I've had a good week with my Twitter trending-hashtag posts. Here they are, ordered from the most to the least popular (All of my tweets can be viewed here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) A fake president with fake hair and a fake tan who believes and spreads fake news is declaring a fake emergency? Color me fake surprised...
#FakeTrumpEmergency
1,640 Likes, 618 Retweets
2) So I called 9-1-1 to report an emergency at the southern border and am now in jail for making a false report.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
1,278 Likes, 302 Retweets
3) This has inspired me to build a fence for my backyard. After I finished, squirrels and rabbits are still getting back there. What the hell?!? I thought these things were full-proof!
#NotesFromNationalEmergency
483 Likes, 72 Retweets
4) I've told my neighbors, to prevent chaos, they need to pay for my fence. They don't seem to be getting on board with this for some reason. Idiots...
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
283 Likes, 56 Retweets
5) Trump: "Nothing says national emergency like waiting two years, shutting the government down for a record number of days, and telling the world every couple minutes, 'I might declare it; I might not declare it.' Bigliest emergency ever!"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
235 Likes, 101 Retweets
6) Ann Coulter: "Donald Trump is an idiot and so is his stupid base!"
Hmm, well, if you truly feel that way, you should probably refrain from reading this book... ("In Trump We Trust" by Ann Coulter)
#FakeTrumpEmergency
233 Likes, 73 Retweets
7) Dear @realDonaldTrump:
If you want to see a real national emergency, look no further than the Aurora shooting and gun violence in general. Do something about it!
#FakeTrumpEmergency
205 Likes, 80 Retweets
8) 3 am to 11 am: Sleep with Fox News on the TV
11 am-noonish: Tweet from the crapper
Noonish to 3 pm: Big Macs, KFC buckets, golf
3 pm to 4 pm: Tell media members to sit down & shut-up
4 pm to 5 pm: Nap
5 pm to 10 pm: Tweet 'n' eat
10 pm to 3 am: Pray to Putin
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
182 Likes, 62 Retweets
9) The biggest national emergency we have is Donald Trump in the White House, so my suggestion to you, The Donald, is to resign, take Pence with you, and immediately see America become greater than it was.
#FakeTrumpEmergency
167 Likes, 53 Retweets
10) I'm so scared. My whole life is flashing before my eyes. Armageddon is upon us. I never pictured it like this. I'm hiding in my basement, hoping to delay the inevitable. Wait, Trump's golfing? ...and he has illegals working there? WTF?!?
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
153 Likes, 41 Retweets
11) I'm declaring a local emergency because a dog crapped in my yard. I've been driving about the neighborhood speaking through a megaphone, saying, "I didn't have to declare a local emergency but am because it is." I really think they're buying it.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency
#Snark
149 Likes, 19 Retweets
12) 2/15/19 @ 12:01
DT: "I'm declaring a national emergency for a border wall."
2/15/19 @ 12:02
DT: "There really isn't an emergency, but whatever, I wanna get this thing done fast."
Soon: Trump releases the book, "How to Disprove Yourself in 60 Seconds"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
96 Likes, 43 Retweets
13) Trump: "We're gonna build a fake wall with Mexico's fake money and make it a real emergency."
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
98 Likes, 32 Retweets
14) Just doing what everyone apparently does during a national emergency: eat, tweet, spray-tan, watch TV, sleep, golf, and look for a 4th wife on http://GetMeABiglyGreenCard.com .
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
101 Likes, 28 Retweets
15) What should my doctor's write-up be for me this time? I need to make it b-leave-able. Hmm... "He's in great health. I've never seen a grand specimen like him before. He's 6'6'', 220 lbs., all muscle, looks like he's 24, etc." Yeah, that sounds legit.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
103 Likes, 24 Retweets
16) I can see this wall from my house and I live in Ohio! It's so big, so beautiful. Oh, wait, that's just some Legos. God, why did I do these shrooms?
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
110 Likes, 14 Retweets
17) Headline: "Ann Coulter says Donald Trump is trying to 'scam the stupidest people in his base' with a national emergency."
Remove the words "the stupidest people in" and we'd be essentially saying the same thing.
#NationalEmergency
92 Likes, 25 Retweets
18) I just spilled a bag of Lay's. This is a disaster. I'm guessing it's due to the emergency Trump declared. So sad. Lost a lot of good chips out there.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
87 Likes, 11 Retweets
19) I won't get into whether or not #KareemHunt deserves another chance in the NFL. All I'll say is, if a man undergoing 3 violence-related investigations is given a second chance, a guy who silently/peacefully protested without committing any crime deserves one as well.
#Kaepernick
73 Likes, 24 Retweets
20) #Klobuchar: "Rain, shine, or snow, I'm going to come out and fight for the American people!"
Trump: "It's warm but sprinkling? Eh, I think I'm just going to stay in and play with my umbrella. How does this thing work?"
#Snark
61 Likes, 24 Retweets
21) Main criticisms of Amy Klobuchar (thus far):
- "She's too tough of a boss!"
- "She's too nice!"
