Yesterday I noted I lost a friend of mine to cancer late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, and as always during such times, it really made me pause to think about my life and life in general. Since he was only given 6 months to live initially and lasted 7 years, it was quite miraculous for him to have lived as long as he did, yet at the same time, it's difficult to believe that final chapter of his life has actually closed. It's somewhat reminiscent to my grandfather, who passed in February of this year. The guy had been in and out of the hospital for 5-10 consecutive years it seemed, yet regardless of the complications, he always seemed to battle through them and be around when I was back in town over the holidays. I guess no matter how hard we mentally and emotionally try to prepare for the loss of a loved one, it's never enough to fully brace ourselves for the deep impact we'll feel when they finally do pass. It's quite different to imagine life without a person, yet to open your eyes and still see them present, rather than to open your eyes and realize they're not around.
In situations like my friend's, as well as my before-mentioned grandfather's, thoughts and emotions can often times be quite mixed. Of course there's the overwhelming sorrow of their passing, yet at the same time, there can be an odd sense of relief that they're no longer suffering. Only my grandfather and my friend will ever fully know how much pain they endured over the past 5-10 years. Chances are not I, nor anyone outside of my friend's wife perhaps, could even come close to knowing the level of pain they consistently felt. It's quite commonplace for people in great agony to mask that when around others. Perhaps it's because they don't want others to feel sorry for them, they don't want to put a damper on the mood at all, or simply want to deny their pain and problems for an hour or two. Whatever the case, their pain and suffering is often masked through jokes, laughter, story-telling, pretty much anything which can divert attention away from their problems and toward enjoying the few moments in life they may have left. If others simply focus on their health issues, of what joy will that bring to anyone, including themselves? If others are smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves, however, this allows them to kick back a little, temporarily deny their troubles, and enjoy the moment. I often times wonder if these suffering individuals are fighting more for those around them than for themselves. While it's extraordinarily painful for these people to endure such agony from a physical standpoint, I often times think they try to fight through this pain, not because they want to personally go on living, only to inevitably suffer more physical pain, but because they don't want to inflict any emotional pain and suffering on those they love most through their passing. If that is ever the case, it's difficult to think of a more selfless act. While it's always extraordinarily difficult for us to let go of loved ones who have been suffering for years upon years, I can guarantee it was more difficult for them to endure the seemingly constant and intense levels of pain for all those years.
During times like these, I often find myself conflicted between dwelling on the loss of someone close to me and appreciating the person they were and being grateful I had the chance to get to know them. It's typically a back-and-forth cycle. I initially mourn and sob for a while, before finally being able to collect my breath, think back, remember, and appreciate all of the person's great qualities and the good times we shared with one another. This brings about both tears and laughter (or a combination of the two), before the cycle starts all over again, only further down the road.
Life and death: While the former can be exhilarating and the latter heart-breaking, it often feels at the time of one's death is when we fully appreciate their life. Oddly enough, it seems that while our busy lives can often times drift us away from one another, death brings us back together. That begs the question, is this the inevitable cycle or can we make the proper adjustments to better appreciate our loved ones' lives before they pass? I suppose it may be difficult to fully appreciate a book before we've read the final chapter, yet that doesn't mean we can't appreciate components of it prior to that point. That in and of itself may be the most difficult thing about death - not knowing if it's truly the final chapter of a person's life or if we'll somehow see them again in another. Until that point, all we can do is be grateful for knowing these wonderful people who have crossed our paths, appreciate the good memories, feel their presence through their influence, and realize, while our loved one(s) may no longer be with us physically, those priceless moments, memories, and their imprint on us and others will forever remain.
In situations like my friend's, as well as my before-mentioned grandfather's, thoughts and emotions can often times be quite mixed. Of course there's the overwhelming sorrow of their passing, yet at the same time, there can be an odd sense of relief that they're no longer suffering. Only my grandfather and my friend will ever fully know how much pain they endured over the past 5-10 years. Chances are not I, nor anyone outside of my friend's wife perhaps, could even come close to knowing the level of pain they consistently felt. It's quite commonplace for people in great agony to mask that when around others. Perhaps it's because they don't want others to feel sorry for them, they don't want to put a damper on the mood at all, or simply want to deny their pain and problems for an hour or two. Whatever the case, their pain and suffering is often masked through jokes, laughter, story-telling, pretty much anything which can divert attention away from their problems and toward enjoying the few moments in life they may have left. If others simply focus on their health issues, of what joy will that bring to anyone, including themselves? If others are smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves, however, this allows them to kick back a little, temporarily deny their troubles, and enjoy the moment. I often times wonder if these suffering individuals are fighting more for those around them than for themselves. While it's extraordinarily painful for these people to endure such agony from a physical standpoint, I often times think they try to fight through this pain, not because they want to personally go on living, only to inevitably suffer more physical pain, but because they don't want to inflict any emotional pain and suffering on those they love most through their passing. If that is ever the case, it's difficult to think of a more selfless act. While it's always extraordinarily difficult for us to let go of loved ones who have been suffering for years upon years, I can guarantee it was more difficult for them to endure the seemingly constant and intense levels of pain for all those years.
During times like these, I often find myself conflicted between dwelling on the loss of someone close to me and appreciating the person they were and being grateful I had the chance to get to know them. It's typically a back-and-forth cycle. I initially mourn and sob for a while, before finally being able to collect my breath, think back, remember, and appreciate all of the person's great qualities and the good times we shared with one another. This brings about both tears and laughter (or a combination of the two), before the cycle starts all over again, only further down the road.
Life and death: While the former can be exhilarating and the latter heart-breaking, it often feels at the time of one's death is when we fully appreciate their life. Oddly enough, it seems that while our busy lives can often times drift us away from one another, death brings us back together. That begs the question, is this the inevitable cycle or can we make the proper adjustments to better appreciate our loved ones' lives before they pass? I suppose it may be difficult to fully appreciate a book before we've read the final chapter, yet that doesn't mean we can't appreciate components of it prior to that point. That in and of itself may be the most difficult thing about death - not knowing if it's truly the final chapter of a person's life or if we'll somehow see them again in another. Until that point, all we can do is be grateful for knowing these wonderful people who have crossed our paths, appreciate the good memories, feel their presence through their influence, and realize, while our loved one(s) may no longer be with us physically, those priceless moments, memories, and their imprint on us and others will forever remain.
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