After his team got walloped 56-0 in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, head coach Ted Cruz surprised everyone when he made the following announcement:
"After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if my team makes the Super Bowl, our starting quarterback is going to be Tim Tebow. One of the most important decisions a football coach can make is who he picks as his quarterback and I think it's safe to say you can all rest assured Tim Tebow is intelligent, dependable, and most importantly, he's a winner. The guy can run, throw, keep benches warm, and even dunk the oval-shaped balls in basketball rings if that's what he's called to do on 4th down. I know our last game was a rough one, but I want our fans to know we're going to fight every step of the way, no matter what, even when those steps don't actually exist. Thank you and let's continue marching our way to the Super Bowl as God intended!"
Tim Tebow then went up to the mic and began singing, "Throw it short, throw it long, penetration very strong, running fast, running hard, in my hands are big balls, ten foot ring, goalline almost here, dunk it over the waterboy, for a field goal, fate is ours, victory is near, 3-point shot at the buzzer, with a helmet on." No one's sure who wrote the song, but there are reports Cruz and Tebow were seen working on it throughout the week leading up to the NFC Championship game.
"After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if my team makes the Super Bowl, our starting quarterback is going to be Tim Tebow. One of the most important decisions a football coach can make is who he picks as his quarterback and I think it's safe to say you can all rest assured Tim Tebow is intelligent, dependable, and most importantly, he's a winner. The guy can run, throw, keep benches warm, and even dunk the oval-shaped balls in basketball rings if that's what he's called to do on 4th down. I know our last game was a rough one, but I want our fans to know we're going to fight every step of the way, no matter what, even when those steps don't actually exist. Thank you and let's continue marching our way to the Super Bowl as God intended!"
Tim Tebow then went up to the mic and began singing, "Throw it short, throw it long, penetration very strong, running fast, running hard, in my hands are big balls, ten foot ring, goalline almost here, dunk it over the waterboy, for a field goal, fate is ours, victory is near, 3-point shot at the buzzer, with a helmet on." No one's sure who wrote the song, but there are reports Cruz and Tebow were seen working on it throughout the week leading up to the NFC Championship game.
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