Prompterless Palin Gives High School Graduation Speech

"My fellow Americans, as well as all my brown, yellow, and black foreign-student friends, it is my honor today to congratulate all of you for being the 2022, or whatever year it is, graduating class of Mylard High School! I heard the vale, vale, the vegetarian's speech and was mighty impressed, you betcha! What that smart little Asian girl said was 100% true - your future, even though it started in the past and starts in the future, starts today. That may not have been exactly what she said; I'm just parapleasing here, but still, just think about it for a moment. Like tomorrow, your future, started when you were born, back in the past. It also starts tomorrow, in the actual future. Last but not least, it starts right now, in the presence. It's always starting. People might ask me, 'Oh, gosh, gee, golly, Sarah, how can my future always be starting? What then is a future exactly?' That's exactly my point. Your future is always starting, but is never actually here, so it's never actually starting, you know? I started my run for vice president when I was a little baby fetus person thing, yet I wasn't actually starting. I then started when John McCann called me and said, 'I'm looking for a pretty woman to look good behind me so I look good, but one that I'm scared to leave the country with if something unfortunate should happen to me,' yet it still wasn't actually starting. It's starting again right now as I think about running for president and taking control of the rectangle office or whatever that thing is called, but I'm still not actually starting. It's like that philosopher Platypus used to say, 'Your life is always beginning, so when you're dead, you never actually started life and aren't dead,' or something like that. It might not have been Platypus saying that. I get he and that Soccerballs guy mixed up all the time, I tell ya! So, where was I? Oh, yeah, so, kids, just remember, this is your very beginning, even though it's not, but it actually is, sort of, but not really, you know? So make every day count, even after your dead, because like I said, when you die, you're still alive, and all of that good stuff. Oh, it looks like your principal czar is telling me to move things along here. So, in closing, here's my advice to all of you. Ladies, be pretty, and guys, know how to shoot a bow-and-arrow and an AK-47 from a moving helicopter. If you all do that, then you'll be on a bridge to somewhere! Thank you! God bless you all, God bless Mylardy High School, and God bless the United States of America!"