Why'd you vote for Trump?
"He'll end the Ukraine war on the first day!"
Yeah, didn't happen. What else you got?
"He'll make groceries cheaper!"
He's about to implement tariffs, which will increase the price of groceries. Care to try again?
"He's a man of God!"
His favorite book is "Two Corinthians."
"So?"
Who, besides your orange messiah, calls it by that name?
"Everyone I know."
Liar. The guy wouldn't even place his tiny hand on the Bible while being sworn-in.
"So?"
He seems to make it a point to break every Commandment at least 45 to 47 times a week.
"No one's perfect."
The guy has compared himself to Jesus I don't know how many times.
"But it's kinda true when you..."
Have you ever read the Bible?
"Of course! It's my favorite book!"
Read the teachings of Jesus. They are antithetical to the words and actions of Lord Little Hands.
"Anti- what?"
Fine, antichrist. Donald Trump is literally 'antichrist.' Any other reasons?
"He'll end birthright citizenship!"
Do you believe in the Constitution?
"Yeah, who doesn't?!?"
Birthright citizenship is protected in the Constitution.
"So what?"
Yeah, okay, anything else, slick?
"Only women can play women's sports!"
Well, congratulations, he made it so the U.S. only recognizes two sexes - male and female. So where will transgender athletes compete? Will a transgender man be labeled as a man or a woman? What about transgender women? Who gets to decide and how do they come to said conclusion?
"That sounds complicated."
Trump only exacerbated the complications.
"Exagger-what?"
Don't worry about it. Have any other reasons why you voted for Trump?
"Because he'll make America great again!"
How so?
"He'll make us proud to be Americans!"
The Gulf of Mexico.
"What about it?"
When you hear 'the Gulf of Mexico,' what immediately comes to mind?
"Like water, and maybe Mexico. A gulf. I don't know."
What if we changed the name?
"To what?"
I don't know, how about the Gulf of America?
"Can we do that?"
In our minds, sure. Why not?
"Well, okay."
Would that make America great again?
"It'd be a start!"
Why?
"Because, you know, Murica!"
Jebus...
"What?"
Nothing. Have any other reasons why you voted for Trump? Please say no.
"Russia!"
What about Russia?
"Russia is like the greatest country in the history of the world!"
I thought America was.
"We're gonna be."
But Russia currently is?
"Well, yeah."
So, what, we're aspiring to be like Russia?
"Asperger's isn't politically correct."
That's not what I said. Holy lord... Okay, let's play a game - I'm going to say a name, and without thinking about it - I know you won't, blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Got it?
"Okay, I'm ready."
Gorbachev.
"F*ck him! F*ck Gorbachev! F*ck communism! F*ck Russia! Russia sucks!"
Putin.
"Russia rules! Stay true to Putin! To Russia with love! Long live communism!"
Interesting.
"How'd I do?"
Are you down with KGB?
"What's that mean?"
Yeah, you know me.
"What are you talking about, bro?"
Shut it, comrade.
After its first week, I gave The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore a B+ grade. While I didn't think the show appeared to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I also liked the Daily Show meets Politically Incorrect vibe I got from it, and thought, with the proper adjustments, the show would indeed provide a great fill-in for The Colbert Report . In the show's succeeding weeks, however, I've been less impressed by it and think that if it doesn't make certain adjustments, it could be in jeopardy of losing many long-time viewers of the show's time slot. One major issue I think the show's had to this point is a lack of direction. It's been unable to decide whether it wants to be a comedy show with serious conversation sprinkled in or a serious show with comedy sprinkled in. It's almost as if the show's writers want to give The Nightly Show a Real Time with Bill Maher feel. The problem with that idea or format is the fact Real Time is an hour lon...
Comments
Post a Comment