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How Tariff Trump goes about his day...

Trump's day, in a nutshell...


5:30 am: "I'm gonna tariff the sh*t outta everybody and their moms."

6:30 am: "Okay, maybe not the moms, because some of them might be 10s, and then there might be a couple of 4s, which makes a 10."

7:30 am: "Wait, but tariffs are the best things ever created, so moms would love it, so yeah, I'm gonna tariff them too."

8:30 am: "Elon wants to be the head of DOTE (Department of Tariff Efficiency). Whatever, it'll keep the weirdo busy."

9:30 am: "Tariffs are gonna save people so much money. This is going to be brilliant. The more zeroes, the more savings. I'm gonna tariff all 3 countries in the world 1,000,000,000,000,000%. We're all gonna be rich!"

10:30 am: "Okay, I'm being told tariffs might actually cost people money, so I'm gonna lower the increase to just 1,000,000%."

11:30 am: "Psych! No tariffs! That one country offered me a 12-foot life-size poster of me. Greatest deal ever!"

12:30 pm: "Some people are saying the poster isn't actually life-size. Should I put tariffs back on the table? To tariff or not to tariff? That is the answer."

1:30 pm: "Closing my eyes; reaching into ushanka #1. Russia? I'm not doing that. Let's try this again. Nipple. Nipple? That's a country? Nepal, Nipple, I don't know. Okay, reaching into ushanka #2. 95%. Lastly, reaching into ushanka #3. Nipple clamps. Okay, so I'm going to tariff the country of Nipple 95% on nipple clamps."

2:30 pm: "I wonder what language the people of Nipple speak. Nipplish? Nipplese? Nipian? Hey, Siri, what language do Nipples speak?"

3:30 pm: "Elon's jumping around, repeatedly shouting, 'Tariffs rule!' Must be 3:30."

4:30 pm: "I'm gonna tariff water. Nobody uses the stuff anyway. I know I don't. Never drank the stuff; I haven't swum since the incident with the bluegill; and the last time I showered was in 'Nam."

5:30 pm: "Too soon for the water tariffs, I'm told. I guess the tariffs have to be filtered first, or something."

6:30 pm: "Someone just tweeted the water is now going to retaliate with a tariff against me. Can they even do that? Must be true. The person has a blue check next to their name, which is UnRealParodyAccountGotYouSuckas."

7:30 pm: "A coffee-boy I once paid to cover up millions more felonies just told me to look up the word 'tariff' in the dictionary. Where did I put that thing? Do I have one? What even is it?"

8:30 pm: "Okay, the 'coffee-boy' gave it to me. How do you even spell the stupid word? 'Tear-if,' right? It has to be! This dictionary is stupid!"

9:30 pm: "What if I tariff one country 100% and another country 1,000%? That would mean I tariff both countries 100,000%! I love math!"

10:30 pm: "F*ck it! No tariffs! I hate tariffs! Tariffs suck harder than Pete (Hegseth) doing breathalyzers!"

11:30 pm: "No, check that, I love tariffs! They're the greatest thing since Dr. (Ben) Carson's motivational speeches!"

12:30: "Such a productive day - probably the most productive day in recorded history. Now it's time to go to bed. Counting tariffs always seems to help."
#TrumpIsUnfitForOffice #Tariffs

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