What I learned in Week 11 of the NFL season

In Week 11 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...there's as much defense when the Chiefs and Rams get together as there are billionaires named Jorge Bankruptsky playing the penny-slots.

- ..., upon suffering a Joe Theismann-like injury, Washington quarterback Alex Smith was thankful to be compared with the team's former QB on that front, as opposed to his announcing.

- ...Weird Al Yankovic is set to release a Philadelphia Eagles/Queen-inspired album, which will include songs: "Flat-Rotten Guys," "Crazy Little Thing Called Suck," and "We Were the Champions."

- ..., instead of coal, Santa will fill bad kids stockings' with recordings of the Oakland Raiders/Arizona Cardinals game.

- ..., on Thanksgiving, Le'Veon Bell will undoubtedly tell his friends and family over a drink, "I'm eternally grateful for giving up $14.544M this year; getting regularly shown up by my young, inexperienced replacement; and quite possibly ending my career with the team, if not the entire league. Best decision I ever made. Cheers."

- ...the Cincinnati Bengals coach, (Marvin) Lewis, is bound to start his own radio talk show. To call in, you must dial 1-800-MRVN-CRY.

- ..., after Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins threw a pick-six to seal the deal in his team's Sunday night game against Chicago, the Bears defense reportedly told him after the game, "We like that! We like that!"

- ..., due to the new offensively-favorable rules and the impact we've seen as a result of these changes, Vegas will be altering the over/under metric to over/holy-shit over.

- ...the Madden turkey leg will be eaten by Jason Witten during the course of a Thanksgiving Day game, where the former Cowboys' tight end will blurt out, "This is the best breast I've ever put in my mouth. I love burgers!"

- ..., with the team's quarterback Alex Smith suffering a season-ending injury, the Washington Redskins are rumored to be interested in signing one of the following individuals: Brent Coon, Uncle Kracker, Whitey Bulger, or Bernard Blackskin.