The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Pre-Order My New Book, Trumplandia
10. The 100% approval rating among 0 reviewers is "unpresidented."
9. This will be the absolute last book I write until the next one.
8. Books are always better than the movie-versions.
7. I will think about becoming the 294,345th Democrat to run for president in the 2020 election.
6. A psychic, who called me Brian, said the book would bring about world peace.
5. A study I just conducted shows that reading is the gateway drug to a winning lottery ticket, and spending $2.99 is a small price to pay when the reward is $768.4 million. Just sayin'.
4. "Pre-" is the Fonzie of prefixes. "Pre-" is the epitome of cool. Think about it. Precipitation, pretests, premature ejaculation. Let's face it, if "pre-" doesn't make you cool, nothing will.
3. Laughter is the best medicine and there's a 50/50 chance reading this book will result in an overdose.
2. The book will be released on a Wednesday and admit it, you'll be too busy watching talking camels parading around the office to order a copy.
1. (drumroll) The first step to overturning an idiocracy is to literally laugh your ass off at it. No worries, as 4 out of 5 dentists contend it will grow back.
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