I've got a beef with Meat Loaf

The past couple of times I've ventured to a bar, Meat Loaf's hit song "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" has made its appearance known via a jukebox. From the first time I heard that song 19 years ago to this past Friday night, I laugh during the chorus. Why? Because it makes absolutely no sense.

Granted, there are many songs with lyrics that don't make a whole lot of sense unless a person is high on coke, drunk on Everclear, and involved in an orgy at four in the morning following a show in New York City. However, I think why I laugh so hysterically at the before-mentioned song is the fact that it's the chorus - the portion of the song that gets repeated more than "I love Jesus" by Rick Santorum at church on Sundays - that doesn't make a bit of sense.

Time and time again, Meat Loaf sings, "I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."

I don't care what this thing is that he won't do. Whether it's falling asleep on the Autobahn in Germany or going down on Gene Simmons, is really of no relevance. It's still not going to make any sense.

According to the dictionary, "anything" means "any thing whatever; something, no matter what."

If one were to look at the thesaurus, the following synonyms would be discovered: all, anything at all, and everything.

When Meat Loaf says he would do anything for love, then that's it. There can be no buts. If he wanted to maintain that element of there being an exception to the rule of doing anything for love, he could have worded it as follows: "I would do almost anything for love. However, I've got to be honest - I'm not going to do that." No, it may not be as catchy and may need some condensing in order for it to work musically, however it makes a hell of a lot more sense than the actual lyrics.

The chorus is contradictory. What Meat Loaf is essentially saying is, "I would do anything and everything for love, but I won't do anything and everything."

If Meat Loaf's actual lyrics were the words from a romantic comedy satire, then it could work. Like I said, I can't help but laugh any time I hear the chorus. I don't believe that was the artist's intention when writing the song, but that's just a hunch.

It's just comical. Never will the following dialogue present itself in a romance film:

Man: "I just want you to know, I would do anything and I mean anything for you and your love."

Woman: "Really? Do you really mean that? Anything?"

Man: "Absolutely anything, sweetie. I love you more than anything. Of course I would do anything and everything for your love."

Woman: "That's so sweet! I love you too! So, you'd even skydive without a parachute?"

Man: "I'd rather not, but yes. Like I said - anything."

Woman: "You'd run around a nursing home completely naked?"

Man: "You're funny, but yes, I would. Like I said - anything, sweetheart. I love you!"

Woman: "I love you too! Marry me!"

Man: "...but I won't do that."

Yeah, after hearing these lyrics, I would do anything to send Meat Loaf back to school to earn an English degree, and yes - I would do that, otherwise I wouldn't be doing "anything" now, would I?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anything?s=t

http://thesaurus.com/browse/anything?s=t