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Fact-checkers give up 48 hours after the debates

Approximately 48 hours after the first pair of Republican presidential primary debates, fact-checkers nationwide decided to call it quits on fact-checking the three hours worth of debates from Thursday night. Many called fact-checking the three hours worth of debates between the 17 candidates "the hardest, most migraine-inducing work we'd ever done." The fact-checkers guess at least 35% of them contemplated suicide and another 45% suffered alcohol poisoning before being rushed to the hospital over the past couple days. One fact-checker, who shall remain unnamed, allegedly reached a point where he started ripping off his clothes, running in circles, and repeatedly yelling, "Idiocracy!" When interviewing several of these very fact-checkers, here's what else they had to say about their experience:

- "I only got through half of the first debate, because after almost every candidate's response, I had to ask myself, 'Wait, did they really just say what I think they said?' I'd then have to rewind and replay the comment several times just to make certain my ears weren't failing me. How can people be so f**king crazy? Jesus... Where's my Three Wise Men shot?" - Katie Sanders (PunditFact)

- "Did Rick Perry really say Ronald Raven? What other presidents is he going to talk about during his campaign? Freddy Roosevelt and Babe Lincoln? Maybe if he wins the nomination, he'll choose Ohio Governor John CrossStitch to be his running mate!" - Angie Drobnic Holan (PolitiFact)

- "My grading system, as most people know, goes from one to four Pinocchios. Having said that, I'm giving these two debates eight Pinocchios. If Pinocchio were the one uttering such nonsense all night, his nose would likely be able to stretch from Kentucky to Kathmandu!" - Glenn Kessler (Washington Post)

- "Even after smoking a bowl before the debates, I was fricking miserable throughout - wound up face-palming myself a half dozen times, crumpling up and throwing pieces of paper all over the room, and screaming obscenities after almost every response! Why'd I ever take this job?!?" - Eugene Kiely (FactCheck.org)

- "The numbers are actually pretty incredible. There was just a 0.0000003% chance that the GOP debaters would be as inaccurate as they were. This could very well go down in the Guinness Book of World Records. So, congratulations, I guess." - Nate Silver (FiveThirtyEight)

Recently retired Daily Show host Jon Stewart also weighed in, saying, "Thank Judas I don't have to do this sh*t anymore!"

Fox News President Roger Ailes responded to the reports by releasing a short statement, which said, "What good is fact-checking? Facts are biased. When you want the truth, don't listen to facts, watch Fox! We're the only factless fair and balanced news network in the history of television! You're welcome, America!"
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