In Week 17 of the NFL season, I learned that...
- ...the Baltimore Ravens care about Lamar Jackson's health like Colonel Sanders cares about vegans.
- ...Aaron Donald is quicker to the quarterback than a 40-year-old virgin is when in bed with Jennifer Lopez.
- ..., due to all of the backups playing, Week 17 should instead go by the name Preseason to the Postseason or Late-Season Preseason on Steroids.
- ...New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles's job is less secure than a tooth fairy in Bean Station, Tennessee.
- ...the Miami Dolphins enjoy Buffalo weather like Harley riders enjoy nationwide Schwinn road trips.
- ..., if the Pittsburgh Steelers in crunch-time were our planet, the earth would officially be flat.
- ...in today's day and age, Confucius would say, "When Tom Brady fall, flag fly, Gisele cry, defense ask, 'Why the f*ck?'"
- ..., in Springfield, Massachusetts, Saquon likely means "Air Barkley" or "Dr. S."
- ...the Chicago Bears' defense is more smothering than a stalker ex-boyfriend named Ike Turner.
- ..., when the Bengals and Steelers get together, things are dirtier than a porno at a dump station.
- ...the Baltimore Ravens care about Lamar Jackson's health like Colonel Sanders cares about vegans.
- ...Aaron Donald is quicker to the quarterback than a 40-year-old virgin is when in bed with Jennifer Lopez.
- ..., due to all of the backups playing, Week 17 should instead go by the name Preseason to the Postseason or Late-Season Preseason on Steroids.
- ...New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles's job is less secure than a tooth fairy in Bean Station, Tennessee.
- ...the Miami Dolphins enjoy Buffalo weather like Harley riders enjoy nationwide Schwinn road trips.
- ..., if the Pittsburgh Steelers in crunch-time were our planet, the earth would officially be flat.
- ...in today's day and age, Confucius would say, "When Tom Brady fall, flag fly, Gisele cry, defense ask, 'Why the f*ck?'"
- ..., in Springfield, Massachusetts, Saquon likely means "Air Barkley" or "Dr. S."
- ...the Chicago Bears' defense is more smothering than a stalker ex-boyfriend named Ike Turner.
- ..., when the Bengals and Steelers get together, things are dirtier than a porno at a dump station.
Who says Colonel Sanders doesn't care about vegans? He's probably as deeply concerned as I am about the lack of fried chicken in their lives... :)
ReplyDeleteSigned, A Hopeless Carnivore ;))