So, she's too mean but too nice? Interesting...
#Klobuchar
64 Likes, 14 Retweets
22) Ah-ha! I knew there had to be an answer to my rat problem and Donald Trump figured it out! So since 90% of the rats come through the basement, if I put a bunch of mouse-traps up in the attic, that should take care of them all. Got it! Thanks!
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
67 Likes, 9 Retweets
23) Starting diet today: Just 3 hamberders for breakfast
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
62 Likes, 7 Retweets
24) I'm good enough; I'm smart enough; and doggone it, people like me. Stuart Smalley stole that from me, bigly.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
48 Likes, 5 Retweets
25) Ivanka: "Of course President Daddy doesn't give the daughter he has a gross crush on preferential treatment! How on earth could anyone possibly think that?"
#IvankaTrump #Snark
26 Likes, 15 Retweets
26) Dear @realDonaldTrump:
With regard to your complaints about "Saturday Night Live" ("S&L" to some, or at least one), I just have one thing to say to you...
#SaturdayNightLive #FirstAmendment
34 Likes, 5 Retweets
27) Trump: "You can't spell 'emergency' without 'urgent' and there's nothing more urgent than building a big, beautiful, invisible wall, believe me!"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
27 Likes, 9 Retweets
28) 1. Build big, beautiful Lego wall
2. Drop Kleenex into it to prove walls are 100% effective
3. Tell the world I now know for a fact walls are 100% effective
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
32 Likes, 3 Retweets
29) Trump: "I'm gonna build a big beautiful wall over people's mouths made out of duct tape so they can't laugh. My 2020 slogan will be MAFA, or Make America Fun Again."
#SaturdayNightLive #Snark
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
30) Cancel all outdoor activities. It's partly cloudy with a 2% chance of rain.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
31) Vlady's word of the day: covfefe
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
19 Likes, 2 Retweets
32) $130,000 Hush-Money
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
10 Likes, 4 Retweets
32) Boofing Party Tonight
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
11 Likes, 3 Retweets
34) Poem of the Day: Roses are red, violets are blue, Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers, and so are you. No, no, that's not what I thought of earlier. Crap! What was it?!? Whatever it was, it was so beautiful, believe me. Screw it, time to tweet.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
34) Read that picture book again and in record time for me: less than 5 days
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
36) Get Tested For Herpes
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
8 Likes, 0 Retweets
37) The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
38) Made In Chiiina
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 6,318 Likes, 1,887 Retweets (Averages of 166.3 Likes, 49.7 Retweets)
1) A fake president with fake hair and a fake tan who believes and spreads fake news is declaring a fake emergency? Color me fake surprised...
#FakeTrumpEmergency
1,640 Likes, 618 Retweets
2) So I called 9-1-1 to report an emergency at the southern border and am now in jail for making a false report.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
1,278 Likes, 302 Retweets
3) This has inspired me to build a fence for my backyard. After I finished, squirrels and rabbits are still getting back there. What the hell?!? I thought these things were full-proof!
#NotesFromNationalEmergency
483 Likes, 72 Retweets
4) I've told my neighbors, to prevent chaos, they need to pay for my fence. They don't seem to be getting on board with this for some reason. Idiots...
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
283 Likes, 56 Retweets
5) Trump: "Nothing says national emergency like waiting two years, shutting the government down for a record number of days, and telling the world every couple minutes, 'I might declare it; I might not declare it.' Bigliest emergency ever!"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
235 Likes, 101 Retweets
6) Ann Coulter: "Donald Trump is an idiot and so is his stupid base!"
Hmm, well, if you truly feel that way, you should probably refrain from reading this book... ("In Trump We Trust" by Ann Coulter)
#FakeTrumpEmergency
233 Likes, 73 Retweets
7) Dear @realDonaldTrump:
If you want to see a real national emergency, look no further than the Aurora shooting and gun violence in general. Do something about it!
#FakeTrumpEmergency
205 Likes, 80 Retweets
8) 3 am to 11 am: Sleep with Fox News on the TV
11 am-noonish: Tweet from the crapper
Noonish to 3 pm: Big Macs, KFC buckets, golf
3 pm to 4 pm: Tell media members to sit down & shut-up
4 pm to 5 pm: Nap
5 pm to 10 pm: Tweet 'n' eat
10 pm to 3 am: Pray to Putin
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
182 Likes, 62 Retweets
9) The biggest national emergency we have is Donald Trump in the White House, so my suggestion to you, The Donald, is to resign, take Pence with you, and immediately see America become greater than it was.
#FakeTrumpEmergency
167 Likes, 53 Retweets
10) I'm so scared. My whole life is flashing before my eyes. Armageddon is upon us. I never pictured it like this. I'm hiding in my basement, hoping to delay the inevitable. Wait, Trump's golfing? ...and he has illegals working there? WTF?!?
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
153 Likes, 41 Retweets
11) I'm declaring a local emergency because a dog crapped in my yard. I've been driving about the neighborhood speaking through a megaphone, saying, "I didn't have to declare a local emergency but am because it is." I really think they're buying it.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency
#Snark
149 Likes, 19 Retweets
12) 2/15/19 @ 12:01
DT: "I'm declaring a national emergency for a border wall."
