Breaking News: Donald Trump's Cognitive Test Revealed!

After bragging about a perfect 30 for 30 on his cognitive test, for the 4th time no less (120 for 120 for those scoring at home), I made it my mission to find this very test Donald Trump has reportedly aced (by himself, no less). Well, after some hard work, and paying raccoons to search for it at the bottom of dumpsters at Golden Corrals, here it is.

1. How old do you feel?

A. A number

B. Younger than Elvis

C. Could you repeat that?

D. Yes

2. 'Quad' means "4." Keeping that in mind, how many sides does a quadrilateral have?

A. 4

B. 1,096,233

C. 19,771,808,356

D. 867-5309

3. True or False, this is a True or False question?

A. True

B. False

C. Half-True

D. All of the Above

4. Oklahoma City is the capital city of what state?

A. Oklahoma

B. Sucklahoma

C. Not OK-lahoma

D. Mexico City

5. What was your answer to question #4?

A. B

B. D

C. A

D. C

6. If Sammy Hagar is driving 55 down the interstate, how fast is he driving?

A. 55

B. 56

C. 57

D. Van Halen

7. In what religion do you find 'nirvana?'

A. Buddhism

B. Hislam

C. Mountain Dewism

D. Foo Fighters

8. 'Brick red' is a shade of what color?

A. Democrat blue

B. Urine yellow

C. Anderson Cooper white

D. Red

9. What is 1 x 1 / 1 + 1 - 1?

A. 1

B. 11

C. 67

D. F

10. What is your current wife's name?

A. Melanie

B. Melania

C. Melanoma Head

D. #3

11. In science, what term is used to describe "an educated guess?"

A. Hypotenuse

B. Hypothalamus

C. Hypothesis

D. Hippopotamus

12. What does 'U.S.A.' stand for?

A. Understanding Sexual Analogies

B. Untied Spellers Anonymous

C. United States of America

D. Upper Southside Astronomers

13. 'Ursa Major' and 'Ursa Minor' are examples of what?

A. Bones in the rectum

B. Former twin prom dates

C. Potential degrees at Trump University

D. Constellations

14. "Joy to the World" is a song made famous by the band Three Dog Night. In it, who was a bullfrog?

A. Jeremiah

B. Zachariah

C. Jebediah

D. Hematoma

15. We've reached the halfway point of the test. To this point, how would you describe it?

A. Easy peasy melon squeezy

B. Harder than stealing a steel plate from the Pittsburgh Steelers in Steel Town

C. Like totally mid, man

D. What are you talking about? 15 is not half of 120.

16. Which one of the following is not a word?

A. Word

B. Words

C. Wordy

D. Aokoawnegkewlskgnlawengkwiialsndgwln

17. Which famous actor, whose name rhymes with 'Bomb Tanks,' played the character Forrest Gump in a film by the same name?

A. Tom Hanks

B. Tom Cruise

C. Tom & Jerry

D. Snoop Dogg

18. Can you answer this next question?

A. Yes

B. I cannot recall.

C. This is the most difficult question yet.

D. No, but yes, since I answered.

19. When doing the Hokey Pokey, you turn yourself what?

A. Around

B. In

C. On a dime

D. Into a flying, friendly ninja named Casper

20. Who was our first president?

A. George Washington

B. George Washington, D.C.

C. George Washington State

D. Denzel Washington

21. What is rain made of?

A. Water

B. Cats

C. Dogs

D. Trump Vodka

22. What do Trump Steaks and Dodo Birds have in common?

A. They're both endangered.

B. They're both extinct.

C. They're both birds.

D. They're both related to Larry Bird.

23. What fruit is largely responsible for the making of wine?

A. Grapes

B. African-American Berry

C. Impeach

D. Chicken

24. The year 1776 marks what special event in this country's history?

A. The founding of the United States

B. Dyslexic kids starting the 1-7 6-7 chant

C. The show, "Desperate Housewives of Thirteen Colonies with Free and Independent States"

D. Donald Trump's date of birth

25. Which is not a member of the group Spice Girls?

A. Ginger Spice

B. Posh Spice

C. Baby Spice

D. Old Spice

26. Do 'homo sapien' and 'homosexual' mean the same thing?

A. Yes, gay

B. Yes, super gay

C. Yes, homosexuals are like the most homo sapien people in the world.

D. No

27. What is your surname?

A. Trump

B. Trumpty Dumpty

C. Trumpanzee

D. Trumpelthinskin

28. In basketball, how much is a 3-point basket worth?

A. 1

B. 2

C. 3

D. Your mom

29. In the book "Moby Dick," which sea creature severed Captain Ahab's leg?

A. A Great White Shark

B. A Sperm Whale

C. A Great White Sperm Whale Shark

D. A Semen Whale

30. We've reached the end of the test.

A. That's correct.

B. Yes, and?

C. What's the question?

D. That's what she said.

Another look at "The Nightly Show" with Larry Wilmore

After its first week, I gave The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore a B+ grade. While I didn't think the show appeared to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I also liked the Daily Show meets Politically Incorrect vibe I got from it, and thought, with the proper adjustments, the show would indeed provide a great fill-in for The Colbert Report . In the show's succeeding weeks, however, I've been less impressed by it and think that if it doesn't make certain adjustments, it could be in jeopardy of losing many long-time viewers of the show's time slot. One major issue I think the show's had to this point is a lack of direction. It's been unable to decide whether it wants to be a comedy show with serious conversation sprinkled in or a serious show with comedy sprinkled in. It's almost as if the show's writers want to give The Nightly Show a Real Time with Bill Maher feel. The problem with that idea or format is the fact Real Time is an hour lon...

My first book review of "Penetrating the Heart of Life: Ambiguous In Thought, Ambivalent In Feeling"

Well, I received my first book review on this poetry-compilation book I completed and published late last year, but have finally gotten around to marketing now. The reviewer gave it 5 out of 5 stars and said: "I enjoyed the poetic journey the writer has taken me on. From darkest days and hopeful optimism to the conclusion of hope realized. The visual images that the poem titled "Room Temperature" elicits, made me think of the song, "Horse With No Name" sung by the band America. In a similar manner, another poem – "Deafening Sigh-lence" reminded me a great deal of Simon & Garfunkel’s song, "The Sound of Silence". There are so many poems in this book that I related to, that I felt a connection to the author and felt that we were traveling on this journey together." http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/penetrating-the-heart-of-life-ambiguous-in-thought-ambivalent-in-feeling/paperback/product-18677501.html

A closer look at the Scramble With Friends power-ups

I am unashamed to admit that I'm a nerd. My idea of a good time is playing a word game like Boggle or Scrabble. Thankfully, I (and many others) can play such games via Facebook and/or my (our) cell phone(s). While it seems that cheating has become more commonplace in these games (Words With Friends in particular) than San Diego has had nice weather, I've yet to give in to that craze. One element present with the game Scramble With Friends (Boggle) not present in Words With Friends (Scrabble) are legal boosts called "power-ups," which cost a number of tokens from the 15 available. I've now tried all five power-ups, including the latest one which costs money. So, in case anyone's curious about playing the game or giving these power-ups a gander, here's a rundown of them all: Freeze - I think this is probably my favorite of all the power-ups. With the freeze, time stands still for a matter of seconds, which allows you more time to find words and improve...

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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