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What I learned in Week 17 of the NFL season

In Week 17 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Baltimore Ravens care about Lamar Jackson's health like Colonel Sanders cares about vegans.

- ...Aaron Donald is quicker to the quarterback than a 40-year-old virgin is when in bed with Jennifer Lopez.

- ..., due to all of the backups playing, Week 17 should instead go by the name Preseason to the Postseason or Late-Season Preseason on Steroids.

- ...New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles's job is less secure than a tooth fairy in Bean Station, Tennessee.

- ...the Miami Dolphins enjoy Buffalo weather like Harley riders enjoy nationwide Schwinn road trips.

- ..., if the Pittsburgh Steelers in crunch-time were our planet, the earth would officially be flat.

- ...in today's day and age, Confucius would say, "When Tom Brady fall, flag fly, Gisele cry, defense ask, 'Why the f*ck?'"

- ..., in Springfield, Massachusetts, Saquon likely means "Air Barkley" or "Dr. S."

- ...the Chicago Bears' defense is more smothering than a stalker ex-boyfriend named Ike Turner.

- ..., when the Bengals and Steelers get together, things are dirtier than a porno at a dump station.
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  1. SarcasmMyShieldJanuary 6, 2019 at 3:55 PM

    Who says Colonel Sanders doesn't care about vegans? He's probably as deeply concerned as I am about the lack of fried chicken in their lives... :)
    Signed, A Hopeless Carnivore ;))

    ReplyDelete

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