Fact vs. Fiction: Democrat vs. Republican

Setting: Sunday school (9th-12th grade) at the church of Holy Hell! Jesus Rocks!

Pastor Malarkey: "When this nation was down, Ronald Reagan flew up to the heavens, and spoke with Jesus. He tried convincing our lord and savior to grant him special powers. After the two talked things over for 79 minutes over some strawberry daiquiris and buffalo wings, Jesus granted the president those special powers. These special powers included being able to: Heal the sick, feed the hungry, talk very well, fly, and all sorts of other things. He was even given a magical wand, which could transform into a tank, cap gun or clown to destroy or frighten dragons, especially the ones in Florida. This helped him save this great country and in essence, the world. So you see kids, Ronald Reagan was a lot like Jesus. Please tell your parents to vote Republican next Tuesday. The end."

Jake: "Wow! That's amazing! That really happened?"

Malarkey: "I cross my heart."

George: "Are you sure? You said Ronald Reagan flew to the heavens and after talking with Jesus, was then able to fly. How could he have flown there in the first place if Jesus hadn't granted him that power yet?"

Jake: "Shut up, George! You don't know what you're talking about! Right, Mr. Malarkey?"

Malarkey: "George brings up a good point. He's wrong, but it was a good point."

Jake: "You see, George?"

George: "See what? Did either of you ever see Ronald Reagan fly or kill dragons?"

Jake: "Doesn't matter. Mr. Malarkey told us, so it has to be true!"

Malarkey: "Jake's right, George. You have to have a little bit of faith."

George: "Faith that a man could fly to heaven before having the ability to fly and then killing dragons with a magical wand?"

Malarkey: "Precisely."

George: "Well, I just googled 'Ronald Reagan dragons' and every site says it's not true. Even Factcheck.org says it's a bunch of...a bunch of..."

Malarkey: "A bunch of what, George?"

George: "Nevermind. In any case, every site says it's not true."

Malarkey: "Should that matter? Does God say it's not true?"

George: "I don't know."

Malarkey: "Exactly, but I do. I am a messenger of God, so whatever I tell you is what God would believe and want me to tell you."

George: "God told you that Ronald Reagan turned a magic wand into a tank and killed dragons?"

Malarkey: "Not exactly. God told me this story in a dream and said Ronald Reagan accidentally turned the magic wand into a clown at first, frightened himself, but was able to recover quickly enough to transform it into a tank to destroy the evil beasts in Florida."

George: "You got this from a dream? How can you say it came from God then?"

Malarkey: "I just know."

George: "What was your dream last night?"

Malarkey: "That I swam across the Atlantic Ocean during a hurricane and made it safely to land."

George: "So, that was a message from God too?"

Malarkey: "Of course."

George: "So, you actually swam across the ocean during a hurricane?"

Malarkey: "Um... Not yet, but I obviously will someday."

George: "So how do you know Ronald Reagan flew to heaven based on a dream? What if the dream was just telling you he was supposed to fly to heaven one day, but like you've yet to swim the Atlantic Ocean and probably never will, he never found it in him to fly to heaven?"

Malarkey: "George, I've had about enough of you!"

Jake: "George, just give it up already! You're not going to win! You're fighting with a voice of God. You either go with Mr. Malarkey or go to hell. It's your choice."

Malarkey: "Easy does it, Jake."

::George starts walking away::

Malarkey: "George, where are you going?"

George: "I'm going to go home and talk to myself for a while. That would be a lot less crazy than listening to you talk anymore."

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

Face guarding is legal in college football and the NFL

I just wanted to remind fans and announcers especially, that face guarding is legal in both college football and the NFL. It all comes down to contact. So long as a defender doesn't make contact with an intended receiver, he doesn't have to turn around to play the ball. I can't tell you how many times every week I hear announcers talk about face guarding being a penalty. It's not. I even heard one announcer yesterday state, "If the defender doesn't turn around and play the ball, the ref will call pass interference every time." That's simply not true. Courtesy of referee Bill LeMonnier, he says this with regard to the rule at the college level (answered on 8/12/13): "NCAA rules on pass interference require the face guarding to have contact to be a foul. No contact, no foul by NCAA rules." In the NFL rule book, this is written: "Actions that constitute defensive pass interference include but are not limited to: (a) Contact by a ...

A closer look at the Scramble With Friends power-ups

I am unashamed to admit that I'm a nerd. My idea of a good time is playing a word game like Boggle or Scrabble. Thankfully, I (and many others) can play such games via Facebook and/or my (our) cell phone(s). While it seems that cheating has become more commonplace in these games (Words With Friends in particular) than San Diego has had nice weather, I've yet to give in to that craze. One element present with the game Scramble With Friends (Boggle) not present in Words With Friends (Scrabble) are legal boosts called "power-ups," which cost a number of tokens from the 15 available. I've now tried all five power-ups, including the latest one which costs money. So, in case anyone's curious about playing the game or giving these power-ups a gander, here's a rundown of them all: Freeze - I think this is probably my favorite of all the power-ups. With the freeze, time stands still for a matter of seconds, which allows you more time to find words and improve...

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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