Just stop it with the "irregardless" debate!

When debating the electoral college vote, Missouri Senator and man voted most likely to sell his children for a tiny handful of votes - Josh Hawley - uttered the "word" "irregardless." After poking fun at him for it on Twitter, I received one passionate dissenting voice. She even went so far as to claim I had the vocabulary of a grade-school kid, because I didn't consider "irregardless" to be a legitimate term.

Yes, most dictionaries state that "irregardless" is a "nonstandard" word and tend to add something along the lines of, "It's not the recommended form of the term, especially in written papers. Also, whenever it is written or spoken by a person, he or she will immediately be viewed as an idiot."

So, yes, a person has every right to use this word/non-word. At the same time, however, I have every right to tease said individual for expressing this word/non-word.

Let's think about this for a second here...

Regardless means "without regard."

"Irregardless" means "not without regard."

"Irregardless" therefore means "with regard."

Why not then just say "with regard?" Because, when people say "irregardless," what they think they're saying is "regardless," even though the two terms are antonymous. It'd be like a person saying they had herpes, when they actually meant to express they were herpes-free. 

The conversation would go a little something like this:

Mike Scratch: "Guess what, honey?"

Melissa Sniff: "You got us tickets to that new movie, 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Christian Rendition'?"

Mike: "No, I have herpes!"

Melissa: "You what?"

Mike: "I went to the doctor; got tested; and I have the herpes!"

Melissa: "Eh, okay, I think I better go."

Mike: "But it's our date night! I'm making White Castle!"

Melissa: "I'm making a trip to the doctor's."

Mike: "Why would you need to do that? I mean, I have herpes. What's there to worry about?"

Melissa: "That! See ya around, Mr. Lotsa-Scratch."

Mike: "Well, that was weird. Did I say something wrong? I thought she'd be happy I was clean. You think you know people..."

So, whenever you're about to say "irregardless" in place of "regardless," just remember you're basically admitting you have herpes when in fact you don't. You're welcome.