking you down yonder?"

Limperdick: "I suppose so"

Gotcha: "Would she have needed to do that if you didn't follow her?"

Limperdick: "Probably not"

Gotcha: "So, because you followed Ms. Parton, your self-defense of her self-defense should be enough reason for the jury to acquit you? You know what? Don't even answer that. The prosecution rests, your honor..."