We're t-minus 2 hours away from the Super Bowl kickoff. While I'm probably pulling for the Rams over the Patriots simply for the fact they haven't won the big game for a longer duration than Belichick, Brady, and company, what I'm rooting for more than anything else is a good game and funny commercials. Segueing from that, here are the commercials I pray (and I'm an agnostic) won't be aired during the course of the game, as I find them to be the worst/most annoying commercials on television today.
1) Progressive Substitutes Jimmy For Flo: I used to find Progressive commercials to at least be mildly amusing, largely due to the presence of Flo. That all changed when Flo suddenly transformed into Jimmy. Jimmy comes across as that stereotypical nerd from high school who gets invited to a party with the jocks due to helping the quarterback cheat on and pass a history exam. At this party, Jimmy tries too hard to fit in, it shows, and he becomes progressively more aggravating as a result. This is how adult Jimmy comes across in these commercials. In addition to that, his acting is so bad, he's replaced Adam Sandler on the Razzie's Most Watched List.
2) Charmin Bears Lack Charm...and Logic: Really? Animated bears wiping their asses with toilet paper is supposed to be cute? What's next, Tampax will release ads of animated bears eh, nevermind... I mean, seriously, do they expect parents to be at the grocery store with their kids when his/her child points at the Charmin toilet paper and shouts, "Ooh, look! Let's get that! Even bears wipe their butts with it, mommy/daddy! I wanna wipe my butt with it too!"?
3) How Not to Pump a Team Up with Direct TV: "We don't quit...unless it's cable!" the head coach declares before he, along with the team do their best Kiss impression, as they shout it, shout it, shout it out loud. For as much as I love football, this commercial made me think twice before watching it again, as for just a split-second, I thought, "Wow, does watching an actual game make a person lose as many brain cells as watching this short commercial did?" I'm going to say no, but that may be denial talking...
4) Saying Goodbye to GMC Sierras: Seemingly hundreds of people march up a hill to a GMC Sierra holding tailgates as they sing the classic stadium anthem, "Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye." Nothing impresses a person about a truck more than seeing it parked at the top of a hill, not doing anything, as hundreds of people march toward it while singing a rock anthem. Perhaps next time, GMC Sierra will air a commercial where the truck is being hauled off by ship and these same marchers wave while singing the same tune. You're welcome for the idea, GMC. You're welcome.
5) I'd Pay Money to Get Rid of This Free Thing's Advertisements: TurboTax apparently thought it'd be fun and clever to release ads where the only word spoken is "free" and they attempt to break the Guinness World Record for number of times saying said word in a span of 30 seconds. No, that's not annoying at all... Go ahead, just say one word over and over again to your wife or husband and see what their reaction is. "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food." "Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis." Nope, would never get annoying...
6) Byeeee. Byeeee. Byeeee.: Speaking of annoying, the Cricket Wireless commercial where this animated-looking creature continually says "hi-eeee" and "bye-eeee" in a rather high pitch fits that description to a T. Whenever the commercial gets aired, "I say, 'Muuuute'!" and hit that very button on the remote. Trust me, it saves lives, I mean headaches.
So, Super Bowl commercial gods, I beg of you, please don't play any of these before-mentioned ads. Oh, and also, let's have ourselves a great game and funny commercials. Cheers!
1) Progressive Substitutes Jimmy For Flo: I used to find Progressive commercials to at least be mildly amusing, largely due to the presence of Flo. That all changed when Flo suddenly transformed into Jimmy. Jimmy comes across as that stereotypical nerd from high school who gets invited to a party with the jocks due to helping the quarterback cheat on and pass a history exam. At this party, Jimmy tries too hard to fit in, it shows, and he becomes progressively more aggravating as a result. This is how adult Jimmy comes across in these commercials. In addition to that, his acting is so bad, he's replaced Adam Sandler on the Razzie's Most Watched List.
2) Charmin Bears Lack Charm...and Logic: Really? Animated bears wiping their asses with toilet paper is supposed to be cute? What's next, Tampax will release ads of animated bears eh, nevermind... I mean, seriously, do they expect parents to be at the grocery store with their kids when his/her child points at the Charmin toilet paper and shouts, "Ooh, look! Let's get that! Even bears wipe their butts with it, mommy/daddy! I wanna wipe my butt with it too!"?
3) How Not to Pump a Team Up with Direct TV: "We don't quit...unless it's cable!" the head coach declares before he, along with the team do their best Kiss impression, as they shout it, shout it, shout it out loud. For as much as I love football, this commercial made me think twice before watching it again, as for just a split-second, I thought, "Wow, does watching an actual game make a person lose as many brain cells as watching this short commercial did?" I'm going to say no, but that may be denial talking...
4) Saying Goodbye to GMC Sierras: Seemingly hundreds of people march up a hill to a GMC Sierra holding tailgates as they sing the classic stadium anthem, "Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye." Nothing impresses a person about a truck more than seeing it parked at the top of a hill, not doing anything, as hundreds of people march toward it while singing a rock anthem. Perhaps next time, GMC Sierra will air a commercial where the truck is being hauled off by ship and these same marchers wave while singing the same tune. You're welcome for the idea, GMC. You're welcome.
5) I'd Pay Money to Get Rid of This Free Thing's Advertisements: TurboTax apparently thought it'd be fun and clever to release ads where the only word spoken is "free" and they attempt to break the Guinness World Record for number of times saying said word in a span of 30 seconds. No, that's not annoying at all... Go ahead, just say one word over and over again to your wife or husband and see what their reaction is. "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food." "Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis." Nope, would never get annoying...
6) Byeeee. Byeeee. Byeeee.: Speaking of annoying, the Cricket Wireless commercial where this animated-looking creature continually says "hi-eeee" and "bye-eeee" in a rather high pitch fits that description to a T. Whenever the commercial gets aired, "I say, 'Muuuute'!" and hit that very button on the remote. Trust me, it saves lives, I mean headaches.
So, Super Bowl commercial gods, I beg of you, please don't play any of these before-mentioned ads. Oh, and also, let's have ourselves a great game and funny commercials. Cheers!
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