Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 197: "Can You Hear Me Now? Part 3" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 197: Can You Hear Me Now? Part 3

Premiere Date: 6/17/2022

Length: 6:26 (1,032 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/can-you-hear-me-now-part-3/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 197, entitled, “Can You Hear Me Now? Part 3.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

 

Day 3 of the January 6^th hearings was about three people: Mike Pence, former Vice President Pence, and the man who calls his wife “Mother” – Michael Pence. So, what am I going to talk about in this episode? Kamala Harris. Just kidding, Mike Pence.

 

Throughout the hearing, both the witnesses and members of the panel basically repeated these lines:

-        “Vice President Pence never wavered.”

-        “Pence, from the very start, told ‘president’ Trump he wouldn’t overturn the election.”

-        “Mike Pence helped protect the republic for at last 4 more years.”

-        “Mike to the Pence was more courageous than any vice president before him.”

-        “VP Pence was a savior and I worship him.”

-        “I pray to Mike Pence every morning.”

-        “God bless Mike Pence, or more like Mike Pence bless yourself!”

Okay, so I may have exaggerated a few of those lines, but you get the gist of it. Now, I don’t want to minimize the importance of each of these hearings. Former federal judge Michael Luttig, a Republican who Ted Cruz once referred to as “like a father to me,” said that if the January 6^th attack had resulted in Donald Trump being reelected, it would have prompted a revolution and a Constitutional crisis – the first of its kind in U.S. history. He added that he would have sacrificed his life by placing his own body on the road to stop the overturning of the election. But back to Mike Pence...

The fact of the matter is Mike Pence is no hero. If anything, he’s the antithesis of a hero – a fricking coward. Let’s look at the timeline of events leading up to the January 6^th attacks, shall we?

 

1)    Even before election day, Donald Trump repeatedly told millions of people the only way he could lose the election was due to rampant voter fraud.

2)    Through all these unsubstantiated claims, Pence never batted an eyelash.

3)    On election night, when Trump declared victory long before the race had been decided, once again, Mike Pence didn’t mutter a word.

4)    After Joe Biden was announced as the winner and Donald Trump proceeded to spread conspiracy theories with no merit, yet again, Mike Pence didn’t object.

5)    Through losing all but 1 of their 60+ lawsuits aimed at helping to overturn the election, Pence called former Vice President Quayle to ask him if there was any flexibility in what he could do when certifying the electoral votes on January 6^th.

6)    It was only after Mike Pence was told by every possible reputable source that there was absolutely no wiggle room in the law and/or Constitution with regard to a vice president’s power to potentially overturn a presidential election that he decided not to adhere to Donald Trump’s wishes.

The truth is Mike Pence had absolutely no problem with helping to overturn the 2020 presidential election, so long as it was completely, mostly, or perhaps even potentially legal. His silence towards Trump’s asinine election conspiracies spoke volumes. His call and ensuing conversation with Dan Quayle was even more telling – in the end, Mike Pence had no qualms with immorality; just illegality. So, what, does he really deserve all this praise he’s receiving? When a prospective criminal attempts to find any and every loophole imaginable to steal money from someone, but comes to the realization that it’s not possible, and he doesn’t follow through with the crime as a result, does he thereby deserve some sort of medal? I hardly think so. It reminds me of this fictional conversation I’m about to share, which features Mike Pence and some dude named Scruffy, starting with Pence.

 

Pence: “Okay, so this bank you want to heist, there’s going to be a lot of money involved, right?”

 

Scruffy: “Oh yeah, so much f*cking money!”

 

Pence: “As my lord and savior Jesus Christ is my witness, I ask that you not use that kind of language in our f*cking presence.”

 

Scruffy: “Oh, sorry, and sh*t.”

 

Pence: “Once again, enough with the sh*t-talk!”

 

Scruffy: “Okay, so yes, there’s tons of money!”

 

Pence: “Good. Money. I like money. I like tons of money even more.”

 

Scruffy: “A ton more?”

 

Pence: “Yes, I suppose.”

 

Scruffy: “Do you get it?”

 

Pence: “Yes, tons of money. I like tons of money a lot.”

 

Scruffy: “Like a ton?”

 

Pence: “It feels like we’ve already had this conversation.”

 

Scruffy: “I know; I was just trying to explain the joke.”

 

Pence: “What joke?”

 

Scruffy: “Oh, nothing. Jesus…”

 

Pence: “Don’t utter the lord’s name in vain!”

 

Scruffy: “I feel like we’re getting off-track here.”

 

Pence: “You’re never off-track when you’ve placed your life in the hands of Jesus Christ. Okay, so back to robbing this bank, is it a guaranteed success?”

 

Scruffy: “I feel pretty good about it.”

 

Pence: “But is it a guarantee? I like a ton of money, but not as much as I like not going to prison.”

 

Scruffy: “No, it’s not a guarantee, but what in life is, you know?”

 

Pence: “Death”

 

Scruffy: “Geesh, this is getting dark, Mike.”

 

Pence: “There are only two guarantees in life, Scruff: Death, taxes, and math.”

 

Scruffy: “Well, technically, that’s three things.”

 

Pence: “Potatoes…”

 

Scruffy: “Po-tah-toes?”

 

Pence: “Well, I was going to say zucchinis, but very well. I need to know if there’s any way we can guarantee our holy standing as upstanding citizens in this perfect country of ours.”

 

Scruffy: “Again, no guarantee. Sorry, Mike.”

 

Pence: “None? Are you sure? Have you asked all of your lawyer friends and family members about the potential legal ramifications of our possible actions?”

 

Scruffy: “Yeah, they basically said we’re SOL, or sh… I mean, So Outta Luck.”

 

Pence: “Well, f*ck. If that isn’t some bullsh*t?!?”

 

Scruffy: “Hey, I thought you said…”

 

Pence: “Jesus Christ!”

 

Scruffy: “Damn, Mike! What’s gotten into you?”

 

Pence: “Hey, enough with that vulgarity! Let us pray.”

 

…and scene.

 

That’s it for today’s episode. Until next time, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, Facebook, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty, with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.