What I learned in Week 8 of the NFL season

In Week 8 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Tom Brady may have had more to do with the Belichick magic than his hoodie.

- ...the New York Jets suck more than Donald Trump does Vladimir Putin on Valentine's Day.

- ..., since no one on his team seems able to pronounce his name, Miami Dolphins rookie quarterback Tua Tagovailoa has told his teammates to simply call him T.T. or Taco Bell.

- ..., rumor has it both Lamar Jackson and Jared Goff recently undergone vasectomies, for they keep seeming to lose their balls.

- ..., when asked about the Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns, the construction workers from the film "Major League" said, "These guys aren't too f*cking bad."

- ..., after pulling Patrick Mahomes out early in back-to-back weeks, doctors have diagnosed the Kansas City Chiefs with premature domination.

- ...Dalvin Cook has got so much game, he can even score on virgins named Chastity McNocoitusforyou.

- ..., due to the record number of penalties being called, what was once coined "tennis elbow" will now be termed "flag-throwing arm."

- ...the word "least" called and said it wanted to be changed to "even worse than that," so no one could ever again say, "You can't spell 'least' without (NFC) 'East.'"

- ...there will inevitably be a film released in the next handful of years, entitled, "The Curious Case of Cam Newton," where just overnight, a 31-year-old man looks 78.