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The Sarah Palin Channel is a special bridge-to-nowhere

It's recently come to my attention that former John McCain running mate, former half-term Alaskan Governor, and future president of the undiscovered country Onlyinhermind - Sarah Palin - now has her own channel (SarahPalinChannel.com). Her reality television shows, ubiquitous presence on Fox News, and seemingly constant posts on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook, weren't enough for Ms. Palin. She needed to go that extra mile, and for just $99.95 a year, you can tune in to Sarah Palin's every move.

Here's how I envision Palin promoting the site:

"Hey y'all. How's it going? Or as us real Americans say, 'How's it going?' Well, as you all know, I usually keep my distance from the cameras, but have I got a surprise for all of you!?! For years upon years, we've tried to find a way to crack the code of the liberal lamestream media. Fox News, a lot of conspiracy sites, and most of talk radio just won't cut it! We need to find a true way to balance the liberal bias of NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, and fact-checkers, with all their numbers and facts, and balance all of that with true American Christian values. Now, even though I've been on some of those reality television shows, have been on Fox News a time or nine hundred and forty-six, and my main goal in life is to make more posts on Facebook and Twitter than Jesus ever did, it just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough of me for you, and it certainly wasn't enough of me for me. So, guess what? For just $99.95 per year, you can subscribe to the Sarah Palin Channel! That's practically nothing! Why spend money on a healthcare law that was jammed down your throats to save yourself from bankruptcy after getting sick when you can watch my every move and hear my every word? This just goes to show you I believe in reasonable prices for reasonable people! You betcha! Just go to SarahPalinChannel.com, subscribe, pay up, and you'll now be able to see all of my speeches you could see for free on YouTube or my Facebook page, you can read my daughter's blog which you could read for free anyway, and you can even see me cooking, gardening, or practicing my ABC's! This site isn't a bridge-to-nowhere! It's a bridge-to-somewhere - my wallet! So, go to the site already, show me the money, and listen to me say things you already know I believe while paying me just $9.95 a month! It's that easy! If you're still having doubts, just remember what Benjamin Franklin once said: 'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask how you can scam your country.' God bless you all, my fellow patriots, and God bless the United States of America - the greatest country in the history of the world of the universe of the galaxy of stuff!"

Thanks, but no thanks...

http://time.com/3046196/sarah-palin-channel-subscription/
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