The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Well, as I've been doing every Monday for the past 3 weeks or so, I thought I'd briefly update regular readers on my coming books. I don't have too much new to say, since I posted an update this past Friday. While my two books have yet to be proofread by another set of attentive eyes and I'm awaiting for that to happen before finalizing matters, I will begin researching and footnoting two more rough drafts I've completed. Hopefully all four books will be available for purchase by May. If I really push myself, perhaps I could sneak them all in before that month, but I'll try not to push myself too close to the brink of insanity. Hopefully two of the four books will be proofread before next Monday and I'll be able to receive my proof copies of them sometime next week. In any case, I'll be sure to post another update next Monday, or before then, if something major happens. Stay tuned...

"This is Will Ferrell, coming to you live from Compton, California, with the premiere of the brand-new game show, 'Guess Who?' In this game, we will try to get to know presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Barack Obama a little better. For this episode, we asked both of them a series of questions and the three contestants will have to guess which candidate provided us with these very answers. The questions will range from something political to something personal. The two candidates' voices will be masked with a program which makes them both sound like the one, the only Bobcat Goldthwait. Whomever comes up with the most correct answers will win our grand prize - a week's worth of free wings at Hooters. Now, let's meet our contestants. She's single. She's from Compton. Here she is - Melissa! You look familiar, Melissa. Do you happen to work at Hooters?" Melissa: "For going on 10 years strong!" Ferrell: "Your folks must be very p...

On the front of my '80s-rocker costume (I simply called it - Craig on a Saturday night, because let's be honest - that's how I always dress on Saturdays) was a sign I created which said, "Hey baby, wanna be my groupie?" and on the back, I created a top ten list of groupie disqualifiers. Here they are: My Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers 10) You've slept with one of the following people: Gene Simmons, Wilt Chamberlain, Mister Rogers or The Pope. 9) After sleeping with you, 94% of guys immediately look at you, begin to cry and then say, "I think I might be gay." 8) You think Kama (comma) Sutra is a kind of punctuation used in India.  7) You've been cordially greeted by multiple sumo wrestlers, as they feel you're one of them. 6) Debbie Downer is forced to take Prozac before, during and after speaking to you.  5) You have what is known as golf-enthusiast's Tourette's syndrome in the bedroom, as just before forn...

I just received my first book review on my recently published political satire, LOL at the GOP . The reviewer gave it 5 out of 5 stars and said the following: "This is a very funny book, if you’re a Democrat. The author uses a comical, intelligent, and often times, sarcastic way of looking at the strategies and antics of the GOP. I really did laugh out loud, which is much better than my usual rants and rages. You’ve got to laugh or you’ll cry and quite possibly go mad. And most importantly, you have got to vote in November. Please!" http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop/paperback/product-20176881.html

There are two issues which have dominated the hard-core Christian right's thoughts in recent years - abortion and homosexuality. This has played a very large role in their refusing to vote for Democratic candidates and instead opting to support the pro-life, anti-gay marriage Republican candidates. The two phrases which have been repeated by them more than "Go team!" by a group of high school cheerleaders suffering from a combination Alzheimer's and Tourette's Syndrome are "They're baby-killers" and "homosexuality is an abomination!" Yeah, because if a person is pro-choice and supports a woman's right to choose what she does with her body post-pregnancy, then obviously this person supports the killing of babies. It's just like if they support people's right to eat what they please (within reason, that is...), they're obviously animal-killers. The reason many of them seem so insistent homosexuality being an abomination is ...

There's a war on women being waged in this country by the Republican Party, so say the Democrats anyway. Republicans tend to disagree. So, where's the evidence to support such a claim? Oh, let's see here... Congressional Republicans have proposed bills that would do the following: Re-define rape, require "invasive" vaginal ultrasounds before abortions, cut off Planned-Parenthood funding, make it legal for any employer to deny reproductive health coverage to women on moral grounds, restrict health services to low-income women, etc. In 2011, the Center For Reproductive Rights "monitored over 600 anti-choice bills that would undermine women's autonomy and fundamental rights to health and well-being" at the state level. The report went on to state, "The Center is hard-pressed to cite a time in the last twenty years that can rival -- in volume and in severity -- this most recent period of anti-woman, anti-child, and anti-health legislative actio...