2/15/19 @ 12:02
DT: "There really isn't an emergency, but whatever, I wanna get this thing done fast."
Soon: Trump releases the book, "How to Disprove Yourself in 60 Seconds"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
96 Likes, 43 Retweets
13) Trump: "We're gonna build a fake wall with Mexico's fake money and make it a real emergency."
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
98 Likes, 32 Retweets
14) Just doing what everyone apparently does during a national emergency: eat, tweet, spray-tan, watch TV, sleep, golf, and look for a 4th wife on http://GetMeABiglyGreenCard.com .
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
101 Likes, 28 Retweets
15) What should my doctor's write-up be for me this time? I need to make it b-leave-able. Hmm... "He's in great health. I've never seen a grand specimen like him before. He's 6'6'', 220 lbs., all muscle, looks like he's 24, etc." Yeah, that sounds legit.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
103 Likes, 24 Retweets
16) I can see this wall from my house and I live in Ohio! It's so big, so beautiful. Oh, wait, that's just some Legos. God, why did I do these shrooms?
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
110 Likes, 14 Retweets
17) Headline: "Ann Coulter says Donald Trump is trying to 'scam the stupidest people in his base' with a national emergency."
Remove the words "the stupidest people in" and we'd be essentially saying the same thing.
#NationalEmergency
92 Likes, 25 Retweets
18) I just spilled a bag of Lay's. This is a disaster. I'm guessing it's due to the emergency Trump declared. So sad. Lost a lot of good chips out there.
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
87 Likes, 11 Retweets
19) I won't get into whether or not #KareemHunt deserves another chance in the NFL. All I'll say is, if a man undergoing 3 violence-related investigations is given a second chance, a guy who silently/peacefully protested without committing any crime deserves one as well.
#Kaepernick
73 Likes, 24 Retweets
20) #Klobuchar: "Rain, shine, or snow, I'm going to come out and fight for the American people!"
Trump: "It's warm but sprinkling? Eh, I think I'm just going to stay in and play with my umbrella. How does this thing work?"
#Snark
61 Likes, 24 Retweets
21) Main criticisms of Amy Klobuchar (thus far):
- "She's too tough of a boss!"
- "She's too nice!"
So, she's too mean but too nice? Interesting...
#Klobuchar
64 Likes, 14 Retweets
22) Ah-ha! I knew there had to be an answer to my rat problem and Donald Trump figured it out! So since 90% of the rats come through the basement, if I put a bunch of mouse-traps up in the attic, that should take care of them all. Got it! Thanks!
#NotesFromNationalEmergency #Snark
67 Likes, 9 Retweets
23) Starting diet today: Just 3 hamberders for breakfast
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
62 Likes, 7 Retweets
24) I'm good enough; I'm smart enough; and doggone it, people like me. Stuart Smalley stole that from me, bigly.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
48 Likes, 5 Retweets
25) Ivanka: "Of course President Daddy doesn't give the daughter he has a gross crush on preferential treatment! How on earth could anyone possibly think that?"
#IvankaTrump #Snark
26 Likes, 15 Retweets
26) Dear @realDonaldTrump:
With regard to your complaints about "Saturday Night Live" ("S&L" to some, or at least one), I just have one thing to say to you...
#SaturdayNightLive #FirstAmendment
34 Likes, 5 Retweets
27) Trump: "You can't spell 'emergency' without 'urgent' and there's nothing more urgent than building a big, beautiful, invisible wall, believe me!"
#FakeTrumpEmergency #Snark
27 Likes, 9 Retweets
28) 1. Build big, beautiful Lego wall
2. Drop Kleenex into it to prove walls are 100% effective
3. Tell the world I now know for a fact walls are 100% effective
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
32 Likes, 3 Retweets
29) Trump: "I'm gonna build a big beautiful wall over people's mouths made out of duct tape so they can't laugh. My 2020 slogan will be MAFA, or Make America Fun Again."
#SaturdayNightLive #Snark
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
30) Cancel all outdoor activities. It's partly cloudy with a 2% chance of rain.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
31) Vlady's word of the day: covfefe
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
19 Likes, 2 Retweets
32) $130,000 Hush-Money
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
10 Likes, 4 Retweets
32) Boofing Party Tonight
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
11 Likes, 3 Retweets
34) Poem of the Day: Roses are red, violets are blue, Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers, and so are you. No, no, that's not what I thought of earlier. Crap! What was it?!? Whatever it was, it was so beautiful, believe me. Screw it, time to tweet.
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
34) Read that picture book again and in record time for me: less than 5 days
#TrumpsNotesToSelf
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
36) Get Tested For Herpes
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
8 Likes, 0 Retweets
37) The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
38) Made In Chiiina
#UnlikelyCandyHearts
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 6,318 Likes, 1,887 Retweets (Averages of 166.3 Likes, 49.7 Retweets)
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