How I love political chain e-mails. You know, the e-mails that are sent to you and 25-50 others from an uncle of yours named Bucky, which portrays a wild conspiracy of a politician being a martian from Neptune as being factual. I especially love such e-mails when they center around Barack Obama. All I can say is thank the Internet gods for Snopes.com. Snopes fact-checks these very e-mails and allows people such as myself to check on the e-mail's validity and report back to the sender of the e-mail and all its recipients. No, I haven't made too many friends doing this, but I just hope I've been able to positively influence at least one person to fact-check these darn things before sending it to half of the country and Neptune. Of course, I have run into a couple occasions where the sender of the chain e-mail has, upon receiving my fact-checking response, told me that Snopes is liberally-biased. Yeah, that again. I swear, if the source doesn't include Fox News, Rush Limba...

ABR - Anybody But Romney No, I'm not speaking from the perspective of a liberal democrat not wanting the favorite in the republican primary race (or any republican for that matter) to win the 2012 presidential election. No, I'm speaking from the perspective of a very conservative republican not wanting Romney to be the party's nominee. People can deny it all they'd like, but throughout most of the republican primary, there seemed to always be an anti-Romney candidate coming out of nowhere to challenge the favorite to represent the party in the coming election. Why? Far-right conservatives don't much care for Willard Mittopia Romney. He's a Mormon. He passed something resembling Obamacare while Governor of Massachusetts (his plan actually provided the blueprint for Obamacare). He has tended to be fairly moderate on social issues (until he ran for president that is). Yeah, to the far-right, he's about as liberal as they come, well, outside of any democra...

It can be quite the task trying to engage in political dialogue with a hard-core evangelical conservative Republican and attempt to get them to at least see your more moderate or liberal viewpoint and perhaps even alter their mind ever so slightly on one topic or another. In fact, I believe I've had more success attempting to fly off roofs using only my arms to aid me from plummeting to the ground. My doctors may disagree with me on that front, however (front, back, sides, etc.). After experiencing such conversations before, having little success and pondering about the perfect scenario of how the practice could be perfected, I've come up with a series of tips on how to win over the mind and heart (figuratively, of course) of a die-hard conservative and welcome them to the dark side (aka liberalism). Please note that these tips are for the most religious and conservative of Republicans. The more moderate, liberal, independent-thinking Republicans are generally reasonable peo...

Rick Santorum "I'm a good gay-fearing, Jesus-loving, well-off, conservative family fan who is fearful of getting off. I oppose sex education. I oppose safe sex. I oppose abortion. It's pretty simple math and logic when you don't think about it. If we teach our children about all of the possible end results of having sex, they'll probably resort to using contraceptives for safe sex. With an increase in contraception-use, there too will be an increase in unwanted pregnancies and with that, abortions. It'd be like in baseball - if a batter hits a ball forward, he's more likely to have just struck out than someone who swung at strike three. I'm Rick Santorum and I approve this message. Unlike safe sex, be safe and vote for me." Mitt Romney "The liberal media wants you to believe I don't know what I want. Believe me, I know what I want. I want you to like me. I want you to like me when I'm pro-life and pro-choice, when I'm pro- and ant...

10. "I'll bet if you had a million dollars for every time a guy called you beautiful, you'd be one of the richest people in the world. I'm here to tell you that's possible, because I am one of the richest people in the world and yes, you are beautiful." 9. "Before you ask, yes, I'm married, but I'm Mormon, so it's cool. My wife says hello by the way." 8. "You look familiar to me. Didn't I fire you a while back for touching my hair?" 7. "Wanna get a little wild? I've got protection. I know it's late, but it won't take long. They call me Mitt the Quick." 6. "Some say I act and talk like a robot. They're partially right. In bed, I'm a machine!" 5. "I want to do to you what I plan on doing to this country..." 4. "What do I have to say or do to get you to sleep with me tonight? Just tell me. Whatever you want me to say, I'll say it. I'll be whoever you want me t...

While it's true that most every experienced politician has put so much time into pandering to potential voters they could have earned multiple doctorate's in the practice by now, Mitt Romney has taken the art to an entirely different level. Years from now, "Romneying" will be added to the dictionary, defined as "excessive pandering" or "the god of pandering".  For example, when he spoke in Alabama, Romney had a surprise on hand for his audience - Randy Owen, the lead singer of the band Alabama. What did Romney request Mr. Owen sing? Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama," of course. It'll be interesting to see if this trend continues in other states. I'd like to see him find a singer from a band by the name of Pennsylvania, singing a song with the title similar to "Pennsylvania Is So Beautiful To Me". I wish him the very best with that.  When the Republican candidate spoke in Mississippi, he said, " I...